Natalie Portman Is Very Sorry About Signing That Roman Polanski Petition
Natalie Portman Is Very Sorry About Signing That Roman Polanski Petition

 

A white woman named Kate wrote an article for BuzzFeed called, “Natalie Portman Is The Woke Actor We Need Right Now,” and I assume Kate still tweets that Hillary Clinton is the rightful President everyday and posted about Black Panther is now her favorite movie. In the article, buried way down at the bottom, she was asked about the infamous Roman Polanski Petition, where over 100 Hollywood industry people asked Switzerland to release the director after they arrested him on a warrant for raping an underage girl in 1977.

In case you forgot, this was included in the petition:

“We demand the immediate release of Roman Polanski,” urges the petition. “Film-makers in France, in Europe, in the United States and around the world are dismayed by this decision… It seems inadmissible to them that an international cultural event, paying homage to one of the greatest contemporary film-makers, is used by police to apprehend him.”

Pretty fucking gross, right? Natalie Portman would like you to know she didn’t really read it and it was a  mistake.

I very much regret it. I take responsibility for not thinking about it enough. Someone I respected gave it to me, and said, “I signed this. Will you too?” And I was like, sure. It was a mistake. The thing I feel like I gained from it is empathy towards people who have made mistakes. We lived in a different world, and that doesn’t excuse anything. But you can have your eyes opened and completely change the way you want to live. My eyes were not open.

Right, a mistake you made in 2009 that you just want people to know was mistake because you’re woke now or whatever. Sure, okay.

 

Related Posts:

Tags:
Natalie Portman Shot Her Shot
Natalie Portman Shot Her Shot

 

At the Golden Globes last night, Oprah became the first black woman to win the Cecil B. DeMille Award (whatever that is) then walked on stage and gave a rousing, inspirational speech. It was great. Then immediately after, Natalie Portman and Ron Howard presented the Best Director Award and Natalie Portman turned into a human YouTube comment.

 

 

It was met with the usual YASSS QUEEN:

 

Natalie Portman then continued to roll her eyes while Guillermo del Toro, a Mexican man, gave his acceptance speech. But, hey, remember that time Natalie Portman signed the “FREE POLANSKI” petition? Or when she compared eating meat to rape? Pepperidge Farm remembers. Apparently she likes one male director. And I guess she wore all black because she saw somebody eating some chicken. Keep in mind, Portman said this at an event where Oprah was first black woman to win a specific award, where Sterling K. Brown became the first black man to win Best Actor in a TV Series, Drama, and where the majority of nominees where white. Look, I’m sorry Hollywood doesn’t have the ability to multi-task, but shut up the hell up and wait your fucking turn.

 

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
Natalie Portman Is Super Pregnant

Natalie Portman probably got pregnant with the assumption that Clinton was gonna be elected President like most of the people in the 18 states that she won. Maybe not in NH where she won by 3,000 votes. Probably lots of awkward conversations happening there. But Portman lives in California where Clinton won by 3M, but still only has a 1M popular vote lead. Portman also splits time in New York where Clinton won by 2.5M, but still only has a 1M popular vote lead. See where I’m going with this, Captain America? Not sure Iron Man would share your views on voter suppression. His last tweet was on Halloween, so who’s to say?

Related Posts:

Tags:
Natalie Portman’s Panties Went To Cannes

Natalie Portman won’t display her Oscar because it’ll offend God, but panties aren’t covered in the Torah, so she displayed them for everyone at Cannes. So, just in case you missed that, these are a bunch of pics of Natalie Portman in a see through dress where you can see her panties. I don’t know. Happy Monday?

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
Natalie Portman Keeps Her Oscar In A Safe Because Of Religion

OSCAR IS A FALSE PROPHET! YOU SHALL WORSHIP NO OTHER GODS EXCEPT ME BECAUSE I’M SUPER INSECURE AND NEED CONSTANT PRAISE AND VALIDATION!

Guests in Natalie Portman’s Paris home should not expect to see her Oscar statue perched atop the mantle. “I don’t know where it is,” Portman told The Hollywood Reporter when asked about where she keeps the Best Actress Oscar she won in 2010 for her role in “Black Swan.” “I think it’s in the safe or something. I don’t know. I haven’t seen it in a while. I mean, [‘Black Swan’ director] Darren [Aronofsky] actually said to me something when we were in that whole thing that resonated so deeply. I was reading the story of Abraham to my child and talking about, like, not worshipping false idols. And this is literally like gold men. This is literally worshipping gold idols — if you worship it. That’s why it’s not displayed on the wall. It’s a false idol.”

That story must have really resonated, because it’s weird to see a Jew not display gold in they’re home. But to recap, she took a role that she hoped would get her an Oscar nomination, campaigned for the Oscar, attended the Oscars, accepted the Oscar, but doesn’t display it in her house because that would be a sin or something. I guess it makes sense when you don’t really think about it. Like when Noah repopulated the Earth by banging his daughters. k.

Related Posts:

Tags:
Thank You, Paul McCartney

Paul McCartney is proof that as long as you put in a few years with a popular boy band, you can then spend the next four decades making average-to-terrible music and still have enough clout in the entertainment industry to get A-list actors like Johnny Depp and Natalie Portman to star in your latest music video. Then you can have a big premiere of that video where half of Hollywood turns out. But I do have to give the cute Beatle some credit, he managed to get Miranda Kerr to change out of workout clothes for the first time in weeks. So thanks for that, Paul.

Related Posts:

Tags: , , , ,
Natalie Portman Might Already Be Married



Natalie Portman and her fiance since December 2010, prancing ballerina Benjamin Millepied, showed up to the Oscars on Sunday both wearing rings. So this means they were secretly married under the cover of deception and night or something. People reports:

Did Natalie Portman slyly reveal big news before more than 1 billion TV viewers? On Sunday night’s 84th Academy Awards, the actress appeared to be wearing a wedding ring set as she clutched an envelope onstage. And her French fiancé, Black Swan choreographer Benjamin Millepied, was photographed with a band on his wedding finger. Was there a secret wedding? That remains a mystery for now, as the Oscar winner’s rep hasn’t commented.

What?! You mean to tell me a famous actress got married without issuing a press release? She didn’t even tell People?! She decided to live her life in quiet dignity realizing it’s nobody’s fucking business?! How are tabloids supposed to sell magazines?! Kris Jenner is probably walking along the beach and tossing sticks in the ocean right now. “I…I just…I just don’t understand. Help me understand,” she was quoted as saying to the heavens.

Note: Not to rain on anybody’s secret wedding, but it is rumored that Darren Aronofsky is Portman’s baby daddy and not Benjamin Millepied. Look at this post and it will make more sense.

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
Natalie Portman Gave Her Kid A Stupid Name

[SinglePic not found]

I’ll just go ahead and say it. Natalie Portman named her kid “Alef”. Alef Millepied. And people say Casey Anthony is a horrible mother. Washington Post reports:

The name of Natalie Portman and fiance Benjamin Millepied’s baby boy has remained unknown since his birth in June — until now? Newspaper Israel Hayom is reporting, via “The Guy Pines Show,” that the couple named their son Alef. The name, also spelled “Aleph” and pronounced “All-Eff,” is the first letter of the Hebrew alphabet. Portman was born Natalie Hershlag in Jeruslaem. Requests for comment from Portman’s reps have not been returned. And considering there hasn’t been official confirmation that the baby was even born, just a report from People, getting it may be tough. The Huffington Post said it received a tip last month that this was the name.

Christ (Sorry, Natalie). His name is “Alef Millepied” and this frolicking queer is supposedly his father. Let’s just hope the burning bush finally shows up when he’s about to get his ass kicked at recess.

Related Posts:

Tags:
Darren Aronofsky Might Be Natalie Portman’s Baby’s Father

[SinglePic not found]

I normally don’t deal in wild speculation and conjecture, and although that’s not true, someone sent me this today. So, if you’re having a hard time believing how a dude ballerina who skips down the street got Natalie Portman pregnant, maybe this will make it a little more harder. You know, like Darren Aronofsky’s penis.

When this famous director dropped out of a high-profile project, there was some speculation that it was due to personal rather than professional reasons. He had broken up with an actress last year, and it was believed that each was taking time off from work to battle over the custody of their child/ren. What isn’t public knowledge is that their breakup was due in large part to his affair with another actress… who became pregnant with his baby. The jury is still out on whether or not any of the three will ever acknowledge the affair and/or the baby’s paternity.

Director:

First Actress:

Second Actress:

August 25, 2010 – September 15, 2010 – Natalie Portman gets inseminated at some point. Putting her due date between June 1 and June 22, 2011.

September 1, 2010: Black Swan has its world premiere as the opening film of the 67th Venice Film Festival.

November 8, 2010: Darren Aronofsky and Rachel Weisz announced they split after 9 years, claim they had been “separated for some months“.

December 27, 2010: Natalie Portman announces that she’s pregnant and engaged. In the same press release.

March 17, 2011: Darren Aronofsky suddenly and inexplicably pulls out of The Wolverine citing production in Japan “would keep me out of the country for almost a year. I was not comfortable being away from my family for that length of time.”

June 14, 2011: Natalie Portman gives birth.

Sooo….yeah. I’m not saying any of this is true, but if you were a woman with a working vagina, would it Niagra over a brilliant, auteur filmmaker, or the guy in the corner wearing leg warmers and a leotard? I just polled several working vaginas and I didn’t even get the chance to get out the “and a leotard” part.

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
Natalie Portman Had A Boy. This Is The Father.

[SinglePic not found]

Wait, I thought this kid’s twin sister was supposed to be the Princess? The Gay Force will be strong with this one. People reports:

It’s been a big year for Natalie Portman: an engagement, an Oscar and now a baby! The actress and fiancé Benjamin Millepied have welcomed a son, PEOPLE has exclusively learned.

When your mom looks like Amon Goeth’s vegan housekeeper and your dad is a prancing lad whose idea of badass is doing an interpretive dance to Mahler, there’s really only once direction I see this kid going. And that’s down Sunset in cutoff jean shorts and mascara.

Related Posts:

Tags: ,