I don’t know if it’s just my seething hatred for the Pussycat Dolls or what, but I just don’t see big deal with these skanks. They sing about stealing your man and how hot they are, but almost all of them look like they’re on a waiting list in Brazil to get their penises removed. (no seriously, are they even human ?) Nicole Scherzinger is the breakout star I guess, so she’s on the March cover of Australian FHM, and I realize these pictures are supposed to be hot but whatever. All the individual parts look okay, but when you look at it as a whole it’s a damn mess. Just like the time I built my girlfriend, Nikki. I mean, cemeteries are pretty big places. You’d think I’d be able to find more than three sorority girl vaginas to stitch on Nikki’s back. I wanted to make a heart, but now it’s just a triangle. Ask yourself, where’s the romance in that?

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Is Nicole Scherzinger Missing A Rib?

Explain to me how this waist is possible. Is there a corset smashing her intestines or what?

The Pussycat Dolls are having a pretty good 2009. They’re supposed to be the openers for Brintey Spears’ upcoming tour this year.

But that waist is really disturbing me. It’s just if I had to choose between hour-glass women and pear-shaped women, I’d take the girl with more back over the girl whose internal organs frequently get pushed up into her diaphragm.

Her organ the diaphragm. Not the other kind. If her intestines were pushed into that, I’d be even more worried, as I usually am when organs dangle from between a woman’s legs.

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The 2008 American Music Awards Were Last Night

All you need to know about the AMAs is that Daughtry, Flo Rida, Alvin and the Chipmunks, and Kid Rock were nominated for awards. Music awards. Seriously? This is what we’ve come to? I’ve saw more talent that one time I saw a monkey ride a skateboard.

I have no clue what has happened to Christina Aguilera these last couple of months. She looks like a male Christina Aguilera impersonator. The only way these pictures could be more disappointing is if she had a horse tail.

Click here for more of this American Music Awards post…

Rihanna stole somebody’s hair and some baby’s blanket to walk the red carpet, and strangely, it’s still not enough to convince me that this chick is hot. The only way I would is if she was standing in molten lava. And even then, she’d really have to sell it.

I guess Miley Cyrus showed up alone because she’s been taking some heat for having a 20 year old boyfriend. Turns out that’s illegal. Other things that should be illegal: My lemon cookies. It’s like awesomeness in your mouth!

Hey, look. It’s T-Pain. A rapper with a letter in his name, ridiculous jewelry, and a stupid hat. Wow! How original! In 50 years, historians will totally be able to differentiate him from the hundred other fucking rappers with hyphens in their name.

We haven’t seen Jordin Sparks in a while and it sorta makes me wonder where she’s been. My guess? Hibernating or marrying Shrek. It’s hard to tell.

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Nicole Scherzinger is a Lady

Trannycat Doll lead singer(?), Nicole Scherzinger, has taken the first step in dispelling all the rumors that everyone in this group has cocks by getting out of a car at Villa in Hollywood. Despite what my ex-girlfriend tells you, I’ve seen a lot of vaginas up close, so I’m comfortable saying this chick has one. I guess this is good news. She also looks like Pocahontas, so if you’re thinking about raping her, you can say it was just for a history project.

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Trannycat Doll and Laguna Bitch are in Hawaii

One of the Pussycat trannies, Nicole Scherzinger, is dating one of the “stars” of MTV’s Laguna Beach, Talan Torriero, and here they are in Hawaii. Exciting, isn’t it? I love Talan’s cheesy tattoos. I think I love the twinkle, twinkle, little stars on his ribcage the most. I’m guessing either the tattoo artist was laughing too hard to finish them, or Talan looked in the mirror at some point and said, “Stop, that looks gay enough.” I must say, Nicole’s penis tucking skills are quite impressive, but his shaving skills … not so much.

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