Michael C. Hall Has A Secret New Girlfriend

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In December 2008, Dexter and Raleigh native (yes, I threw that in there) star Michael C. Hall, 40, married co-star Jennifer Carpenter, 31, in a private ceremony. On January 14, 2010, Hall revealed he was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma. Four months later, doctors proclaimed him cancer free. Then for Christmas, his wife divorced him. Now he’s fucking a 25-year old. God is great. Daily Mail reports:

Dexter star Michael C. Hall has a new girlfriend and he has reportedly managed to keep her a secret for five months. And to add insult to injury for his ex-wife Jennifer Carpenter, the new woman is 15 years younger than the 40-year-old actor. Hall has reportedly been dating 25-year-old Vanessa Abrue, who works for Showtime the network that owns his show Dexter, since March – less than three months after Jennifer, 31, filed for divorce from the star. ‘No one would ever suspect these two were together because she isn’t what anyone would expect Michael to be with,’ an insider told RadarOnline.com. ‘They hardly go out together but when they do it’s always with a group of people so no one would suspect he’s with someone.’ Vanessa would constantly talk about Michael texting her at all hours of the night but said she thought it was all worth it,’ the source said. ‘They mostly hang out at Michael’s house, but when she does go out in public with him it’s only with others and she walks at a distance.’ ‘It’s more like Michael, Vanessa and a few others that work on Dexter that are not actors. They are all close to Vanessa’s age,’ the insider said. ‘When they all hang out at Michael’s, Vanessa would always stay the night with him but I don’t think Michael realizes how much Vanessa talks about him to friends.’

So to recap, a chick 15 years younger than him regularly comes to his house to bang him, but when they go out in public she has to walk 10 yards behind him. I was going to write something to make this sound better, but I’m pretty sure that’s literally impossible.

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Julia Stiles Says She Didn’t Split Up Dexter’s Marriage

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Earlier this week it was announced that Jennifer Carpenter had filed for divorce from her husband and castmate from the brilliant Dexter, Michael C. Hall. Immediately, rumors that Julia Stiles was to blame. You know, because they fucked on the show. Makes sense. People reports:

I have absolutely nothing to do with the split between Michael and Jennifer,” the actress, 29, says in a statement. “We are good friends and enjoyed working together. This is a personal matter between them, and we should respect their privacy.” Adds Stiles, “Although I too prefer to keep my private life, private – I felt compelled to dispel the rumors I was somehow the cause for this matter.”

Michael C. Hall certainly appears to have a type. Bony white chicks who look like they’ve had a mastectomy and their top lips donated to science. Are we sure this guy is from Raleigh? That can’t be right.

Hey, I have the same henley! That’s the point of this video, right?

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Deb Has Filed For Divorce

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Jennifer Carpenter, who plays Michael C. Hall‘s sister Deb on Dexter, has filed for divorce after two years of marriage. Wait, she knows Julia Stiles was just pretending to have sex with Dexter, right? TMZ reports:

They play brother and sister on television and got married in real life — but now Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter have new roles … they’re gonna be exes, and TMZ has learned Jennifer is pulling the plug on the marriage. Sources tell TMZ Jennifer will file divorce papers this week, possibly tomorrow. Hall and Carpenter have been separated for “some time.” The split was first reported by “Access Hollywood.”

Yikes. Michael C. Hall survived cancer only to live to get a divorce. I can totally relate. One time I sat through an entire commercial break only to watch the Panthers lose a timeout because they challenged a call. Jesus, John Fox, can’t you do anything right? If Brandon LaFell lands on top of the Gatorade cooler, there’s a pretty good chance he might be out of bounds.

“I mean are you trying to fuck her or set her on fire?” God, I love Deb:

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Dexter Sings Christmas Carols


Michael C. Hall was on Jimmy Fallon last night where he sang Santa Claus Is Coming To Town as Dexter. Normally I wouldn’t care, but Michael C. Hall is from Raleigh and Dexter is one of the greatest shows in television history. He could have been showing the audience his bird watch scrapbook and I probably still would have posted it.

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“Blood. Sometimes it sets my teeth on edge, other times it helps me control the chaos”


If the trailer gets me this excited, I’m going to need spare panties for each episode…

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Dexter Is Cancer Free

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In January, it was announced that Michael C. Hall, the star of the Showtime’s brilliant Dexter, had been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma. It is now April. He is now cancer free. AP reports:

The wife of Michael C. Hall says the “Dexter” star is “fully recovered” from cancer and has returned to work. Jennifer Carpenter said Friday that Hall was “incredibly brave” when he announced in January that he was undergoing treatment for Hodgkin’s lymphoma, a cancer that attacks the lymph nodes. The 38-year-old Hall went into remission and continued treatment at a health facility near Los Angeles. Hall won a Screen Actors Guild Award and a Golden Globe Award earlier this year for his portrayal of Dexter, a serial killer who targets other murderers. Carpenter stars on the bloody Showtime hit series as Dexter’s seemingly unknowing sister.

Dexter is by far the best show on television, so it’s good to see something good not get fucked up by the star not dying. Yet, American Idol has been on for almost ten years and nobody has died. Where’s the outrage? I think the contestants would make better song selections if being in the bottom three meant lethal injection or being chained to a tree in a T-Rex paddock. Are you not entertained?!

“You get a goddamn hard on there, Morgan?”

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New York Times’ Bloggers Are On The Pulse

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Three days before the 2010 Golden Globes, Dexter star Michael C. Hall announced that he had been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma and had successfully undergone treatment. A blogger for The Moment, the New York Times’ style blog, tweeted this on the night of the Golden Globes:

“Is Michael C. Hall playing Bob Marley in an upcoming movie? Don’t get the hat or what he is hiding under it.”

Tweet FAIL. Us Magazine reports:

The “Moment” blogger eventually realized the unfortunate oversight with a red-faced Tweet: “So sorry that Michael C. Hall has had cancer. Thanks for clarifying why he is wearing a knitted skull cap.”

Man, I’m glad he got to the bottom of this, because we all know that bloggers usually get their information by carrier pigeon. Hopefully somebody told him why Brittany Murphy didn’t show up or why the interview questions he had for Michael Landon might not get to be used.

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Dexter Has Cancer

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Dexter star, Michael C. Hall, has been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma. Screw you, God. NY Post reports:

“I feel fortunate to have been diagnosed with an imminently treatable and curable condition, and I thank my doctors and nurses for their expertise and care,” Hall, 38, said yesterday in a statement.” The actor was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma, a cancer of the lymphatic system.The disease is considered highly treatable with the potential for full recovery.

Dexter is by far one of the greatest things on television, so of course the actor who plays him has cancer. Shit like Grey’s Anatomy and 90210 will be on the air forever, but Dexter can’t last four seasons without chemotherapy. I don’t even know why I watch television anymore. It’s not worth it. And it would give me time to finish painting my Civil War miniatures. I utilize hobby paints and oils to bring these highly detailed miniatures to life!

Two of the greatest characters in the history of television:


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Dexter’s Wife is Hot



If you haven’t bought Jennifer Carpenter anything for a wedding present yet, you might want to think about deodorant. I don’t know why, but I can’t seem to shake the feeling that it hasn’t been marked off her bridal registry.

Dexter is one of the best things on television right now, but they play brother and sister on the show. C’mon, man:

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