"We started from the line outside and now we're still here." – Drake
After the Miami Heat won their second NBA title in two years by defeating the San Antonio Spurs last night, Drake thought it would be a good idea to go celebrate in the Heat locker room (probably because he promised himself he'd wouldn't miss this again), but he was denied because he wasn't media. His response? "I am media. I'm Drake." DeGrassi is apparently not great school. But it all turned out okay, because since his eyes are evolutionary miracles that grew on the side of his head, he was able to see around the corner and find a way in without incident.
I'm not sure how many of you watched Game 3 of the NBA Finals last night, but if you didn't, the San Antonio Spurs basically told the Miami Heat to go outside a pick a switch off a tree so they could beat them with it then opened hand slapped them when the Heat said they were going to call the police to report them for child abuse. Just like my grandma. It was 50-44 at halftime, then…..shit got out of hand. Mostly due to Danny Green (above), and Gary Neal who helped set a NBA Finals record for most three-pointers in a game (16). Danny Green got cut by the Cleveland Cavaliers and was sent to the D-League twice. Gary Neal entered the NBA Draft in 2007, but didn't get drafted and played three years overseas because nobody wanted a guard from Towson University who had been acquitted of a rape charge. LeBron James, Chris Bosh, and Dwayne Wade made a combined salary on $52, 272,000 in 2013. Oops. I'm just glad this game wasn't in Miami so all the escorts in the luxury boxes didn't have to negotiate a price for cigars being put out on them.
“Confucius say, ‘He who make premature endorsement deal should take money and open laundromat.'”
On February 4, mathletes and New York Knicks fans everywhere, hailed Harvard graduate and NBA afterthought, Jeremy Lin, as the savior of the franchise after he seemingly came out of nowhere to drop 25 points and 7 assists on the lowly New Jersey Nets. He’s been on an unlikely run since, and because he’s obviously an expert on sports, Perez Hilton compared New York Knicks starting novelty to LeBron James (seriously, he compared the 4th string whose been cut twice to the guy who played his high school games on ESPN). Then, you know, until the Knicks played the Miami Heat last night. ESPN reports:
After the Knicks’ 102-88 loss to the Heat, New York Knicks point guard Jeremy Lin was at his locker with his head down. He finished with just as many turnovers (eight) as points — his lowest total since his sudden surge started against the Nets. Knicks forward Carmelo Anthony, whose locker was directly across from Lin’s, recognized Lin’s dejection, as did the other players, and they went over to comfort him. Due to the presence of Mario Chalmers, Dwyane Wade, LeBron James and Joel Anthony — a center who can move in every direction like a crab — Lin and backup point guard Baron Davis were suffocated on the perimeter. The Heat have a defensive system that thrives on airtight rotations and aggressively disrupting the pick-and-roll ball-handler (Lin and Davis). Lin said after the game that he couldn’t remember another game where it was hard just to dribble the ball. He said the Heat did a good job of forcing him left, which the book says is a weakness of his, and not letting him make the swing pass to disrupt the Heat’s defensive rotations. He said the next time he faces the Heat, he’ll look to make them work harder for 24 seconds and make sure his passes jump-start the Knicks’ offense better and are directed exactly where they need to go.
When players like this come out of nowhere, it’s for a reason. That’s because NBA scouts aren’t going to spend a lot of time going to Harvard to watch an Asian kid play basketball in between chess practices or AV Club meetings or whatever (maybe noodles). Jeremy Lin became the starter because the Knicks literally had no other choice, and combined with the shortened lockout season that gives teams hardly no time to prepare or practice, Lin caught some teams off guard. Now it’s been 20 days. And now he’s on other teams’ scouting reports. And once they read it, they’ll want to read it again an hour later BOOM SAVE AND PUBLISH.