Hard to say anything’s had a better week than Snapchat. Congrats to Miranda Kerr for now owning half of it.
The end game of pretty much every model is to time her last call to model anything to coincide with getting pregnant by a billionaire to ensure a smooth financial transition. So, I’m gonna say Miranda Kerr and her boobs look pregnant here. They look huge. Or maybe I still don’t understand how bras work. She’s dating the guy who created Snapchat, so if she’s not pregnant, I’ll gladly take her place. I need a raise. I got bills, homie. Shit ain’t cheap. You know how many sacrifices you have to make when you eat lobster and truffles everyday? I barely have enough left over every month to fill up my private jet.
I haven’t really been keeping up with the LOVE Advent thing, so somebody needs to tell me why love is in all caps, but when Miranda Kerr does something my penis kinda requires that I post it. I think if more churches used Miranda Kerr in lingerie to celebrate the coming of Christ’s birth, I’d probably donate to help one of them build a new stadium.
So, yeah, Charlie Sheen [ The Superficial ]
Watch Blindspot? The fake tattoos are poisoning the chick [ Dlisted ]
Lucy Aragon is topless on the beach (NSFW) [ Taxi Driver Movie ]
“Angels Undressed“ is what you hope it is (NSFW) [ The Nip Slip ]
Gigi Hadid continues to be hot [ DrunkenStepfather ]
Laura Sammarco has a nice Instagram [ Hollywood Tuna ]
Jennifer Lawrence wore this dress [ Moe Jackson ]
Ryan Gosling is gonna be in Bladerunner 2 [ The Blemish ]
Jessica Alba in a sports bra [ Popoholic ]
Irina Shayk in lingerie [ Celebslam ]
Lizzy Caplan and a sheet [ Egotastic ]
Miranda Kerr is dating a billionaire, so it’s your guess as to why she’s selling body wash on Instagram. I’m sure she has a good reason. Maybe because she looks like Miranda Kerr and can make money by standing in a shower with a bottle of body wash. Or maybe this is a product she’s passionate about. We don’t know. Everybody has their thing. Posting this video I guess is my thing.
Hey, remember what I said in that last post? Yeah, apparently Anna Duggar has been praying for the wrong thing. Thanks, Anna. I owe you one, because Miranda Kerr wore this to Milan Fashion Week yesterday. To anybody out there wondering if you should get into coding, this is what being a CEO of a startup buys you until Taylor Swift tries to cockblock you. Also, why is Facebook down? The Pope should have blessed it while he was up there.
Miranda Kerr is dating Evan Spiegel, the billionaire CEO and co-founder of Snapchat, and since 2 out of 4 white men in America and Europe have dated Taylor Swift, Spiegel apparently had a fling with Swift then dumped her via text. Taylor Swift called Miranda Kerr to let her know that.
I don’t know what you expect me to say about Miranda Kerr that I haven’t said in the past 7 years already, but hey, you know how Tess Holliday really thinks she’s a model? That’s pretty funny. Anyway, here’s some Miranda Kerr sideboob and frontboob and just in general boob in a dress she wore that I think was made from a 3D printout of a dream I had.
You’re probably checking your corporate dress code to see if cotton-blend spandex is business casual since you ate like 250,000 calories this weekend because you secretly hate yourself, so here’s Miranda Kerr modeling the new WonderBra and basically being what your boyfriend or husband thinks about when she’s banging you while trying to avoid your face because it smells like gravy. Wait, what are you doing? That dress doesn’t fit anymore put it away. Stop making this worse on yourself. This is getting really embarrassing.
If you want to feel even worse, check the video after the jump.
If you’re still wondering why people pay Miranda Kerr to walk around in lingerie and be the face of their brands, please keep in mind that these are pictures of Miranda Kerr walking down the street. This is how she looks walking down the street. Do you look like this walking down the street? No. This is why you’re buying the products that she’s selling.