What The Hell, Man



For some unexplained reason, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon decided it would be a good idea to pose for OK! magazine because “OMG, we’re gonna have a baby!”. As you look at this picture, please keep in mind that the photographer had to deal with Mariah Carey, so he probably had to take 54,867 pictures before she picked this one. Again, she picked this one. Is she choking? What the hell is Nick Cannon doing? And what’s the deal with her face? Stick a bow in her hair and she could go ask the Wizard for courage.

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Mariah Carey is a Fireman



I really hope you didn’t think Mariah Carey wasn’t going as anything else other than something with the word “slutty” in front of it for Halloween, because, if you did, you’re kinda dumb. Being slutty is Mariah Carey’s thing. I appreciate the fact that her interpretation of a fireman wears lip gloss and a garter belt, but I wonder what can she tell me about house evacuation plans or the most effective way to install a smoke alarm? Shame on you, Mariah. Shame. On. You.

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Nick Cannon is All Man



Being married to Mariah Carey seems fun. Page Six says:

Mariah Carey’s new husband was trying to have a boys’ weekend at Saturday’s opening of the MGM Grand at Foxwoods with pals Sean Combs and Quincy Jones when he got a call from Carey. “He was summoned home by her at 1 in the morning,” a source said. “He didn’t look happy about it.” A rep for Carey didn’t return calls.

When you Google “Nick Cannon” the first image that comes up is of Mariah Carey, so that’s pretty much tells you all you need to know about this relationship. To save himself some trouble, Nick Cannon should shrink himself and just get inside Mariah’s purse. When asked for comment, Mariah said, “Whutisssshhhhhhh!”

Some old pics of Mariah Carey in a see-through dress because they were in our inbox. Thanks Jake!

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Mariah Carey is Married With No Prenup



There are rumors that this whole thing might be an elaborate hoax, but until that comes out, Nick Cannon’s family has confirmed that Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon were secretly married at Carey’s home in the Bahamas earlier this week. Boy, they sound really excited. Us Magazine says:

Family member Linda Cannon told E! that Nick called her with the good news. “Yes, we know. He called us and told us all about it,” she said. “We are happy for him. If that is what he wants, then we are happy for him.” She added, “I’m not going to give you any details, but we are happy for him.”

Friends of Carey are also confirming the marriage, oh yeah, and the fact that there was no prenup. Yikes. The New York Post reports:

Everyone is happy to see her happy,” Carey’s friend told The Post. “And it could work out – some people know each other for five years and get divorced. Maybe this is true, instant love.” Not everyone is so over the moon. “There was no prenup – there wasn’t time,” said another worried source.”

I couldn’t recognize Nick Cannon if he was standing next to a Nick Cannon poster, but I guess I should congratulate him for snagging a hot multi-millionaire piece of ass like Mariah Carey. Now that he has found love, maybe I should get in touch with him to learn his secret. I’m ready to open my heart, but my mother says I shouldn’t. She says it’s because I am such a handsome boy and no girl will ever love me like she does.

Photos: Splash

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Mariah Carey is Married With a Second Hand Ring?




Mariah Carey, 38, and Nick Cannon, 27, were reportedly secretly married in a small ceremony yesterday. Friends for years, Carey and Cannon starting dating March. Latina.com says:

Cannon and Mariah Carey are married! The couple wed yesterday in a small ceremony on an island and it was “very implusive,” according to our source. The wedding was attended by a few close friends of the couple, including Da Brat.”

However, the bigger story today is that Nick Cannon used to be engaged to Victoria’s Secret model, Selita Ebanks. He gave her a ring. She gave it back. He gave it to Mariah Carey. TMZ says:

Has Nick Cannon taken recycling to a new level by giving Mariah Carey his ex’s old engagement ring? He’s gone green — and crazy! With reports that Nick and Mariah are engaged, Mimi has been sportin’ a rock (left) that looks pretty similar to his ex-fiancee Selita Ebanks’ ring (right). It’s like that?! If it is the same ring, expect there to be another emancipation of Mimi! A rep for Cannon’s ex tells TMZ Selita did return the white diamond ring to Nick and wishes the couple well.”

So, here are some pictures of this ring. Unless it was cloned, I’m gonna take a wild stab and say it’s the same one. Mariah Carey will probably find this romantic and charming. She’s known the world over for her simple demands and humble lifestyle. There shouldn’t be any problems at all. No sir, no way.

Photos: Splash

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