Here’s Miley Cyrus Fingering Stella Maxwell

Hey, remember when we talked about Miley Cyrus dating Victoria’s Secret model Stella Maxwell? Good, good. Well, here’s a video of Miley Cyrus fingering Stella Mawell in a parking lot. I’m going to go out on a limb and say Miley Cyrus’ 4th of July weekend will be better than yours.

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Miley Cyrus Is Having Sex With This

So, Miley Cyrus is dating Stella Maxwell. A blonde, 24-year old Victoria’s Secret model. Here’s a bunch of her pictures. Hopefully she puts up some more before Leonardo DiCaprio goes into a Coffee Bean and kills 9 people.

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Miley Cyrus Took A Shower

Miley Cyrus took time out from braiding her armpit hair and coloring her vagina (NSFW) to hose off and attend the 2015 amfAR Inspiration Gala in New York City. Not sure for what. Witnesses say Rachel Dolezal showed up at midnight and turned her limo back into a pumpkin.

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Bristol Palin Hates Miley Cyrus Now

Bristol Palin, 24, was pregnant at 16, engaged twice, and routinely wears mixed fibers (Leviticus 19:19) and husses herself up with makeup and jewelry like a worldly harlot (1 Tim 2:9). She also danced lustfully with a man who was not her husband on DWTS. But in new blog post, she wants to remind you who the true hypocrite is: Miley Cyrus, who recently briefly mentioned Christians in her interview with Paper Magazine with caused Bristol’s Persecution Phone to ring.

Cyrus, 22, told Paper that she is the least judgmental person ever, saying, “As long as you’re not hurting anyone, your choices are your choices.” But she did have some harsh words for Christian lawmakers who want to stifle social change. “Those people [shouldn’t] get to make our laws,” she said. She also called literal readings of Bible stories like Noah’s Ark “fucking insane” and labeled her parents, of whom she is fond, as “conservative-ass motherfuckers.”

Pretty straightforward. Since Bristol is a Christian, you’d assume she just forgive Miley then go volunteer at a homeless shelter or adopt a baby born with AIDS lol no I meant she sat down in her condo paid for by Candie’s Foundation and wrote an angry blog post.

Is it just me or does it seem more than a little fake that someone claiming to be accepting of everyone and everything would spew such  judgment towards her own parents and their deeply held religious beliefs? She wants everyone else to let her be “free to be Miley,” but seems unwilling to offer the same respect to her parents and those who wish to live out their Christian faith. Oh, Miley.  Thanks for giving us the best example of what “tolerance” looks like in Hollywood: it looks a lot like contempt.

Passive aggressive? Check. Sanctimonious? Check. Self-righteous? Check? Christian persecution truther? Check. Cherry picked passages from a publication to focus on while neglecting the others? Check. Bristol has this Christian thing down. I understand that reality wasn’t built for everyone, but Miley Cyrus wants everyone to be naked and smoke weed, but Miley Cyrus isn’t actively working for a lobbying group to pass laws that say people who don’t get naked and smoke weed can’t get married. See the difference here? No? I’m sorry. You do have some interesting viewpoints though. Tell me again about that dude who lived three days inside a whale.

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Wow, Look. It’s Miley Cyrus Naked

Brace yourselves, Miley Cyrus got naked for Paper Magazine. This might be kinda interesting if Miley Cyrus wouldn’t agree to get naked on a Waffle House menu. Anyway, here’s Miley being naked and weird because omg you guys she’s so edgy now. I’ve seen crime scene photos that got me harder than this.

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Put It Away, Miley
Put It Away, Miley

I don’t know what we have to do as a society to finally reject Miley Cyrus and her seemingly undying need to make people forget she was on a Disney show because her dad hooked her up, but posing in a string bikini that really belongs on somebody else who can pull it off might be the progress we need. Christ, put your tongue back in your mouth, bitch. The JonBenet Ramsey case will close faster than your mouth. The most attractive thing in these pictures is Joan Jett, and she’s probably only sitting still because she can’t smell anything in that room. Whatever. You know you’d pause if you had to do finger test on that.

Miley Cyrus Bikini

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RIP Miley Cyrus (1992 – 2015)

Sorry if you’ve eaten already, but here’s Miley Cyrus performing Khia’s 2002 hit “My Neck, My Back” at the Adult Swim party in NYC last night dressed as a ratchet butterfly who delivers meth. I don’t know if she just needs a hug or to fall asleep in a meeting with Kim Jong Un, but something has gone horribly wrong here. The video says this is “raunchy”, but it’s hard to get excited about the prospect of licking the crack of something that probably smells like a diaper in a Popeye’s bathroom. Pretty much the only thing I want to do to Miley Cyrus’ neck is to see how it holds up in the back of a Baltimore police van.

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Miley Cyrus In A Bikini Is Florida Files

Miley Cyrus is gross, will always be gross, and is really gross here in a bikini. No tits, no ass, and inbred face, and she just looks like she needs a Yankee Candle or a dryer sheet in her panties at all times. Because of flies and stuff like that. Anyway, enjoy if you’re into that kinda thing.

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Miley Cyus Is Single As Well

Look, if I’m Arnold Schwarzenegger’s son and I’m rich as hell and have abs, I’m not really sure why I’d talk to Miley Cyrus other than to ask her where her hot friends are. Patrick Schwarzenegger was rubbing against all kinds of hot vagina in Cabo last month, and let’s be honest. Why wouldn’t he? Please remember that he’s been dating Miley Cyrus.

Miley Cyrus and Patrick Schwarzenegger appeared to be mending their relationship after going through a tough time last month, but a source confirms to PEOPLE the couple have broken up.  “It’s not a break,” says a source close to the couple. “It’s done.”  By all accounts, the split is amicable. (Reps did not immediately respond for comment.)  “They’re just in two different places in their lives – he’s in college and she’s focused on her music and career,”

There’s only so many times you can walk in on your girlfriend smoking weed and twerking instead of shaving her armpits and taking her medication. Maybe 4/20 was just too much for Patrick. I’m sure Miley is a sweet girl and would lick your ass while she’s blowing you, but at some point you’d have to look up and see her face. Some things just aren’t worth it.

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Patrick Schwarzenegger Probably Cheated On Miley Cyrus

Look, I’m slowly dying from food poisoning right now, so please understand that downloading and editing Miley Cyrus pics is a testament to my resolve and inner fortitude. The only question I have about this is why it hadn’t happened sooner.

Patrick Schwarzenegger might be taking a wrecking ball to his relationship with Miley Cyrus … as he got very close with some OTHER chick in Cabo this weekend. The timing of this is pretty odd … considering Patrick and Miley just went out to dinner last week with Patrick’s mother, Maria Shriver. It’s also possible this girl is just a friend … though “friends” don’t usually do body shots off one another. Then again, when Miley is your girlfriend, something like this is probably no big deal. Patrick seemed pretty chill about everything in this Instagram shot.

I don’t even have to look at this chick to know she’s hotter than Miley Cyrus, because if her ass weighs at least two pounds then Patrick has already upgraded and should be seeking this chick’s hand in marriage or for a handjob. To his credit, he’s trying to put out the fire on Twitter, but he’s dad had a secret Mexican kid with the maid, so you never know what the deal might be with these guys.

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