Daddy Issues



Montana Fishburne called her father, actor Laurence Fishburne, yesterday. You’ll never guess how it turned out. TMZ reports:

Montana says Laurence told her she is unwelcome in his life and wants nothing to do with her … at least for now. According to Montana, her dad said, “I’m not going to speak with you ’till you turn your life around.” Laurence was referring to his daughter joining the ranks of Vivid Entertainment as a porn star. Montana says Laurence added, “You embarrassed me.” And this parting shot. According to Montana, Laurence said, “You used your last name. No one uses their real name in porn.”

Montana Fishburne has been arrested for prostitution and assault. And she’s signing a deal with Vivid that will guarantee her money in exchange for loads of cum in her face. Embarrassing? Yeah. That’s one way to say it. Laurence Fishburne could slip on a banana peel during halftime at the Super Bowl and get taken off stage by one of those giant hook things while getting hit in the face with a pie and it would be the least embarrassing thing that’s happened to him in a year.

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Montana Fishburne Was Arrested Again



In the last weeks, fairy tale princess Montana Fishburne has won our hearts with her grace and demure, yet profound, statements on her thoughts and dreams. So when she broke into her boyfriend’s ex’s house and beat her senseless last February, she must have been under the spell of some evil witch! TMZ reports:

Montana was arrested last February after allegedly barging into the alleged victim’s home (the complaint does not give her name), forcing her into the bathroom and beating the crap out of her. We’re told the victim had “significant injuries.” The L.A. City Attorney’s Office has charged Fishburne with battery, and will be adding charges of false imprisonment and assault with a deadly weapon. Montana, who’s being repped by the effervescent Shawn Chapman Holley, has pled not guilty and the case is pending. Fishburne’s boyfriend, Jerome Greene, was also charged in the attack against his ex-girlfriend but already pled no contest to domestic battery. As for Montana — who is releasing her first sex tape through Vivid Entertainment — she has big problems. She was arrested last November for prostitution. Montana pled no contest to the lesser charge of criminal trespass and was placed on probation. The judge could use the pending case to violate her probation.

Man, a black prostitute who is psychotically violent? Whoa, excuse me if I find that hard to believe, sir. Most black women I know are a joy and a delight, especially when they’re in a position of authority or behind a counter. I often see them spending their days at the library or volunteering for their community watch programs, but engaging in lewd behavior and ridiculous and unwarranted violence for the sake of keeping it real? Oh now you’re just making up lies, my friend.

Note: Please be aware that the banner picture is Playboy Playmate Jessica Burciaga. She has nothing to do with this story except for the fact that I realized I was looking for pictures of Montana Fishburne’s ass and immediately stopped.

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Montana Fisburne Will Be Doing A Lot More Porn



I wonder how many boxes of Hydrashoks Laurence Fishburne bought today. I guess it doesn’t really matter. He only needs one to blow his fucking head off. TMZ reports:

Vivid Entertainment prez Steve Hirsch tells TMZ, the first shipment of Montana’s porn sold out across the country — more than 25,000 copies in total — and we’re told even more DVDs were placed on backorder. According to Steve, Vivid has officially offered Laurence Fishburne’s 19-year-old daughter — aka “Chippy D” — a multi-picture deal to cash in on all the success … although it’s not clear how many adult flicks that actually entails. As we first reported, Laurence’s close friends offered to buy up every last copy of Montana’s porno for $1 million — but by then it was too late … the DVDs had already been sent out. No word yet if Montana will take Vivid up on their new offer.

Man, I should really get into porn. I could make a bunch of two-minute films and really make some dece…wait, did I “minutes”? Haha, I meant hours. What? No…I did! Two hours! Look, don’t be like th…wait! Come back! Come back!

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Montana Fishburne Was A Prostitute



I know it may seem implausible that a chick who stars in films such as Phattys Rhymes & Dimes 14 and tells anybody who will listen that her life dream is to be creampied in high-definition 16:9 widescreen would ever rent her vagina by the hour to anyone with acceptable currency, but it seems life can be crazy sometimes, my friends. Splash News reports:
The documents from the Los Angeles Superior Court show that Montana Fishburne, 19, was arrested for prostitution in November 2009 and is still on probation from her conviction. Fishburne was arrested on November 25, the day before Thanksgiving, in the “Hollywood area” on a violation of California Penal Code 647(b), which prohibits prostitution or solicitation. After two continuances, Fishburne pleaded nolo contendre (no contest) and was sentenced to 104 hours toward the California beautification project, 15 days of community service, an AIDS test, STD education, and two years probation.

Ok, we get it. Montana Fishburne has the word “whore” covered in the figurative and literal sense. Christ. If ran an adoption agency, I’d let a velociraptor or Casey Anthony’s mom take a little girl home before Laurence Fishburne.

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Montana Fishburne Has Done Porn Before



Earlier today, TMZ reported actor Laurence Fishburne offered Vivid Entertainment $1M to buy every single copy of his daughter’s unreleased porn made to look like a sex tape in order to save his family from embarrassment. Man, I wonder where that money was when Phattys Rhymes & Dimes 14 came out. You know, his daughter’s FIRST porn. I appreciate Laurence finally realizing he has a kid and trying to do the right thing, but good luck trying to reel in somebody who said, “I am not in porn to get into acting. I am in porn because I wanted to be in porn.” Laurence Fishburne trying to make his daughter stop taking loads in the face on camera is like Jefrey Dahmer’s father trying to get him to audition a vegetarian cooking show. Something tells me things might not go as planned.

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Montana Fishburne Keeps It Real, Whorish



In recent years, Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Shauna Sand, and Kendra Wilkinson have all claimed to have had private sex tapes stolen as part of their backroom deal with the distribution company to generate interest and maximize their cut of the profits. To which Montana Fisburne, actor Laurence Fishburne’s 19-year old daughter, replied “fuck all that. I don’t have all damn day, you know.”

TMZ has learned Montana Fishburne is starring in a porno flick for Vivid Entertainment — explaining, “I’ve watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape.” Unlike the celeb she admires — Montana is not arguing that her tape was stolen or obtained illegally. We’re told the flick is set to be released in August. Montana also talked to CarltonJordan.com about her new gig, saying “The first time is really nerve racking … but, I have a lot of at-home experience.”

To make matters worse, the guy in the sex tape is Brian Bumper. An actual porn star. Christ, this chick doesn’t mess around. I’ve seen public executions that were more subtle than this.

Cowboy Curtis is shocked at the news:

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