Miranda Kerr Has Wanted To Bang Chicks For A While
Miranda Kerr Has Wanted To Bang Chicks For A While

 

Last week, Miranda Kerr almost broke the Internet after she said that she's ready to scissor now that she's single, but as it turns out, she's been wanting to go full on lesbian for a while. Like in this 2008 interview where she says she'd go gay for the Australian former model Megan Gale (here). Megan Gale is 5'11" and kinda looks like a dude, so if she really wanted to be a lesbian she should have stayed with Orlando Bloom, no? Am I missing somthing here? He looks like he has a drawer just for nail polish.

 

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Miranda Kerr Strips In A Reebok Commercial
Miranda Kerr Strips In A Reebok Commercial

 

I don't know anybody who wears Reeboks that is still alive, so a good way to generate interest in your brand is to pay Miranda Kerr to wear your shoes and nothing else. I can see how that would work. Miranda Kerr could be in a commercial for penis reduction cream and I'd probably pause a few seconds before I submitted my order.

 

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Oh Hey There, Miranda

Yeah, so speaking of after parties, here's Miranda Kerr at the Vanity Fair Oscar party. When you're physical perfection you can pretty much wear anything, so let's all thank Miranda for deciding to wear this dress instead. Because, damn. When asked for comment, Orlando Bloom said, "I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL DO IT! DON'T COME IN ANY CLOSER! I MEAN IT! MIIIIRRAAAAANNNDDDAAAA!!!" But, Orlando. You have so much to live for, man. Wait, no you don't. They ran out of those Hobbit books. Sorry, bro.

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Miranda Kerr Says Good Afternoon, Links
Miranda Kerr Says Good Afternoon, Links

 

Pippa Middleton is getting married [Dlisted]

Macaulay Culkin made a four minute video of himself eating pizza [Fishwrapper]

Ariana Grande cameltoe (NSFW) [Taxi Driver Movie]

Everyone on Dunk Dynasty hates gays [The Superficial]

Lyndall Jarvis. Good lawd. [Hollywood Tuna]

Jenna Dewan bikini pics [Popoholic]

Probably the greatest GIF of all time [Drunken Stepfather]

George Zimmerman's lawyer hopes his paintings sell because Zimmerman owes him $1M [TMZ]

Miley Cyrus and Kellan Lutz? [Lainey Gossip]

Jennifer Lawrence says it "should be illegal" to call someone fat. [Celebitchy]

Alessandra Ambrosio in a bikini [Moe Jackson]

What in the living hell is this?? [Film Drunk]

Joanna Krupa is in a bikini [Celebslam]

 

 

pic source = Instagram

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Miranda Kerr Is Dating A 46-Year Old Billionaire

Is Orlando Bloom a very handsome man? Yes. Was Miranda Kerr convinced that, combined with her genes, Orlando Bloom would a produce an aesthetically pleasing child? Yes. Is Orlando Bloom a nice guy who genuinely seems to love his family? Yes. Does Orlando Bloom have all that Legolas money? Yes.  But please keep in mind, Orlando Bloom is not a billionaire. And nothing makes a chick tsunami off her seat like the letter "B" in front of "illionaire". So naturally, Miranda Kerr has been secretly dating 46-year old Australian billionaire James Packer for months. And if you're wondering what you have to look like to pull Victoria's Secret ass if you have a billion dollars. THIS. You have to look like this. Vogue Australia reports:

After announcing her split from Orlando Bloom just a few months ago, Miranda Kerr (and April Vogue cover model) is said to be in a relationship with James Packer. Packer, in turn, had earlier announced his own divorce from Vogue's November cover model Erica Packer; interestingly, Erica Packer and Kerr also both hail from the same town of Gunnedah (look at that six degrees of separation right there). Neither Kerr nor Packer have denied the reports after being approached a week ago. It is said that the pair have been in a secret relationship for the past few months. Kerr and Packer have known each other for several years, often holidaying together with their respective families and Packer has been said to have provided business advice to Kerr on her beauty brand, Kora.

So to recap, Miranda Kerr was happily married to Orlando Bloom until her billionaire friend divorced his wife, then she was no longer hapilly married to Orlando Bloom. This has to be some sort of coincidence, and not a long-term and calculated plan by Miranda Kerr to dive in a swimming pool of money. Nope. This is definitely true love. Of money. True love of money.

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Miranda Kerr Is Questionable
Miranda Kerr Is Questionable

 

I don't think Miranda Kerr (seeing here showing her fake heart) should be standing this close to water, because you aren't supposed to get self-aware computers wet. She's obviously some kind of pleasure model robot, because real women have curves and aren't the picture of physical perfection. Isn't that right, ladies?

 

pic source = Instagram

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Miranda Kerr Won Paris Fashion Week

Since the government is shut down beacuse the Tea Party hates the government unless they control it like they control vaginas, oh and speaking of vaginas, here's Miranda Kerr's boobs at Paris Fashion Week. If the porn I watch is correct, her vagina is a little further down from her boobs. It's a vagina that I would like to visit. And if I can see Paris while I'm there, that's cool too.

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Miranda Kerr Wore This Dress

I don't know anything about fashion week because I don't have a boxset of Sex and The City, but I know a lot about Miranda Kerr. And she wore this dress to some show.. I appreciate the fact that she almost went topless during fashion week, but can she do this during shark week? A lot more people would see it.

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Miranda Kerr Is Filling The Void

While the world sits on pins and needles for two cousins who don't work to have their baby, here's Miranda Kerr at a photoshoot at the Samantha Thavasa Ladies Tournament looking ridiculously hot as usual. Honestly, I don't think its possible for her to be not hot. I'd even have sex with zombie Miranda Kerr.

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Miranda Kerr Was A Guest On ‘Fox & Friends’

The GOP has a strict policy stating that vaginas should be seen (after wedding vows) and not heard, so Miranda Kerr is probably the last person I would expect to see on Fox & Friends. Well, maybe not the last one. But she showed up in a short dress doing yoga which probably confused all of the old people in Tennessee who watch this. Why is a foreigner on this show? Why is she breakdancing? Why isn't she wearing a jean skirt? Why is she wearing makeup? Why does she obviously hate Jesus? So many questions here.

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