Nick Jonas Is Back To Banging Kate Hudson
Nick Jonas Is Back To Banging Kate Hudson


Three days before Super Bowl 50, it was reported that Nick Jonas was dating Lily Collins. Kate Hudson probably read that then texted him a pic of her ass again. Turns out Lily Collins wasn’t the only one with a bad offensive game plan heading into the Super Bowl. 

The pair were spotted canoodling in the VIP section of DirecTV’s Super Bowl event at Pier 70 in San Francisco Saturday. “They were whispering in one another’s ear[s] the whole time,” says a spy, who adds that they left together.

I wish there was a way we could all agree to stop using the word “canoodling”. Especially with Kate Hudson. You really need a word a bit more violent when somebody has an ass like this since I assume your penis would like that bear in The Revenant


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Nick Jonas Is Banging Lily Collins

When Nick Jonas broke up with Olivia Cuplo she got naked, and when he wouldn’t text Kate Hudson back she got naked. He’s apparently dating Lily Collins now. Don’t let us down, Nick. 

A source tells ET the 23-year-old singer has started dating Lily Collins — actress and daughter of legendary musician Phil Collins. While the relationship is new, the source says, the two “are both into each other.”  A separate source tells ET that the pair, along with a group of friends, spent a weekend together at Mammoth Mountain, a ski resort in California.

I honestly have no idea how this came out of Phil Collins‘ balls. Like, how did that happen. That’s not supposed to happen. What does Hilary Clinton not want us to know? Did you know that Wall St. paid confidential speeches emails Beghazi Iowa servers something about coin tosses? That’s what I thought. Educate yourself. Read as many memes as you can.

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The 2015 AMAs Were Last Night

The word music still isn’t in quotations even though we all know it kinda should be at this point, but here’s some pics from the 2015 American Music Awards anyway. All the musical legends of our time were there. Nicki Minaj! Selena Gomez! Justin Bieber! Ariana Grande! Demi Lovato! Gwen Stefani! Some other people! I have really now idea what’s taking ISIS so long. Those dudes are all talk. 

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Kendall Jenner Is Banging Nick Jonas

I was going to post this yesterday, but then I thought to myself, is this something that can wait? But yes, Kendall Jenner and Nick Jonas are dating. See? it says it right there. I’m not making it up.

Kendall Jenner and Nick Jonas are dating, E! News can confirm. “It’s very new,” says a source. And although Kendall, 19, and Nick, 22, have spent plenty of time together thanks to mutual pals Gigi Hadid and Joe Jonas, they’re not getting too serious too quickly. They are, after all, still in the very early stages of this relationship.

I guess “it’s very new” would be a good way to say it, because two months ago Nick Jonas dumped Olivia Culpo then she immediately got naked. I’m not saying that it’s a weird or a coincidence at all that his brother and his brother’s girlfriend are both friends with Kendall Jenner and hang out with her all the time. Nick probably came to this decision on his own. I think what I’m saying is that Nick saw naked pictures of Kendall on his phone before he saw naked pics of Olivia in a magazine. Can’t really blame the dude. I mean, that’s how I usually do it. Yay, this story’s over!

 

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Somebody Give Nick Jonas Some Water
Somebody Give Nick Jonas Some Water

 

I know there’s a drought going on in California right now, and apparently Nick Jonas is to blame, because as my 3-year old nephew would say, “this nigga thirsty”. Basically if you buy his shitty single, he’ll follow you on Twitter. But you have to get at least 20 people to buy it for Nick Jonas to do several motions with his thumb. Unsure if gays get it for free or not.

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Nick Jonas Is Gay For Play Now
Nick Jonas Is Gay For Play Now

 

When wearing a purity ring and being a Christian didn’t translate  to record sales anymore, Nick Jonas has gone full on gay recently, because only two demographics will pay for whatever he’s selling: 9-year old girls who don’t know any better and gay dudes. And since 9-year old girls don’t usually have a lot of disposal income, Nick Jonas is gay blitzkrieging right now. Performing in gay clubs, posing in his underwear, and biting his bottom lip a lot to quench his never-ending thirst for relevance. People are calling him the new Marky Mark, and I guess that’s true if the new Marky Mark modeled for Grindr.

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