Is Orlando Bloom a very handsome man? Yes. Was Miranda Kerr convinced that, combined with her genes, Orlando Bloom would a produce an aesthetically pleasing child? Yes. Is Orlando Bloom a nice guy who genuinely seems to love his family? Yes. Does Orlando Bloom have all that Legolas money? Yes. But please keep in mind, Orlando Bloom is not a billionaire. And nothing makes a chick tsunami off her seat like the letter "B" in front of "illionaire". So naturally, Miranda Kerr has been secretly dating 46-year old Australian billionaire James Packer for months. And if you're wondering what you have to look like to pull Victoria's Secret ass if you have a billion dollars. THIS. You have to look like this. Vogue Australia reports:
After announcing her split from Orlando Bloom just a few months ago, Miranda Kerr (and April Vogue cover model) is said to be in a relationship with James Packer. Packer, in turn, had earlier announced his own divorce from Vogue's November cover model Erica Packer; interestingly, Erica Packer and Kerr also both hail from the same town of Gunnedah (look at that six degrees of separation right there). Neither Kerr nor Packer have denied the reports after being approached a week ago. It is said that the pair have been in a secret relationship for the past few months. Kerr and Packer have known each other for several years, often holidaying together with their respective families and Packer has been said to have provided business advice to Kerr on her beauty brand, Kora.
So to recap, Miranda Kerr was happily married to Orlando Bloom until her billionaire friend divorced his wife, then she was no longer hapilly married to Orlando Bloom. This has to be some sort of coincidence, and not a long-term and calculated plan by Miranda Kerr to dive in a swimming pool of money. Nope. This is definitely true love. Of money. True love of money.
I don't think Miranda Kerr (seeing here showing her fake heart) should be standing this close to water, because you aren't supposed to get self-aware computers wet. She's obviously some kind of pleasure model robot, because real women have curves and aren't the picture of physical perfection. Isn't that right, ladies?
pic source = Instagram
Since the government is shut down beacuse the Tea Party hates the government unless they control it like they control vaginas, oh and speaking of vaginas, here's Miranda Kerr's boobs at Paris Fashion Week. If the porn I watch is correct, her vagina is a little further down from her boobs. It's a vagina that I would like to visit. And if I can see Paris while I'm there, that's cool too.
I don't know anything about fashion week because I don't have a boxset of Sex and The City, but I know a lot about Miranda Kerr. And she wore this dress to some show.. I appreciate the fact that she almost went topless during fashion week, but can she do this during shark week? A lot more people would see it.
While the world sits on pins and needles for two cousins who don't work to have their baby, here's Miranda Kerr at a photoshoot at the Samantha Thavasa Ladies Tournament looking ridiculously hot as usual. Honestly, I don't think its possible for her to be not hot. I'd even have sex with zombie Miranda Kerr.
The GOP has a strict policy stating that vaginas should be seen (after wedding vows) and not heard, so Miranda Kerr is probably the last person I would expect to see on Fox & Friends. Well, maybe not the last one. But she showed up in a short dress doing yoga which probably confused all of the old people in Tennessee who watch this. Why is a foreigner on this show? Why is she breakdancing? Why isn't she wearing a jean skirt? Why is she wearing makeup? Why does she obviously hate Jesus? So many questions here.
First the rumor came out that Miranda Kerr was fired from Victoria's Secret, then they released a statement saying she wasn't, and now Miranda Kerr is saying she quit. My penis can't tale much more of this Sydney Morning Herald reports:
'This is a natural evolution,'' she said from her Los Angeles base, which she will pack up in the coming weeks before a move to New York where husband Orlando Bloom will perform in Romeo and Juliet on Broadway. ''The thing is, I've been modelling since I was 13,'' Kerr said. ''I'm now entering a new phase in my life. I have felt this coming since my son was born and, after I became a mother, I realised I needed to prioritise my time.
Oh, so it's the kid's fault. Where is it? I'll punch it. I'll punch this kid. IDGAF. Wait, how old is he? I don't punch kids under five. I'm not some kid of monster.
INSOLENT FOOLS BRING ME THEIR HEADS. Calm down, Todd. Breathe. C'mon, you can do it. Breathe. That's right. Breeeaathe. That's it. You're doing fine, buddy. Us Weekly reports:
According to multiple sources, Kerr, 30, is being let go as a Victoria's Secret Angel after her $1 million, three-year contract "was not renewed." The reason for the sudden split? One source tells Us that Kerr "has a difficult reputation."…"They can still use her for catalogue, where she will get a day rate, but she doesn't have to be an Angel to do that," the first source said.
A "difficult reputation"? A reputation for what? Making dudes die from boners? I saw her in a commercial once and doctors say I was techincally dead for ten minutes.
was invited to the Golden Globes because her husband is still technically an actor I guess, but I’m not really sure why. He’s married to Miranda Kerr. I imagine it would be difficult trying to find the emotional core of your character on set while you’re high-fiving everyone with your erection.
Here’s Miranda Kerr
getting out of a car. That’s pretty much all that’s going on here. If you don’t think that’s news, have fun tonight at your pottery class and holding a purse at Bed, Bath & Beyond.