Mel And Oksana Settled It

Hopefully this is the last time I have to post about this shit. E! Online says:

Wave the white flag—it’s peace a settlement at last for Mel Gibson & Oksana Grigorieva! The actor and Oscar-winning director and his former girlfriend have officially reached a financial and child custody agreement after a year of torturous debate and supposed domestic abuse. Mel’s spokesman Alan Nierob tells E! News, “I can confirm the parties have settled and we appreciate all the judge’s help.” Los Angeles County Superior Court released a statement Friday reading: “As the result of a multiday settlement conference, the court announces that Mel Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva have achieved a settlement in their ongoing dispute.” However, terms and conditions of the settlement were not announced. Mel and Oksana are due back in court Wednesday to discuss financial arrangements as well as the issue of custody of the ex-couple’s 1-year-old daughter Lucia.

(more…)

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Mel Gibson Didn’t Get Jail Time For Battery

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Apparently if you’re a celebrity in California you have to walk down the street with a baby’s head on a pike to ever see the inside of jail. And even then, the baby would either have to be gay, in a union, or own and operate a street farm for anyone to really care. All Mel Gibson did was punch his wife in the face while she was holding their baby because her mouth wasn’t a Time Warner channel that gives blowjobs on demand. No big deal. TMZ reports:

Mel Gibson has struck an agreement with prosecutors and has made a plea deal in his looming criminal case … sources connected with the L.A. County District Attorney tell TMZ … and Mel will not get jail time. Our sources say Mel will appear in court Friday and will plead no contest to simple battery — a lesser charge than corporal injury on a spouse. As we first reported, Mel had been agonizing over the impending criminal charge — related to the January 6, 2010 blowout with Oksana Grigorieva — worried that a prolonged court fight would be a strain on his family, particularly his children. We’re told … even though Mel believed he could win the case — he struck the deal to protect his loved ones. We’re told the deal involves counseling but NO JAIL TIME. When contacted for a response, Mel’s lawyer, Blair Berk, released the following statement to TMZ: “I know from almost 20 years as a criminal defense lawyer that sometimes justice can come for a client at too high a personal price. That is particularly so for Mel, whose right to due process can only be exercised in this case with an enormous media circus attached.” Berk goes on, “Mel’s priority throughout all of this has been that the best interests of his young daughter Lucia and the rest of his children be put first in any decisions made. It is with only that in mind that he asked me to approach the District Attorney with a proposal that would bring all of this to an immediate end.”

Oksana Grigorieva is reportedly happy and satisfied with the decision. Mostly because it probably involves something on the way to her house that Ben Affleck and Jeremy Renner are trying to steal. When asked for comment, Oksana Grigorieva slid down a pile of gold.

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Mel Gibson Can Only Get Up By Beating You

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You know how you thought Mel Gibson was crazy? Yeah, it’s way worse than that. TMZ reports:

TMZ has learned … Oksana Grigorieva has just made an explosive allegation under oath that she never before made — that Mel Gibson beat her during sex. Sources tell TMZ … during Oksana’s deposition Tuesday in her custody war with Mel … she testified that Mel had problems performing and the way he got aroused with her was to beat her. The claim is as curious as it is shocking, since we’re told Oksana never uttered a peep about such violence in her multiple interviews with the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department. Oksana has claimed that Mel struck her on January 6, but there is no other allegation of physical violence in the court file — much of which has been reviewed by TMZ — or with law enforcement.

This really wouldn’t surprise me, but Oksana Grigorieva would say anything at this point to milk every cent out of Mel as she possibly can. If this doesn’t work, expect her to hold a press conference to announce that Mel killed her in a snuff film.

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I Ain’t Sayin’ She A Golddigger


Oksana Grigorieva
is a victim of domestic violence, so she understands that the safety of her and her daughter knows no price. Except not. TMZ reports:

Oksana Grigorieva wanted to disavow her $15 million settlement with Mel Gibson because she felt Mel would pay a lot more to avoid the bad publicity … this, according to an email obtained by TMZ.

The email — sent on June 2, 2010 from Oksana to Eric George, the lawyer who negotiated her $15 million mediation package — is riddled with buyer’s remorse, complaining that George never told her about a domestic violence claim, which could have upped the ante.

Underscoring how important the tapes were during the mediation, Oksana says, “Forget about the tapes for the moment. This is the case of domestic violence.” The point — no one raised the issue of domestic violence during the mediation — it was about the tapes.

Oksana explains to George her relationship with Mel ended “because of Mels (sic) domestic violence, the only reason and the fact, with proof, and I run away to save my children.”

I would go into detail on just how fucked up this all is, but it was my birthday last night and I’m still recovering, so I’ll just say this: If Oksana really wants a lucrative case, Chris Brown is single. Hopefully this time he can finish the job.

To make up for having trollish unfit mothers as the banner photos twice in a row, here’s Kate Beckinsale in a bikini. Because she seems like a good mom, especially in photo 6.

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Mel Gibson Wants Full Custody

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During his ongoing court battle with estranged ex-girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva, Mel Gibson has remained quiet and is content with allowing his lawyers to do their job. On the other hand, Oksana Grigorieva talks to anyone and everyone, while accusing her lawyers and court officials of leaking her secret recordings and sealed documents to the media. Secret recordings and sealed documents, that of course, portray Mel Gibson as a violent monster and her as a battered saint above reproach. However, during this time, in which Mel Gibson should be seen as an unhinged lunatic and wife beater (and rightfully so), Oksana Grigorieva is now the one being scrutinized and seen as a manipulative gold digger out to destroy Mel Gibson at every turn. She has blown her load with the voicemails, recordings, and documents, and now has nothing left to throw at Mel Gibson. Man, that’s too bad. TMZ reports:

According to the documents, in addition to attempting to take custody away from Oksana Grigorieva, Mel’s lawyers will ask Judge Scott Gordon to award her visitation, but only with a monitor. And Mel’s lawyers want the judge to deny Oksana any overnight visits with the baby. Mel’s lawyers argue in the documents that Oksana’s false and derogatory statements to the media about Mel and the attempt to sully his character show she is not acting in the best interests of Lucia. Oksana trashed Mel last night on “Larry King Live.” As TMZ first reported, Judge Gordon has warned Oksana she could lose custody if she talked to the media.

To recap, a judge clearly told Oksana Grigorieva that she could lose custody if she continued to speak with the media, so she went on Larry King Live last night and did more of the same. You could make a drinking game out of how many times she says “domestic violence” in this video, but when she attempted to be a spokesperson for Peace Over Violence, a Los Angeles battered women’s group, they basically told her to fuck off. So five years from now, Mel Gibson will still be starring in movies and getting paid, and Oksana Grigorieva will be known as the crazy bitch whose plan backfired because she couldn’t keep her mouth shut long enough for things to play out. Let this be a practical example for crazy bitches everywhere. Whether it be on Larry King or Twitter. Also a practical example? Sophie Turner’s ass. That StairMaster isn’t gonna climb itself, you know.

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Oksana Grigorieva Looks Very Happy

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On January 6, Oksana Grigorieva and Mel Gibson had an “explosive argument” in which Gibson allegedly punched her and fractured teeth. Instead of calling the police, she went to the dentist. TMZ reports:

TMZ has obtained the declaration of the dentist who treated Oksana Grigorieva the day after her blow-out fight with Mel Gibson, along with never-before-seen pictures the dentist took of her teeth. According to Dr. Ross Shelden’s declaration, Oksana showed up at his office at 9 AM on January 7, 2010. Dr. Shelden claims he observed two “fractured front teeth, minor abrasions on her face and bruising to the left temple area of her face.” Dr. Shelden says, “[Oksana] broke down and admitted to me that she was hit the night before in Malibu,” and then reluctantly admitted Mel was the culprit, saying, “…she was extremely nervous about this information getting out to the public.”

But why does she look so happy in these pictures you may ask? I think maybe she was listening to a bank commercial when this picture was taken. Cha-ching!

As TMZ first reported, Dr. Shelden has changed his story several times. Dr.Shelden has said Oksana’s veneers were damaged but her teeth were not fractured — and TMZ has confirmed that to be the case. Dr. Shelden has also said Oksana was not punched in the mouth. Notice in the pictures there is no evidence of bruising. [Ed.’s note: You know, like THIS] As we reported, Dr. Shelden claims Oksana hid the bruising with her hair and makeup. According to the declaration, Dr. Shelden told Oksana she needed to protect herself. He did not, however, report the alleged attack to authorities, as he was required to do by law.

Look, it’s obvious to everyone at this point that Mel Gibson is raving drunk lunatic, but if you believe that Oksana isn’t clearly motivated by money, then I really don’t know what to tell you. If any woman hires 42 lawyers (she literally has), wants $40K a month for a newborn (even the judge thought that was too much), pretends to get her teeth knocked out, and secretly records and documents everything you say so it can be used against you later, is clearly insane and might have an agenda. Just sayin’. Also, I enjoy Steak and Egg bagels. Not really sure what that has to do with this story, but I’m pretty my mouth just ejaculated.

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Mel Gibson Is A McCarthyist

Because Oksana Grigorieva is a hoarder clearly capable of saving everything except the mental health of her daughter with anti-Semite misogynist Mel Gibson, of course she gave love letters he wrote her to court, and of course TMZ obtained them:

Oksana saved dozens of love notes from Mel throughout their relationship — chock full of passion, cheesiness, obsession — and a warning about what could trigger him to become “irrational.”

Here are some of the highlights:

“This is your capitalist pig landing his jet in Minnesota 4 customs! I have scarcely thought of anything but u since I left London! That is wonderful + sad because you are not near me! I need my little Russian to fill my soul.”

— “If u r up call me my dark eyed beautiful little communist! I miss u + by God, I love you”

It’s early as shit and I may or may not be slightly hung over, so all I got from this is that if the Soviets gave Americans more head, the Cold and Vietnam Wars could have been averted. I’m glad history played out the way it did, though. I wouldn’t want to live in a world without Black Ops.

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Oksana Grigorieva Wants $40K A Month

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Oksana? Greedy? Don’t be ridiculous. TMZ reports:

Oksana Grigorieva is asking the judge to make Mel Gibson buck up — WAAY up — by increasing her monthly child support from $5,000 a month to more than $40,000. As we’ve reported, Mel currently pays Oksana the tidy sum of $5,000 a month in child support for baby Lucia, and also pays for the Sherman Oaks house where they live. But we’re told Oksana now wants nearly 10 times what she currently gets. Here’s what’s interesting. Our sources say Oksana gets $2,500 a month in child support from Timothy Dalton — the father of her 13-year-old son Alexander. It’s a tough sell convincing Judge Scott Gordon that a 9-month-old baby needs nearly 20 times more money than a 13-year-old boy. One source scoffed, “Lifestyle is not an issue for a 9-month-old. Think she knows the difference between a Ford and a Bentley?”

Jesus, does it really take $40,000 a month to raise a fucking 9-month old? She could put newspaper at the bottom of a cardboard box and throw in Vanilla Wafers a few times a day, and it’ll live better than a 20-year old in Haiti. What’s in this baby’s formula, Cristal? What the hell is in her Easy Mac, bald eagle eggs? And the baby isn’t even all the way white. You can’t even sell it for $40K. She’d be lucky to get a pack of silly bandz and a bottle of sweet and sour mix.

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Oksana Grigorieva Has Voicemails, Too

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Yeah, she basically recorded everything. TMZ recorded:

TMZ has learned Oksana Grigorieva doesn’t just have secretly recorded phone conversations of Mel Gibson … she has voicemails too. Sources close to Oksana tell TMZ the recordings that have gone public so far are conversations between Oksana and Mel, but she also has voicemails which Mel left for her that night. As we first reported, all the Gibson rants that have come out were recorded on February 18 — after a nuclear meltdown between the two. We’re told the voicemails are nowhere near as incendiary as the taped conversations.

Jesus, what else did this crazy bitch record? His dreams? His 40 yard dash time? If I had ever had to speak to this chick on the phone I’d talk into one of those things that kidnappers use.

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Oksana Might Have Tampered With The Tapes

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In what can only be a desperate last attempt at damage control, Mel Gibson’s lawyers claim they have “hard evidence” that Oksana Grigorieva edited and tampered with the secretly recorded phone calls between her and Mel Gibson. Basically, they’re trying to make the tapes inadmissible in court.

The L.A. County Sheriff’s Department will have to authenticate the tapes before sending the case to the D.A.’s Office, and that could take time. As we first reported, Mel’s lawyers will be presenting evidence to the Sheriff’s Department and we’re told among the evidence they will present — that the tapes have been altered. We’re told Mel’s lawyers will present “concrete forensic evidence” of tampering with the tapes, including editing. Oksana’s attorneys tell TMZ, “We are not aware of any presentation Gibson’s lawyers are making, but we are not surprised they would make such unfounded claims.” TMZ broke the story … Oksana’s lawyers will be in court this morning asking a family law judge to strip Mel of custody of their daughter, using the tapes as evidence Mel is a danger to the child. The authenticity of the tapes will almost certainly be raised by Mel’s attorneys. A judge will admit tapes into evidence only if someone can authenticate that the tapes are true and correct copies of what was actually recorded.

At this point, it doesn’t really matter if the tapes are inadmissible or not. Mostly because the judge and the entire world knows that Mel Gibson is a raving lunatic, hellbent on finding new ways to incorporate the words “cunt” and “whore” into every sentence. And we’ve all heard the tapes, what exactly did she edit? Her Facebook privacy settings? It all sounds pretty fluid and limpid to me. Unless Oksana Grigorieva found a software that turns conversations about kittens and skipping through meadows into death threats because you didn’t get a blowjob, Mel Gibson’s lawyers might want to try a new strategy.

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