Miss Kansas Didn’t Win Miss America, White People Lose Their Minds

Miss Kansas, Theresa Vail, the tatted up, deer huntin', Army National Guardin', wannabe dentist-in', blonde was supposed to win Miss America (I assume because she's white), didn't even place in last night's 2014 Miss America pageant, causing white people to lose their shit and FOX News to cry about American values. Maybe she should have competed in the Miss Merica pageant instead.



So, if I'm reading this right, Theresa Vail and Nina Davuluri are both Americans, but Vail lost because the liberal judges who were judging Miss America hate America? Got it. I keep forgetting you have to be white to be American. My bad. But, I'm a little confused here. What exactly are these "American values"? Stupid ink and camouflage? Being married to Jesus? Miss America pageants aren't held in a Wal-Mart. Supporters of Miss Kansas are forgetting that Vail went to Kansas State. They never win anything.


But all the white people upset right now, should sit down and try to find some common fround with your new Miss America, Nina Davulri. Apparently she's just as petty and racist as you are. Page Six reports:

There’s drama behind the scenes of the Miss America beauty pageant after Miss New York, Nina Davuluri, was allegedly tape-recorded blasting Miss America Mallory Hagan as “fat as [bleep].” Sources tell The Post’s Michael Riedel that Davuluri allegedly made the comments in her hotel room after she was crowned Miss New York on July 16 on Staten Island. In a scene straight out of “Miss Congeniality,” unfortunately for Davuluri — who nicknamed herself “Miss Diversity” — a fellow beauty queen was in the next room and recorded the comments, along with other allegedly offensive remarks made by others. A source tells us: “Davuluri invited friends back to her hotel room after her win. A girl in the next room overheard their conversation, and was so offended she decided to tape part of it. A friend of Davuluri was supposedly heard making racist remarks, and Davuluri is allegedly heard on the tape blasting Miss America, ‘Mallory’s fat as [bleep].’ The recording has been making the rounds of pageant contestants and officials.” The source added, “Her comments were brought to the board of the Miss America pageant.”

I think the only people who should be worried about this controversy is Dana Perino and Andrea Tantaros. It's obvious Theresa Vail and Nina Davuluri are coming for their jobs.

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Miss Car Bomb

Historians in the future still won’t know how she beat Miss Oklahoma, but Lebanese immigrant, Rima Fakih, won Miss America last night. To reiterate, Rima Fakih is Miss America. AP reports:

The 24-year-old Miss Michigan beat out 50 other women to take the title Sunday night, despite nearly stumbling in her evening gown. She told reporters later that she believed she had won after glancing at pageant owner Trump as she awaited the results with the first runner-up, Miss Oklahoma USA Morgan Elizabeth Woolard. “That’s the same look that he gives them when he says, ‘You’re hired,'” on Trump’s reality show “The Apprentice,” she said. “She’s a great girl,” said Trump, who owns the pageant with NBC in a joint venture. Fakih, an Arab-American from Dearborn, Mich., told pageant organizers her family celebrates both Muslim and Christian faiths. “We’re very proud as Lebanese Americans and as Lebanese that Rima reached this point despite all the pressures and stereotyping about Arabs and Lebanese. She made it. She fought and reached her goal,” her sister said.

Despite coming from a self-loathing and religiously confused family, it’s inspiring to see a girl rise above stereotypes and prejudices to achieve of her dream of becoming an underpaid spokesmodel. I hope her native people are proud of her accomplishment. When they stone her in the street and pour acid in her face for being a godless heathen, hopefully they’ll do it with love.

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