NFL Is Investigating The Patriots For Illegally Deflating Footballs Yesterday
NFL Is Investigating The Patriots For Illegally Deflating Footballs Yesterday

 

How can a white, slow, 37-year old quarterback have a 65% completion percentage and a 100.6 QB rating? It’s pretty simple. #DEFLATEGATE.

WTHR’s Bob Kravitz is reporting the NFL is investigating whether the New England Patriots illegally deflated footballs during the team’s AFC Championship game against the Colts Sunday night. An NFL spokesman confirms to Newsday‘s Bob Glauber that the matter is under investigation. Deflated footballs are easier to throw and catch, especially in the stormy conditions that threatened the area. Officials caught USC illegally deflating footballs in 2012, and fined the school. Kravitz says officials took a ball out of play to weigh it, and that if the Patriots are found guilty of tampering with the balls they will lose draft picks—similar to the team’s punishment for 2007’s Spygate. 

The Patriots spied on the Panthers’ practice before the 2003 Super Bowl and still only managed to win by 3, but their cheating techniques have been honed to perfection since then. Bill Belichick constantly wears a hoodie, and if the media has taught us anything, anybody who does that is untrustworthy. I guess what I’m saying here is fuck the Patriots.

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Tim Tebow Will Now Sit On The Bench For The Patriots
Tim Tebow Will Now Sit On The Bench For The Patriots

 

"Does God have a clipboard for me?" – Tim Tebow

 

We were close, everybody. We were close to never having to hear Tim Tebow's name on ESPN ever again, but Bill Belichick apaprently wanted to send out an assistant to secretly record everybody's reaction. Because he just signed Tim Tebow.  ESPN Boston reports:

Terms of the contract were not disclosed, but league sources told ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter that Tebow signed a two-year contract that includes no guaranteed money. "Tim is a talented player, is smart and works hard. We'll see how it goes," Patriots coach Bill Belichick said Tuesday.Tebow, who is expected to participate in the team's mandatory minicamp Tuesday, was signed to be a quarterback on the Patriots' roster, sources told ESPN NFL Insider Ed Werder. When asked what position Tebow will play, Belichick said, "we will see." Apparently tired of the Tebow questions, the coach tried to change the subject after several minutes. "We've already talked enough about him. We'll see how it goes, take it from there," he said.

If I had to bet, Belichick probably signed Tebow to replace Gronkowski. But Tebow is a devout Christian, so that means his unwavering faith that he can play quarterback despite all evidence to the contrary will force him to sit and pout on the bench while masking his tantrum with feigned humility. Sorry, did I get too deep on you with that? Also, that's a question Tebow will never ask a receiver. OOOHH TEBOW BURN!

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