Miranda Kerr Is At Paris Fashion Week Wearing This

 

October is the start of Basic Bitch Month, so if you’re tired if seeing chicks in scarves and leggings and Uggs today posting on Facebook about how they’ve narrowed down their Halloween costume idea list they started in August, go ahead and look at these pictures of Miranda Kerr at Paris Fashion Week. It doesn’t look like she’s thinking about candles or getting salad dressing on the side, so that’s a plus.

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Two Billionaires Kicked Each Others Asses Over Miranda Kerr
Two Billionaires Kicked Each Others Asses Over Miranda Kerr

 

I can't believe I'm asking this, but WHY HASN'T THIS HAPPENED BEFORE? I mean, this seems like it should be a regular occurence. The world doesn't make sense.

Two Australian billionaires apparently started punching each other in broad daylight last week when one confronted the other about dating Victoria's Secret model Miranda Kerr after leaving his wife and children last year. According to reports, billionaire Australian media moguls David Gyngell and James Packer ended up rolling around on a Sydney sidewalk last Sunday when Gyngell confronted Packer on the street outside his home. Gyngell, a childhood friend who also served as Packer's best man in 2007, was apparently concerned with the way Packer had been treating his estranged wife since their split. "He fully accepts that he was the instigator of the incident," a spokesman for Gyngell told the Daily News. "Clearly, had he not turned up at Packer's premises in an angry mood then the confrontation would never have occurred." The men had to be separated by their respective bodyguards and both were fined $500 for "offensive behavior." Packer walked away with a black eye but declined to press charges against his childhood friend.

Apparently one billionaire was mad at the other billionaire for dumping his wife and kids to go bang Miranda Kerr, and that's noble. But ask yourself, what's the point of being a billlionaire if you can't dump your wife and kids to go bang Miranda Kerr? Seriously, let's not make this a thing. It's pretty much the only reason men become billionaires. #STAYWOKE

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Miranda Kerr Is A Singer Now
Miranda Kerr Is A Singer Now

 

One of the inherent dangers of constantly telling a woman that she's beautiful is, at some point, she'll believe it then think she can do pretty much anything. So, I feel like I'm partly to blame for Miranda Kerr releasing a duet single called, "You're The Boss" with some guy I don't know. Not that she sounds awful, but the song was recorded by Elvis Presley and Ann Margaret, so I'm sure it'll be a summer banger. She also calls the dude "Daddy" a bunch of times, and that's there's really nothing creepier than that except maybe a Bryan Singer voicemail.

 

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Miranda Kerr Has Wanted To Bang Chicks For A While
Miranda Kerr Has Wanted To Bang Chicks For A While

 

Last week, Miranda Kerr almost broke the Internet after she said that she's ready to scissor now that she's single, but as it turns out, she's been wanting to go full on lesbian for a while. Like in this 2008 interview where she says she'd go gay for the Australian former model Megan Gale (here). Megan Gale is 5'11" and kinda looks like a dude, so if she really wanted to be a lesbian she should have stayed with Orlando Bloom, no? Am I missing somthing here? He looks like he has a drawer just for nail polish.

 

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Miranda Kerr Strips In A Reebok Commercial
Miranda Kerr Strips In A Reebok Commercial

 

I don't know anybody who wears Reeboks that is still alive, so a good way to generate interest in your brand is to pay Miranda Kerr to wear your shoes and nothing else. I can see how that would work. Miranda Kerr could be in a commercial for penis reduction cream and I'd probably pause a few seconds before I submitted my order.

 

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Oh Hey There, Miranda

Yeah, so speaking of after parties, here's Miranda Kerr at the Vanity Fair Oscar party. When you're physical perfection you can pretty much wear anything, so let's all thank Miranda for deciding to wear this dress instead. Because, damn. When asked for comment, Orlando Bloom said, "I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL DO IT! DON'T COME IN ANY CLOSER! I MEAN IT! MIIIIRRAAAAANNNDDDAAAA!!!" But, Orlando. You have so much to live for, man. Wait, no you don't. They ran out of those Hobbit books. Sorry, bro.

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Miranda Kerr Says Good Afternoon, Links
Miranda Kerr Says Good Afternoon, Links

 

Pippa Middleton is getting married [Dlisted]

Macaulay Culkin made a four minute video of himself eating pizza [Fishwrapper]

Ariana Grande cameltoe (NSFW) [Taxi Driver Movie]

Everyone on Dunk Dynasty hates gays [The Superficial]

Lyndall Jarvis. Good lawd. [Hollywood Tuna]

Jenna Dewan bikini pics [Popoholic]

Probably the greatest GIF of all time [Drunken Stepfather]

George Zimmerman's lawyer hopes his paintings sell because Zimmerman owes him $1M [TMZ]

Miley Cyrus and Kellan Lutz? [Lainey Gossip]

Jennifer Lawrence says it "should be illegal" to call someone fat. [Celebitchy]

Alessandra Ambrosio in a bikini [Moe Jackson]

What in the living hell is this?? [Film Drunk]

Joanna Krupa is in a bikini [Celebslam]

 

 

pic source = Instagram

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Miranda Kerr Is Dating A 46-Year Old Billionaire

Is Orlando Bloom a very handsome man? Yes. Was Miranda Kerr convinced that, combined with her genes, Orlando Bloom would a produce an aesthetically pleasing child? Yes. Is Orlando Bloom a nice guy who genuinely seems to love his family? Yes. Does Orlando Bloom have all that Legolas money? Yes.  But please keep in mind, Orlando Bloom is not a billionaire. And nothing makes a chick tsunami off her seat like the letter "B" in front of "illionaire". So naturally, Miranda Kerr has been secretly dating 46-year old Australian billionaire James Packer for months. And if you're wondering what you have to look like to pull Victoria's Secret ass if you have a billion dollars. THIS. You have to look like this. Vogue Australia reports:

After announcing her split from Orlando Bloom just a few months ago, Miranda Kerr (and April Vogue cover model) is said to be in a relationship with James Packer. Packer, in turn, had earlier announced his own divorce from Vogue's November cover model Erica Packer; interestingly, Erica Packer and Kerr also both hail from the same town of Gunnedah (look at that six degrees of separation right there). Neither Kerr nor Packer have denied the reports after being approached a week ago. It is said that the pair have been in a secret relationship for the past few months. Kerr and Packer have known each other for several years, often holidaying together with their respective families and Packer has been said to have provided business advice to Kerr on her beauty brand, Kora.

So to recap, Miranda Kerr was happily married to Orlando Bloom until her billionaire friend divorced his wife, then she was no longer hapilly married to Orlando Bloom. This has to be some sort of coincidence, and not a long-term and calculated plan by Miranda Kerr to dive in a swimming pool of money. Nope. This is definitely true love. Of money. True love of money.

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Miranda Kerr Is Questionable
Miranda Kerr Is Questionable

 

I don't think Miranda Kerr (seeing here showing her fake heart) should be standing this close to water, because you aren't supposed to get self-aware computers wet. She's obviously some kind of pleasure model robot, because real women have curves and aren't the picture of physical perfection. Isn't that right, ladies?

 

pic source = Instagram

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Miranda Kerr Won Paris Fashion Week

Since the government is shut down beacuse the Tea Party hates the government unless they control it like they control vaginas, oh and speaking of vaginas, here's Miranda Kerr's boobs at Paris Fashion Week. If the porn I watch is correct, her vagina is a little further down from her boobs. It's a vagina that I would like to visit. And if I can see Paris while I'm there, that's cool too.

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