Cara Delevigne Snatched Naomi Campbell’s Weave Over Rihanna

You have two options. 1.) Read the rest of this post 2.) Read the headline over and over again.

The two models apparently got into a fight over their mutual friend Rihanna while at a chic party for Dasha Zhukova’s Garage Magazine at Paris club Castel Sunday night. A witness told Page Six, “Naomi accused Cara of ‘disrespecting’ Rihanna and started yelling, ­before Naomi pushed Cara, who pushed back.” Another witness added, “Cara pulled Naomi’s weave, but it didn’t come off.” Naomi and Cara, along with Rihanna, have been spotted together at events for Paris Fashion Week. But the witness said, “Naomi was angry because she felt Cara had said something negative about Rihanna.” A separate source said Naomi, 44, unexpectedly started ranting at Cara, 22, at the glamorous bash, with guests including Bianca Brandolini and Lauren Santo Domingo. The source said, “It was a noisy and packed party. Naomi was saying all these nonsensical things, she was ranting. There was a messy pushing match. Cara didn’t understand because there’s no problem between her and Rihanna. Cara didn’t want to be involved and was telling Naomi, ‘Get away from me!’ ”

Much like Georgia May Jagger (nice teeth, Punxsutawney Grill), Cara Delevigne really has no business being a model, so when she snatches an actual supermodel’s weave, I have no choice but to take Naomi Campbell‘s side. Mostly because she’s insane. And to be honest? Who wouldn’t fight over this? I beat up somebody in Panera Bread once, I’m not above it.

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Naomi Campbell Got Sentenced

Despite her history of psychopathic violence Naomi Campbell was sentenced to only 200 hours community service for her April assault of two police officers aboard a British Airways airplane at Heathrow in which the model had to be handcuffed and literally dragged off the plane. Awesome. People reports:

The supermodel, 38, admitted guilt to four of the six charges she was facing – two counts of assaulting a police officer; one of using threatening, abusive words or behavior to cabin crew; and one of using insulting, abusive, threatening behavior or disorderly conduct likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress…”Ms. Campbell was aggressive, hostile and violent to people who were simply trying to do their jobs,” C.P.S. director Nazir Afzal said in a statement. “Her behavior fell far short of what is acceptable.”

Here’s the thing. I dare you to get on an airplane right now and act like such a lunatic that the police are called, and when they come, you attack them and have to be physically restrained and thrown out. Not only will you get a taser tan and locked up underneath a prison, but your girlfriend will be sold to a Mexican gang, your dog will be set on fire, and your parents will be turned into Nazi werewolves. If you’re lucky, they won’t build a moat around your kid’s daycare and give his scent to a dragon.

Photos: Splash

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Naomi Campbell Was Arrested By White Honkeys

Naomi Campbell threw a temper tantrum and assaulted a policeman aboard a British Airways fight last Thursday, but unknown to airport officials, that apparently was well within her civil rights. The Sun reports:

Now cops claim she called a WPC a “white ****” and a “white s**g” as she was dragged off the LA-bound jet in handcuffs. The police source said Naomi continued, screaming: “f***ing white honkeys” at the officer and her colleagues….Senior Scotland Yard staff were furious when Naomi later claimed police only arrested her because of her colour. She told a pal: “It just goes to show I have to fight for who I am. It’s because I’m black.”

You know who else has a hard time because it’s black? Mail. That uppity white mail gets to live mailboxes, what does the black mail get? I think I speak for Naomi when I say how long will the world standby and watch this injustice?

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Naomi Campbell Got Banned

Four days after she assaulted a police officer and had to be dragged off a plane at London’s Heathrow Airport, Naomi Campbell has been banned from traveling British Airways. Although the airline will not publicly comment on the details, a BA spokesman said abuse against staff would not be tolerated. Naomi Campbell’s spokeswoman said:

Naomi has been flying with British Airways for nearly 30 years and has been a good customer. She hopes this can be resolved amicably.”

Ah, yes. “Amicably.” That’s how they should handle it. Because that’s how Naomi Campbell would want it. She has always lived her life with a quiet dignity, known the world over for amicably resolving conflicts and strife with her tempered ego and sound reason. In times of great distress, she is often sought out by world leaders for her sage wisdom. I hate to throw around comparisons here, but Naomi Campbell? Gandhi? It certainly appears so, my friends. It certainly appears so.

Naomi Campbell naked (NSFW, of course):

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Naomi Campbell Got Arrested Again

Naomi Campbell lost her bag at Heathrow Airport, so she did what any normal human would do – she flew into a violent rage and assaulted a police officer. The Sun reports:

NAOMI Campbell was arrested at Heathrow Airport this afternoon after allegedly SPITTING at a police officer. The supermodel was hauled away “ranting and screaming” from the First Class Lounge of Terminal 5. She was due to catch a 4pm flight to Los Angeles but mislaid one of her three items of hand luggage. Onlookers said she demanded BA staff find the bag and turned down their offer to find it and forward it on. As the row intensified airport staff asked her to leave the airport and said she was unfit to fly. Cops were called and she was heard screaming “get off me, leave me alone” before she attacked one and was taken away to Heathrow police station. BA269 left more than an hour and a half late while bags belonging to the model and her entourage were taken from the flight.”

I don’t think men should hit women without prepaying, but if this cop would have cracked this bitch in the jaw, there wouldn’t have been a line to help her up. So hopefully this will be what it takes for her to get thrown in jail, because in case the authorities have failed to catch on so far – Naomi Campbell is a fuckin psychopath. Instead of jail she should be sent to a prison colony and be forced to wear a collar that explodes if she wanders off too far.

Update: Sources say that the bag in question contained clothes for an upcoming appearance on American television, and that Naomi, when she was told the bag was missing, started “screaming and swearing at staff, waving her arms” before getting off the plane. Apparently she wasn’t finished, so she got back on the plane and started again. That’s when the police were called, and shortly after, the assault took place. Naomi Campbell had to be placed in handcuffs and “virtually dragged” off the plane. She could face up to six months in prison. What, no exploding collar? Awww, man.

The only Naomi Campbell pictures we ever care to post. (Some are NSFW)

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Heath Ledger Did Drugs With Naomi Campbell

Although no drugs were found in Heath Ledger’s apartment at the time of his death, Naomi Campbell’s former personal assistant, Rebecca White, says Ledger routinely went on cocaine and ecstasy binges with Campbell. The Sun reports:

When I was working for Naomi I saw Heath do drugs a few times. He was new on the scene but everybody was hailing him as the new It Boy actor. “We had been hanging in Naomi’s bungalow at the BelAir Hotel. Heath asked Naomi if she had any cocaine – I used to carry it around for her – and I remember giving him the packet and he went off, back and forth throughout the night.” Rebecca said she bought Ledger cocaine a few days later. “Each time I got an eight ball – four-and-a-half grams. The second time he came up all three of us spent a night doing coke in her bungalow. It was quite decadent. We were there for five or six hours.” She also saw Ledger’s wild side at parties hosted by P.DIDDY, who now calls himself SEAN JOHN after his clothing line, though the rapper is well known for his aversion to drugs. She said: “We all went to Paris for another fashion party a couple of weeks later. We went to one of Puffy’s (Diddy) parties at this club. There was coke and a big bag of ecstasy pills. Naomi gave Heath a handful of these little blue pills and I remember him putting them all in his mouth at once and swigging a bottle of Cristal Champagne.”

Supermodels? Wild parties? Cristal? Ecstasy? I wish somebody could point out the part of this story that’s supposed to be tragic, because it sounds like the only way this night could have gotten any better is if Heath was bitten by a radioactive spider.

Here’s Naomi Watts because Heath dated her, she’s hotter than Naomi Campbell, and she’s wearing a see-through shirt (NSFW):

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Naomi Campbell is Commercial

Here’s Noami Campbell’s new Zach Braff-directed commercial for Dunkin’ Donuts and apparently it’s supposed to be funny. Funny because she’s making fun of herself for being an uncontrollable psycho. I’m sure the maid who got her head sliced open with Naomi’s diamond encrusted cell phone thinks it’s hilarious. Dunkin’ Donuts should totally do more of these. Maybe with Michael Vick and some puppies. Man, that would be a riot!

These are the only Naomi Campbell pictures we ever post. And they’re NSFW:

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