The Situation Is An Asshole In General

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Apparently being an entitled douche with no redeeming qualities except an overinflated sense of self-worth doesn’t stop when the cameras do, because Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino went to the bank in his Ferrari where he parked just like you assumed he would. Because fuck handicapped people who need to go to the bank. They should have thought about that before they got all handicapped.

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The Situation’s Dad Is Really Tough

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Based on movies about the mafia I’ve seen, nothing comes before family. And if you cross the family, the godfather will post a series of YouTube vidoes with scary music and a fern in the background.

Long story short, Frank Sorrentino is promoting his tell-all book about his asshole son, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, in which he goes on to explain that his son is an asshole. Check the vids below. They don’t contain an IROC with an airbrushed hood or any references to sauces, but they do contain NSFW language pulled from flashcards included in The Soprano’s box set.

Video source = theconfrontationsite.com

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This Is Worth $5 Million

And rising–the cast of Jersey Shore just got raises. Entertainment Weekly reports:

The cast is being paid a massive amount of money to get drunk and screw around in Italy. For the Shore stars, there is no downside.

As has been reported, the eight-member cast has just finished their salary negotiations. Multiple sources close to the matter tell EW the deal has members of the “core group” now pulling down at least $100,000 per episode, especially once you factor in their bonus structure. Each season is usually 13 episodes. (MTV had no comment.)

That’s a quantum leap for a group that once made headlines by haggling a raise to $10k per episode for season 2. And, of course, the per-episode salary from MTV is only part of the group’s income, with appearances and product endorsements tacking on additional large sums. (One tally puts The Situation’s annual income at $5 million.)

Regardless of what you might think of Snooki, Sitch and Co., they’re not pulling a robbery — on the balance sheet, they’re worth the money. Jersey Shore is like the American Idol of basic cable, delivering huge adult demo numbers that are higher than many, if not most, broadcast shows.

It’s been widely documented that these trolls are overpaid and retarded, so I won’t even begin to address how fucked up this is. Except to remind you that God is, in fact, dead.

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The Situation Was Much Worse Than We Previously Thought

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Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino‘s now legendary fail at the Donald Trump roast was so brutal to watch that it even made me feel kinda bad for him. (To put that in context, one time in junior high I threw a kid’s crutches over the fence.) Now it’s been revealed that half of The Situation’s “jokes” were cut from the broadcast because they might have been the worst jokes ever told. TMZ reports:

“Yo Snoop, what up dawg … you know you have so much in common with Donald Trump? Trump’s ancestors were into real estate … and your ancestors were considered property.”

“I’m not from New Jersey … I was born in Staten Island which is a New York borough … not to be confused with the burro Marlee Matlin bl*ws onstage in Tijuana …Relax, she didn’t even hear it … I mean hey, at least her mouth is good for something right? Hey, that was definitely some great work Marlee … have you ever done anything else actually?”

“Larry King is rockin’ the Armani diaper … Seth MacFarlane is sporting Victoria’s Secret … panties. And Snoop is wearing a Louis Vuitton condom … nah, I’m just kidding, he don’t wear condoms, you know that!”

“I like Larry King … he’s a playa … he actually wrote a book named ‘Mr. King Is Having a Heart Attack’ … he got that title from a hooker he was f**king.”

“Trump is a good looking dude … if your eyes are like Marlee Matlin’s ears.”

I’m pretty sure he didn’t write this stuff himself, but if you agree to do something like this, you better make damn sure you say things that at least resemble a joke. He just seemed overwhelmed and out of his element. Like most women are when they see my Star Wars Lego collection. Hey, ladies. Wanna blast through the droid ambush with Mace Windu’s Jedi Starfighter? With quad flick missile launchers and the reliable R8-B7 astromech droid to navigate and repair, Mace Windu will be more than a match for the tactical droid, TX-20, on his Separatist Speeder. No? Can I call you? How about dinner som…hey, where are you going?!

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The Situation Is The Greatest Comedian Of All Time



Comedy Central’s The Roast of Donald Trump aired last night, so that meant people got to see what people who were there have known for almost a week now. That being, instead of The Situation on stage, they should have dug up Greg Giraldo and put him in a top hat or showed a video of a premature baby getting diagnosed with a brain tumor then punched in the stomach. Who knows, people may have actually laughed at that.

Leigen or Teigend or Johnistine or something I haven’t figured out were there:

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The Situation Did Blow On The Air

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With shows like Teen Mom, Jersey Shore, and Skins, it’s unclear why MTV hasn’t been burned to the fucking ground yet, but in case you’re wondering what goes on when these shows are on while you have better things to do, take a look at the above screencaps of last Thursday’s episode. It’s just a reality “star” doing coke in a Miami club. No big deal.
Fork Party reports:

On last Thursday’s episode of Jersey Shore, Mike “The Situation” commits a robbery on Pauly D’s ex, but some keen Fork Party readers noticed that they also enjoy something off Situation’s gold crucifix chain…This isn’t the first time Situation or Jersey Shore has run into cocaine allegations. Last year rumours floated around of coke use in the house…. hard to believe in Miami and from such model citizens! MTV is oblivious to the cocaine allegations, but a few sources have been quoted to say that the cast of Jersey Shore are veterans at dodging MTV’s film crews when they want to. Radar Online knows the identity of the Jersey Shore cast member that is allegedly buying the drugs (in Miami it was incredibly easy to do), but they have not published it publicly. We have a feeling we know who it was buying all the coke for the Jersey Shore cast in Miami, but we’re not about to give that out as the situation is pretty obvious in the photos above. Whoops.

My neighbor Catherine forced me to watch Jersey Shore with her once, and besides looking like a cartoon propaganda poster against Italians, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino is an unhinged lunatic who blows up and makes life miserable for everyone around him if people don’t do exactly what he wants them to do the minute he wants them to do it. Basically, he’s a pouting child on steroids with a fucked up haircut and low-self esteem that he tries to mask with tanner and Affliction shirts. Gee, I wonder what could make someone a paranoid sociopath who basically dry humps women then throws a tantrum when they push him off? Oh, I know. Lots and lots of blow.

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Nope, Not Gay At All

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Herpes infected guido, Mike Sorrentino, finally took his cast photo for Dancing With The Stars, and I don’t know about you, but I wonder how much he charges German men to shit on his chest in a bathtub. I don’t want to tell him how to run his business, but he could probably charge more since he’s famous.

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