Man, What Beautiful Kids

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Sarah Jessica Parker picked up her kids from electric shock therapy this weekend then took them on a stroller ride through NYC. I have no idea why they need electrodes hooked up to their temples, but I assume it has something to do with doctors realizing Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are their parents.

Note
: People get mad when I pick on kids, but please. They’re a result of a sperm of fertilizing an egg, they didn’t invent a time machine. They’ll have people kissing their ass soon enough.

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Somebody Call Child Protective Services

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I have no idea why Sarah Jessica Parker wasn’t tethered to the baby stroller, but here she is with her totally not homosexual at all husband Matthew Broderick. Apparently placing your hands on a bar of a stroller and pushing it requires you to pass a rigorous test, because Sarah Jessica Parker looks like an unfrozen caveman who just found a skateboard. She has no idea what she’s doing. They have twins, so I guess the other baby is in the stroller being hurled to her death because her mom’s bridle slipped off. That’s probably for the best, because when your dad looks like a effeminate library science teacher and your mom looks like a Civil War ghost, it might be best to get hit by oncoming traffic.

Note: Sorry for being so sickly. I breastfed until I was four and my father beat me a lot, so I really don’t know what the problem is. Anyway, my stomach still looks like 2Pac’s after a trip to Vegas, but other than that, I’m fine. Thanks for all the comments whining about how I suck for having my gall bladder removed. Those meant a lot and really helped in my recovery. I can see how me getting internal organs removed can really inconvenience you when you’re trying to fuck off at work. My bad.

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Never Forget

As a nation, we suffered a tragedy nine years ago and vowed to stand united. Today, let’s put aside any differing opinions and reflect on why we commemorate the events of 9/11. Please take time to remember all the victims and their families, and honor the heroes still sacrificing and serving their country.

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Sarah Jessica Parker Needs a Bigger Stall



Trying to put an end to their divorce and the “Matthew Broderick is a flaming queer” rumors, the couple have announced they are expecting twins! You know, without all the heterosexual sex. OK! Magazine reports:

Congratulations to Sarah Jessica Parker and husband Matthew Broderick, who confirmed on Tuesday that, with the aid of a surrogate mother, they are expecting twins this summer! In a statement released to Entertainment Weekly, a rep for the couple said they are “happily anticipating the birth of their twin daughters later this summer with the generous help of a surrogate. The entire family is overjoyed.”

Wow, nothing says true love like jerking off into a plastic cup and having your semen surgically injected into a third party carrying your wife’s eggs, so congratulations to the happy couple! Not the kid though. Especially since his dad looks like an effeminate junior high Earth Science teacher and his mom looks like Marshall Bravestarr’s horse. This kid could come out with scales and talons, and they would be, at best, his third worst feature.

Not to sound jealous, but look at all the sexual chemistry in these pictures. RAWR!:

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Without Your Dagger To Defend You, You Have Only Links

“Acting isn’t about escaping, it’s about running towards yourself.” If that makes sense to you, you’d probably like this Oscar noms roundtable [LaineyGossip]

If it doesn’t, there’s always part of Marisa Miller‘s bikini bottom slipping off…Site NSFW [TaxiDriverMovie]

This slutty outfit would have been awesome on so many people that aren’t Katie Price [HollywoodTuna]

I don’t know why no one noticed before, but Sam Ronson looks a lot like Michael Lohan. Site NSFW [DrunkenStepfather]

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie rented this place on Long Island. I wonder if I can live in teh pool house. [CityRag]

Somethings wrong when your kid needs a police escort to get out of elementary school. [JustJared]

Pete Wentz wears boots that make me want (more…)

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Sarah Jessica Parker is Moving Out



Apparently tired of her husband Matthew Broderick cheating on her and believing she has other options, Sarah Jessica Parker has begun house hunting in NYC so she can live a carefree single life. But not the carefree single life like she did in Sex and The City, because she doesn’t live in an alternate universe Manhattan where ugly middle-aged whores bang twenty-something male models. Star reports:

“The time has come when she realizes it just isn’t worth it,” a friend of the couple tells Star. “Sarah Jessica is determined to get her own place and bring down the curtain on her marriage.” Adds another insider: “Sarah’s not stupid. She knows exactly what’s going on. For a while it was easier for her to stay than go through a harsh divorce. They’re essentially living separate lives.”

I’m not sure why I’m even writing this because I don’t care about anyone involved in this story and I’m still unable to figure out why Sarah Jessica Parker is famous. It’s not like she can act, and with that face the only thing she should be starring in is a Nativity scene. I realize she’s supposed to a “unique beauty”, but seriously, what does it say about you when this guy cheats on you? It’s hard to tell if he’s going to meet his new piece or going to a gay detective conference.

Sarah Jessica Parker in NYC earlier this week:

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Matthew Broderick Cheated on Sarah Jessica Parker



After 11 years of marriage, Matthew Broderick finally realized he was married to Sarah Jessica Parker. Star Magazine reports:

In the new issue of Star – on newsstands now – we exclusively report that while the beloved actress was frantically searching for hubby Matthew Broderick one night earlier this year, he was having sex in the city with a gorgeous redhead half his age, the young woman told a friend. After meeting in a bar, Matthew began text messaging the 25-year-old youth counselor, says the woman’s pal. Soon after, the insider claims, they began seeing each other and things got passionate quickly when they met at the Manhattan townhouse of a showbiz friend.”

Matthew Broderick looks like a 7th grade chemistry teacher, but I’m sure he can pull a better quality of ass than Sarah Jessica Parker. Partly because he’s Ferris Bueller, but mostly because Sarah Jessica Parker is really, really ugly. Seriously. I fully expect her car to be powered by the screams of children.

Sarah Jessica Parker at the MLB all-star game on July 21st:

Photos: Splash

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Sarah Jessica Parker Loves Her Gay Husband



You know the rumor that Sarah Jessica Parker’s marriage to Matthew Broderick is fake because Broderick is a flaming queer? Yeah, that one. In an interview with New York Magazine yesterday, Parker wasn’t helping to quiet that down. New York Magazine says:

…when I talk about my husband, who like Broderick is a science geek and a gadget-hound, she suggests that we should set them up as friends. “Matthew doesn’t have enough friends,” she tells me, sounding very mother-hennish and adding that Matthew has mostly gay friends in New York.”

Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a goblin raped a horse, so even if Matthew Broderick isn’t gay, he should probably just come out and say he is. I really don’t know what he’s waiting for at this point. If I was him, I’d be wearing a Captain’s hat and a mesh halter top every day. Oh, and rollerblades. You know, just to fully drive the point home that the only way I’d want see Sarah Jessica Parker naked is if we went shopping.

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