Octomom Was a Stripper Named Angelina

You might be surprised to learn that a single woman with no source of income or permanent place of residence would have octuplets with the help medical technology, even though she had six already, would be desperate for attention, but be prepared to have your mind blown! She does! Just like she did in her last job!

An exotic dancer going by the name of Sage tells In Touch that she performed with Nadya at amateur stripping contests and bachelor parties between 1999 and 2000. “I met her at an amateur contest, and we wound up doing parties together,” she explains. Limo driver Luis Ceballos also claims to have enountered Nadya during her stripping days. Rather than being shy and ashamed about her job as she has said, he reckons Nadya “always said she wanted to be really famous” and was “overly flirty with the guys we performed for.”

The seething hatred I have for this selfish, delusional lunatic can only be matched by the thought of seeing this hag on stage in Lucite heels and a baby doll dress. That banner picture looks like something that should be pulled out of that whale in Pinocchio, not asking me to go to a private room. I’m not even joking when I say I’d rather get a lap dance from a bear trap.

Why pictures of Angelina Jolie being slutty instead of Octomom? Dude. I hope you didn’t just say that out loud:

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Octomom Might Be in Porn

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If you have food in your mouth, spit it out. Vivid Entertainment just offered Nadya Suleman $1 million to star in a hardcore porno. SF Chronicle reports:

Vivid Entertainment spokeswoman Jackie Martin says the offer also promises a year of health insurance for Nadya Suleman and her 14 children. Suleman gave birth to octuplets at a Bellflower hospital on Jan. 26, and already had six other children. The home the unemployed single-mother lives in is facing foreclosure. Vivid says the offer was sent Tuesday via overnight mail and there has been no immediate response. The offer letter says Suleman’s video would be distributed under the Vivid-Celeb imprint, which has released videos starring Pamela Anderson and Kim Kardashian.

Let’s hope Vivid is being sarcastic here, because unless she’s getting gangbanged by minotaurs, there’s no way some regular dude is gonna make this convincing. This bitch has had 14 kids. Fourteen. They might as well let Wile E. Coyote paint one of those fake tunnels between this bitch’s legs and put her on a train track, because her vagina has to look like Stargate by now.

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She Hasn’t Paid Her Mortgage in 10 Months

Nadya Suleman gained national attention after she gave birth to octuplets with the help of assisted reproductive technology even though didn’t have a job and already had six children. Man, I wonder how she can afford it all? Oh, wait. Us Magazine reports:

The source says that the house is set to be auctioned off on March 5. The Whittier, Calif., residence is actually owned by Suleman’s mother, Angela, who has not paid the bungalow’s mortgage in 10 months. She owed more than $23,000 in back payments. Suleman and her 14 children do not have a plan for where they will live once the house is gone, the source tells Us.

She’s not technically a celebrity, but unless you’re Noah’s wife, any chick that wants 14 kids clearly wants to be. I’m only half joking when I say that I wish the bank bulldozes this house to the ground. Then hopefully, the California government will step in and take these kids away from the this crazy bitch. They can at least give Jennifer Aniston one. Then she won’t have to DVR Noggin for her cats or wonder why her Baby Alive doll doesn’t like the outfit that she bought. It’s pink ponies!

No real reason for the Sarah Jessica Parker pictures other than the fact that this is probably the first time that they can’t be worse than the banner picture.

Banner picture credit: TMZ

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