Basic Halloween

It’s that time of year, my friends. Females the world over will using a holiday created to remember dead people as an excuse to unleash their inner sluts by adding the word “sexy” in front of a profession so they can go get shitfaced. Good times, good times. The banner pic is Maria Menounos‘ ass in camouflage, and I added some more people who you may or may not care about, but I mean, I’m just kinda biding my time until Heidi Klum’s costume destroys every idea you had or some privileged white girl goes outside in blackface.

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Being A Sundance Celebrity Must Be Hard

This weekend, and well into this week, tons of celebs are down in Park City, Utah attending the Sundance Film Festival for one reason or another. Michelle Trachtenberg is there promoting “Against The Current,” her new film about swimming the Hudson River.

I’ve have a tiny crush on Michelle Trachtenberg since she was in Harriet The Spy way back when. That should have tipped me off to my latent pedophilia like “Last Tango In Paris” taught me that butter should stay away from my hindquarters…

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I Bet Club Axe Smells Like My Bathroom

When I was in college, Axe bodyspray replaced incense, air-freshener, soap and general cleaning around the dorm. If some guy puked on our rug, we’d drag it out into the streets and hit it with a can-and-a-half of Phoenix, and – BLAM! – just like new. But it’s affected me negatively, because the hint of vomit, piss or feces was only masked by Axe for a precious few hours.

Now the “Axe effect” for me reminds me that we all just wallow in our own filth daily. And what better place to be reminded of the human squalor than The Sundance Film Festival in Park city, Utah. A festival that used to be about movies, but now is attended by the likes of Michelle Trachtenberg, Paris Hilton and soon-to-be Playboy’d Aubry O’Day.

And all I can smell is musk and vomit.

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