Michael Douglas Thinks American Actors Are Too “Asexual”

MICHAEL DOUGLAS YELLS AT CLOUD

“In the U.S., we have this relatively asexual or unisex area with sensitive young men and we don’t have many Channing Tatums or Chris Pratts, while the Aussies do,” he told the Independent. “It’s a phenomena.” Douglas said U.S. actors are too obsessed with social media, which causes them to focus more on their public image than on honing their craft. “There’s something going on with young American actors — both men and women — because the Brits and Australians are taking many of the best American roles from them,” he said. “Clearly, it breaks down on two fronts. In Britain, they take their training seriously, while in the States, we’re going through a sort of social-media image-conscious thing rather than formal training. Many actors are getting caught up in this image thing, which is going on to affect their range.”

Let’s forget for a moment that he said this while promoting a movie called Ant-Man, and just say that American actors aren’t asexual, most of them just can’t act. I mean, unless you count the Duggars.

 

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Catherine Zeta-Jones Is Single

Since she's bi-polar and her vagina gave him mouth cancer, Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones have to decided to take a break from their 13-year marriage. People reports:

Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones haven't been photographed together since April 22. They've walked red carpets solo, vacationed separately with their kids, and in recent days, Douglas has been relaxing on a yacht off the coast of Sardinia – with Zeta-Jones at home in New York. So what's really going on with one of Hollywood's most celebrated couples? In this week's new cover story, two close confidantes tell PEOPLE that they've decided to take time apart: "They're taking a break," one source says. Neither star has filed for divorce or moved toward a legal separation, sources say.

"Taking a break", huh? I see. If a French billionaire reveals he has mouth cancer next year, we'll know what's up. We're on to you, Catherine!

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Michael Douglas Says Putting His Mouth On Vaginas Gave Him Throat Cancer
Michael Douglas Says Putting His Mouth On Vaginas Gave Him Throat Cancer

 

If I had to list my top three favorite hobbies, they would be 1.) cunnilingus, 2.) cunnilingus, and 3.) painting Civil War miniatures, so I'd like to thank Michael Douglas for ruining it for everybody. The Guardian reports:

Michael Douglas – the star of Basic Instinct and Fatal Attraction – has revealed that his throat cancer was apparently caused by performing oral sex. Asked whether he now regretted his years of smoking and drinking, usually thought to be the cause of the disease, Douglas replied: “No. Because without wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV [human papillomavirus], which actually comes about from cunnilingus.” Douglas, the husband of Catherine Zeta Jones, continued: “I did worry if the stress caused by my son’s incarceration didn’t help trigger it. But yeah, it’s a sexually transmitted disease that causes cancer. And if you have it, cunnilingus is also the best cure for it.”

Just to put into perspective how this news effects me, this is like Sarah Jessica Parker telling women that all the shoes she bought gave her gangrene and now she has to get a robot foot. I'm going to need a moment.

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Here’s The First Still From Dexter Season 7



Dexter returns to Showtime in a little over three months, and based on last year’s finale, that gun Deb is holding better shoot confetti or several gift cards.

hat tip = dread central

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Catherine Zeta Jones Is Fragile

And Michael Douglas will unleash a hadouken if you touch her. From Radar Online:

What was supposed to be a glorious night in the UK for Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones degenerated into bedlam, when a photographer slammed into the actress outside their London hotel, and RadarOnline.com has the shocking pics for you.

The Wall Street star, 66, his wife, 41, were in London, where Catherine received a prestigious CBE (Commander of the Order of the British Empire) honor from Buckingham Palace. The celeb couple followed that up with a meal at Gordon Ramsay’s restaurant in Claridge’s hotel.

The sparks flew afterwards, as the couple was wading through a sea of paps to return to their room, when a photographer allegedly made contact with Zeta-Jones’ face, causing her to scream out in pain.

A valiant Douglas — still showing the physical effects in his recovery from stage IV throat cancer — sprang into action to protect his wife.

Douglas last month told Matt Lauer the tumor in his throat is gone thanks to an eight-week regimen of radiation and chemotherapy.

A photographer bumps into Catherine Zeta Jones and she starts crying? Give me a break. For someone whose main appeal is how toned she is (or was, given we haven’t seen her bod in a while), she should be able to fend for herself. God knows she won’t always have a fucking cancer patient there to rescue her.

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Cameron Douglas is Living The Dream



Star Magazine is reporting that despite an $88 million trust fund, Cameron Douglas, son of actor Michael Douglas, has been evicted from his house for failing to pay rent. So, what did he leave behind? Memories? No, not so much.
….Cameron Douglas has been given the boot from his leased home in L.A.’s Laurel Canyon. Classic signs of drug use were discovered in the home vacated by Cameron and his roommate, including glassine envelopes and home drug-testing kits, spoons used to heat a substance over the stove and filthy syringes and mirrors covered in white powder. “A lot of drug activity must have been going on in there,” says landlord Sky Reiss tells Star in an exclusive interview. Cam — who at 30 has been in an out of rehab and has multiple arrests for cocaine possession, among things — moved in last March. When he stopped making rent payments, his famous father picked up the $4,200-a-month tab for “a couple of months,” says Reiss. “But then his payments stopped too.” So earlier this month an L.A. Sheriff arrived with an eviction notice. “Cameron and his roommate ran out the back door, leaving Cam’s girlfriend behind to deal with it,” says Reiss. And Reiss was left to deal with the “disgusting mess.”

It’s unclear whether being thrown into a lion pit would teach this idiot any responsibility, but hey, somebody needs to try something. Worse case scenario the lions might get high.

SMILF:

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How Did I End Up Married To You?

Catherine Zeta Jones still looks smoking. Maybe it’s because she’s 39 and Michael Douglas is 64, but looking at these pictures from the Producer’s Guild Awards, I can’t help but feel like that college freshman who’s secret crush is laying some pipe with the damn English professor, just out of grad school.

At least I have my thoughts and my ongoing plan to murder Mr. Stahl.

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