RIP Miley Cyrus (1992 – 2015)

Sorry if you’ve eaten already, but here’s Miley Cyrus performing Khia’s 2002 hit “My Neck, My Back” at the Adult Swim party in NYC last night dressed as a ratchet butterfly who delivers meth. I don’t know if she just needs a hug or to fall asleep in a meeting with Kim Jong Un, but something has gone horribly wrong here. The video says this is “raunchy”, but it’s hard to get excited about the prospect of licking the crack of something that probably smells like a diaper in a Popeye’s bathroom. Pretty much the only thing I want to do to Miley Cyrus’ neck is to see how it holds up in the back of a Baltimore police van.

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Miley Cyrus In A Bikini Is Florida Files

Miley Cyrus is gross, will always be gross, and is really gross here in a bikini. No tits, no ass, and inbred face, and she just looks like she needs a Yankee Candle or a dryer sheet in her panties at all times. Because of flies and stuff like that. Anyway, enjoy if you’re into that kinda thing.

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Miley Cyus Is Single As Well

Look, if I’m Arnold Schwarzenegger’s son and I’m rich as hell and have abs, I’m not really sure why I’d talk to Miley Cyrus other than to ask her where her hot friends are. Patrick Schwarzenegger was rubbing against all kinds of hot vagina in Cabo last month, and let’s be honest. Why wouldn’t he? Please remember that he’s been dating Miley Cyrus.

Miley Cyrus and Patrick Schwarzenegger appeared to be mending their relationship after going through a tough time last month, but a source confirms to PEOPLE the couple have broken up.  “It’s not a break,” says a source close to the couple. “It’s done.”  By all accounts, the split is amicable. (Reps did not immediately respond for comment.)  “They’re just in two different places in their lives – he’s in college and she’s focused on her music and career,”

There’s only so many times you can walk in on your girlfriend smoking weed and twerking instead of shaving her armpits and taking her medication. Maybe 4/20 was just too much for Patrick. I’m sure Miley is a sweet girl and would lick your ass while she’s blowing you, but at some point you’d have to look up and see her face. Some things just aren’t worth it.

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Patrick Schwarzenegger Probably Cheated On Miley Cyrus

Look, I’m slowly dying from food poisoning right now, so please understand that downloading and editing Miley Cyrus pics is a testament to my resolve and inner fortitude. The only question I have about this is why it hadn’t happened sooner.

Patrick Schwarzenegger might be taking a wrecking ball to his relationship with Miley Cyrus … as he got very close with some OTHER chick in Cabo this weekend. The timing of this is pretty odd … considering Patrick and Miley just went out to dinner last week with Patrick’s mother, Maria Shriver. It’s also possible this girl is just a friend … though “friends” don’t usually do body shots off one another. Then again, when Miley is your girlfriend, something like this is probably no big deal. Patrick seemed pretty chill about everything in this Instagram shot.

I don’t even have to look at this chick to know she’s hotter than Miley Cyrus, because if her ass weighs at least two pounds then Patrick has already upgraded and should be seeking this chick’s hand in marriage or for a handjob. To his credit, he’s trying to put out the fire on Twitter, but he’s dad had a secret Mexican kid with the maid, so you never know what the deal might be with these guys.

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Here’s Some More People At The Grammys

Hey, look! Here’s some people who also attended the Grammys last night. You might know some of these people, or you might now. My only real criteria for choosing these pictures was “titties”. I know 2014 was about the ass and all that, but I’m in Atlanta so I see enough of that.

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Miley Cyrus Has A Nice Push Up Bra
Miley Cyrus Has A Nice Push Up Bra

In decent light and at certain angles, Miley Cyrus doesn’t look like a person of interest in a meth ring, and I guess this is one of those times. She looks likes an escort perfect for any budget. Congrats, Miley. Keep up the decent work.

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Miley Cyrus’ Nipples Are On Instagram Again
Miley Cyrus’ Nipples Are On Instagram Again

Miley Cyrus is still bitter that nobody bothered to hack her iCloud, so since then she’s been getting naked in photoshoots and Instagram and changing her password to “password”, hoping somebody will bite. No luck so far. Mostly because she’s gross. Anyway, here’s her nipples she posted on Instagram, which Instagram immediately censored and removed. If you stand for freedom, you can see the uncensored pic after the cut. You believe in freedom. don’t you?

(more…)

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Miley Cyrus Hates Jennifer Lawrence

 Two years ago, Miley Cyrus was a white, Disney pop princess who sang songs about achieving your goals by climbing and hearing your favorite song while you’re in a taxi. Then as soon as her contract was up, she was allowed to hang around black people for the first time, so she co-opted what she thought was black culture and became infused with the power of ratchet then started writing songs about dropping molly, being drunk in da club. She also started twerking even though she doesn’t have an ass and pretending to blow backup dancers in giant bear suits. Her fiance at the time, Liam Hemsworth, was a not a fan, so he dumped her and started banging this (good lawd) like two weeks later. Liam Hemsworth is also pretty great friends with Jennifer Lawrence, and when her nude photos leaked, Miley proved she really isn’t about girl power. Bitches be jealous!

 “After Miley heard about and looked at Jennifer nude leaks, she texted Liam,” a source told HollywoodLife.com EXCLUSIVELY. “One of the issues that had broken them up was Liam thinking that Miley wasn’t acting respectably and was putting too much of herself out there wearing skin-baring clothes. She texted him a few times, including a message that said, “Your buddy’s pics just came out and she showed so much more of her body than I ever have” and “I don’t think that’s classy taking racy photos like that.” Liam was never a fan of Miley’s over-the-top and revealing looks. Everyone remembers the 2013 MTV VMAs when she twerked on stage, right? Miley used Jennifer’s photos as opportunity to get back at him for basically dissing her sexiness. Plus, he’s really close with his Hunger Games co-star, so that would just twist the knife in further. “She wanted to really get back at Liam for having been so hard on her and her sexiness,” our source continued. “She considered it a victory.”

Women logic is pretty great, especially when you consider that Jennifer Lawrence got naked for her boyfriend at the time in pictures that were never supposed to see the light of day unless Nicolas Hault happened to be  masturbating during the day. Miley Cyrus wore this last week. And this what her tour looks like. And she posts stuff like this on Instagram. And does this in magazines. So Liam and the rest of us should really listen to her when she gives her thoughts on what’s classy. She’s from Tennessee, so maybe she doesn’t know what that word means. I hear their dictionaries have pictures of Jesus building a border wall with bodies of dead gay guys.

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Miley Cyrus Wore This

It took me an hour and a half to talk WordPress into creating the thumbnails for these pics of Miley Cyrus’ boobs in whatever the hell this, so I should have known off top that even technology doesn’t want anybody to see these. Add the fact that Miley was at an event hosted by Gwyneth Paltrow, and you can understand why dark forces were against me. Anyway, here’s 29 pics of Miley Cyrus still thinking people find her attractive. If nothing else, doctors who do breast implants should be getting a lot of calls.

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Why?

For some reason, the CDC and Obama haven’t shut down flights to stop on Miley Cyrus‘ Bangerz tour, because it’s all part of a plan to cause mass panic and institute martial law, so the world will be infected with Miley Cyrus’ music and socialist Illumnati space lizards can make money off the vaccine while taking your guns and freedoms. See? That’s how stupid you sound on Facebook right now.

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