Miley Cyrus Is Making A 5 Foot Bong

 

If the Michael Brown toxicology report has taught us anything, it’s that marijuana makes you a wild, dangerous animal ready to charge at an armed police officer without notice or warning. It makes you impervious to pain, so the police have no choice to shoot you three times in the face from 35-feet away. So obviously, it’s only a matter of time before Miley Cyrus finishes making this bong and start terrorizing the residents of Toluca Lake with her superhuman strength. Stay tuned to Twitchy for more details on this story as it develops.

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Miley Cyrus Has No Chill
Miley Cyrus Has No Chill

 

Miley Cyrus has worked¬† really hard, albeit unsuccessfully, to rebrand herself as a badass/rebel/rapper/feminist, but she is, and always will be, a born rich daddy’s girl who, up until recently, was collecting a weekly check from Disney and residuals from her face on 3rd-graders’ backpacks.¬† So let’s not pretend what Miley has been doing isn’t what millions of white girls do who have a freshman year of college instead. Because sometimes reality hits and they find out that the world doesn’t revolve around them. Take it away, Life & Style!

“It was like a tornado hit the lobby. Miley and her posse took over, screaming and carrying on so much that management received a number of complaints.” And the insider explains hotel guests and staff were appalled to see someone in the group was smoking pot. “It was the kind of bad behavior you’d expect from a bunch of juvenile delinquents,” the insider adds…But when management tried to nicely ask Miley to tone things down the “We Can’t Stop” singer had a public meltdown. “She started screaming at them and saying that she’s spent so much money there that they should be glad to have her,the insider says. “She basically threw a tantrum and acted like a spoiled brat.”

In 2009, Miley Cyrus was singing a song about facing your challenges with a climbing metaphor, now she’s on stage with giant, inflatable dicks and pretending to lick drag queens assholes. Not sure if she knew in 2009 that was what would be waiting for her on the other side, but I guess that’s why she does a bunch of drugs and stuff.

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Oh, Miley. Poor, Poor Miley
Oh, Miley. Poor, Poor Miley

 

 

Miley Cyrus does a lot of drugs now, but if she smoked more weed, she might have understood that photoshopping Nicki Minaj‘s ass on herself then making it white might not be the best idea. I realize it’s fun to pretend since Miley’s actual ass looks like dead chicken skin stretched over a brick, which in turn, further proves Minaj’s post here. Anyway, I just realized I’m writing a post about Miley Cyrus where I defend Nicki Minaj. Not today, Monday. Not today.

 

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Miley Cyrus Is Topless In The Desert
Miley Cyrus Is Topless In The Desert

 

This weekend there was an Internet hoax thing that said Miley Cyrus was dead. Turns out she’s not dead, she’s just topless in the desert wearing booty shorts. I think the hoax was supposed to say her booty was dead. Get it? Because she has a flat ass. I crack myself up!

 

http://instagram.com/p/qvJU5iwzMI/?modal=true

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Miley Cyrus Is Still Doing This

 

Maybe Miley Cyrus is right. Because maybe she is fat black chick from Decatur wearing spandex shorts trapped in the body of a scrawny, annoying redneck with a flat ass because she has all the confidence in the world despite not being sexually attractive in any way. This why all copies of Cosmo should be burned a Jezebel should be sold to Bro Bible. Why are they teaching women these things? It's unseemly.

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Miley Cyrus’ Wax Figure Isn’t Creepy At All

The real Miley Cyus looks like a blowup sex doll that's been on clearance for a while, so it's good to see whoever makes things out of wax kept the same theme here. Kudos. But to be honest, its kinda difficult to tell the difference between Miley and this thing. I think a good way to find out is to just punch either one of them as hard as you can. If one screams, then you'll know that's the real Miley then maybe you can ask for an autograph or a picture or something like that. I hear she's pretty approachable.

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