Miley Cyrus Hates Jennifer Lawrence

 

 Two years ago, Miley Cyrus was a white, Disney pop princess who sang songs about achieving your goals by climbing and hearing your favorite song while you’re in a taxi. Then as soon as her contract was up, she was allowed to hang around black people for the first time, so she co-opted what she thought was black culture and became infused with the power of ratchet then started writing songs about dropping molly, being drunk in da club. She also started twerking even though she doesn’t have an ass and pretending to blow backup dancers in giant bear suits. Her fiance at the time, Liam Hemsworth, was a not a fan, so he dumped her and started banging this (good lawd) like two weeks later. Liam Hemsworth is also pretty great friends with Jennifer Lawrence, and when her nude photos leaked, Miley proved she really isn’t about girl power. Bitches be jealous!

 “After Miley heard about and looked at Jennifer nude leaks, she texted Liam,” a source told HollywoodLife.com EXCLUSIVELY. “One of the issues that had broken them up was Liam thinking that Miley wasn’t acting respectably and was putting too much of herself out there wearing skin-baring clothes. She texted him a few times, including a message that said, “Your buddy’s pics just came out and she showed so much more of her body than I ever have” and “I don’t think that’s classy taking racy photos like that.” Liam was never a fan of Miley’s over-the-top and revealing looks. Everyone remembers the 2013 MTV VMAs when she twerked on stage, right? Miley used Jennifer’s photos as opportunity to get back at him for basically dissing her sexiness. Plus, he’s really close with his Hunger Games co-star, so that would just twist the knife in further. “She wanted to really get back at Liam for having been so hard on her and her sexiness,” our source continued. “She considered it a victory.”

Women logic is pretty great, especially when you consider that Jennifer Lawrence got naked for her boyfriend at the time in pictures that were never supposed to see the light of day unless Nicolas Hault happened to be  masturbating during the day. Miley Cyrus wore this last week. And this what her tour looks like. And she posts stuff like this on Instagram. And does this in magazines. So Liam and the rest of us should really listen to her when she gives her thoughts on what’s classy. She’s from Tennessee, so maybe she doesn’t know what that word means. I hear their dictionaries have pictures of Jesus building a border wall with bodies of dead gay guys.

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
Miley Cyrus Wore This

It took me an hour and a half to talk WordPress into creating the thumbnails for these pics of Miley Cyrus’ boobs in whatever the hell this, so I should have known off top that even technology doesn’t want anybody to see these. Add the fact that Miley was at an event hosted by Gwyneth Paltrow, and you can understand why dark forces were against me. Anyway, here’s 29 pics of Miley Cyrus still thinking people find her attractive. If nothing else, doctors who do breast implants should be getting a lot of calls.

Related Posts:

Tags:
Why?

 

For some reason, the CDC and Obama haven’t shut down flights to stop on Miley Cyrus‘ Bangerz tour, because it’s all part of a plan to cause mass panic and institute martial law, so the world will be infected with Miley Cyrus’ music and socialist Illumnati space lizards can make money off the vaccine while taking your guns and freedoms. See? That’s how stupid you sound on Facebook right now.

Related Posts:

Tags:
Please Give Miley Cyrus Some Attention, You Guys
Please Give Miley Cyrus Some Attention, You Guys

 

I don’t know why Miley Cyrus chose alien faces to cover her boobs (can we call them boobs?), because I don’t think they would ever abduct her. They probably couldn’t listen to her talk for more than 5 minutes without blowing the world up or harvesting us all for food, forcing someone to make one last Facebook post saying it was all Obama’s fault. Anyway, Miley Cyrus is pretty gross and manufactured ratchet, but she’s under the impression that she’s hot for some reason and sincerely wants you to believe that as well.  Still not sure about the alien heads. Maybe Wayne Coyne is giving her too much LSD.

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
Miley Cyrus Really Needs Attention, You Guys
Miley Cyrus Really Needs Attention, You Guys

 

We’ve gone through like four rounds of The Fappening, and Miley Cyrus hasn’t even been mentioned even though she’s changed her iCloud password to “flower” then “password”. Nobody wants to seem to go through the trouble of hacking her stuff, because we kinda already know what she’s working with and what she’s working with is just body parts that kinda resemble female human anatomy that have been manipulated by Nazi interspecies experiments. She’s pretty gross. But since she was a star at 12 or whatever, her ego and sense of entitlement is bigger than her ass, so she thinks she’s hot. So she takes topless selfie pics in the shower. Unclear if this is supposed to be sexy or this is part of an NFL anti-domestic violence ad.

 

pic source = Instagram

Related Posts:

Tags:
Mexico Is After Miley Cyrus
Mexico Is After Miley Cyrus

 

I know that one of the big things people want to do right now is build an Israel World War Z wall around our borders, because all those Mexicans are coming over here with their hard work ethic trying to live the fictional American dream and stealing all the jobs that American’s think they’re too good to do, so it’s always good when we can find something in common with a perceived enemy so we can start an open, productive dialogue. Like extreme, hypersensitivity over a pieces of nationalism you can buy at Wal-Mart.

Miley Cyrus could go to jail for getting her ass whipped on stage … with a Mexican flag. Miley was performing Tuesday night in Monterrey, Mexico when one of her dancers whipped her prosthetic butt with a Mexican flag. Apparently Mexican officials are super sensitive about disrespecting national symbols so the congress of the state of Nuevo Leon wants her prosecuted. The crime of desecration carries a $1,200 fine and a 36 hour jail sentence. It wouldn’t be the first time a singer crossed the line south of the border. Paulina Rubio was fined $4K for appearing naked in a mag … draped in a Mexican flag.

I really hope they punish her to the fullest extent of the law, because flags are only to be used to plant in the ground after you’ve slaughtered all the people who used to live in the place where you’re sticking the flag or as a folded souvenir to give to a person’s mom who volunteered to get blown up by a IED for $26,000 a year. But hitting somebody in the ass with it? Now that’s just obscene.

 

Related Posts:

Tags:
Calm Yourself, Miley
Calm Yourself, Miley

 

I don’t have the kind of degree that’s able to diagnose what kind of psychosis Miley Cyrus has, but whatever it is, she really, really, really wants all of us to see her naked. Why? Not entirely sure. I mean, we’ve all seen what she’s working with, right? Looks like something you’d see on the floor at a chicken processing plant. You wouldn’t want to eat that either.

Related Posts:

Tags:
Miley Cyrus Wishes She Used iCloud
Miley Cyrus Wishes She Used iCloud

 

A week after basically anyone remotely famous who had tit pics on iCloud got hacked for all the world to see, Miley Cyrus posted an Instagram video of her ass then wore pasties Alexander Wang’s NYFW after-party. Like, does her father not hug her enough? Or maybe he hugs her too much. She was born into a nice Christian family, what happened? Is it because we took God out of schools? Also, how did that go down? Did God have to be forcibly removed or did he go quietly? I’d expect God to make a pretty big scene when he’s asked to stop loitering. And it’s weird that you have to pray in the place where you want God to show up. You’d think he would have transcended beyond being just an Uber app by now.

 

Related Posts:

Tags:
Miley Cyrus Is Naked For V
Miley Cyrus Is Naked For V

 

To raise awareness for teen homelessness, Miley Cyrus is naked in the upcoming issue of V Magazine. No, sorry. That’s incorrect. She’s not naked for that reason. She’s naked for another reason. Unclear what that reason might be, because she’s unattractive.

 

Miley Cyrus V Magazine

Related Posts:

Tags:
Miley Cyrus’ Not Really Homeless Friend Turned Himself In
Miley Cyrus’ Not Really Homeless Friend Turned Himself In

 

Jesse Helt, the not homeless guy who accepted Miley Cyrus’ award at last weekend’s MTV VMAs, was discovered to have ourstanding warrants in Oregon. He doesn’t anymore.

Jesse Helt, 22, who delivered an impassioned speech about surviving in shelters and being “an extra in your life” while accepting Cryus’ award at the star-studded show on Aug. 24, walked into Polk County Jail in Dallas, Oregon, with an attorney just before 8 p.m., and was released at around 8:50 p.m. after paying $2,500 bond on a $25,000 bail, a jail official told NBC News. Helt was wanted for violating the terms of his probation in Oregon. He was put on probation after serving a brief jail stint for a drug-related burglary attempt in 2010, and then failing to report to a probation officer, officials said.

Jesse Helt was homeless because he moved to LA to become a model, but didn’t want to bartend or wait tables like everybody else who lives in LA, so please remember how this all started. So I think he pretty much blew his chance, because in 2014, you can get a modeling contract solely based on your mugshot. Why can Polk County have a Bearcat, but not a camera with a higher pixelation?  Where is the passion? Where is the steely gaze? To be honest, he wasn’t bringing it.

Related Posts:

Tags: ,