Everyone In Hollywood Is Gay

If you’re a straight male in your 30’s or 40’s, I bet a good birthday party idea would be to invite all your friends to a transgendered club and let a fancy cross-dressing hostess paddle all your friends for being naughty boys. No? That doesn’t sound like a good idea? Why would you say that? STOP BULLYING!! Page Six reports:

Tom Cruise and Matt Damon got spankings Saturday night at a naughty birthday bash for Damon. Cruise was spotted at Simon Hammerstein’s London club The Box to toast Damon’s 42nd birthday, along with “The Avengers” hunk Chris Hemsworth, Emily Blunt, Bill Paxton and party organizer John Krasinski. “Tom arrived solo,” said a spy, who added that the Hollywood heavyweights all “got paddled on their rears” by the club’s cross-dressing hostess. “Matt got some extra spanking” for being the birthday boy, and, “they all had a fantastic night enjoying the shows and partying till the end.”

Besides professional wrestling and a fraternity, there’s really nothing more homoerotic than when A-list actors have bro time. I bet the party was really fun. Especially when they all talked about their time in high school drama club.

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Matt And Ben Are Back Together

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, my favorite duo since Ketel One and olives, might be partnering up for another movie. Is it too early to start lining up for tickets? The New York Post reported:

The best buddies are actually planning to reunite for the first time since the Oscar winning “Good Will Hunting” with “The Trade,” a real life story of two Yankee pitchers from the 1970’s who swapped wives. No shock here that this scandalous tale would come from boys who are lifelong members of Red Sox Nation — although Ben promises there won’t be any cheap shots. “It’s a pre-Steinbrenner Yankees, so it’s a different club,” Ben told MTV News, before finding himself incapable of adding, “as an institution, disdain. Contempt.” Although the final pieces of the puzzle have yet to fall into place — Ben is still rewriting the script with brother Casey — the intention is that Matt & Ben would both be involved, either in starring or directing capacities.


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Shut Up Matt Damon

I’m waiting for today to be less boring and I really want to like Matt Damon, but apparently little miss Tuesday is being difficult. Us Magazine reports:

Damon — whose latest Untitled Jason Bourne Project is now in production for a 2010 release — also spoke out about how his famous assassin character is nothing like James Bond. “They could never make a James Bond movie like any of the Bourne films,” Damon said. “Because Bond is an imperialist, misogynist sociopath who goes around bedding women and swilling martinis and killing people. He’s repulsive.

Wow, seriously? For real? I might be mistaken, but I’ve seen all the Bourne movies and I don’t recall any scenes where Jason Bourne was working for Meals on Wheels or teaching a black orphan boy how to fly a kite. I mostly remember him snapping foreigner’s necks. Bond kills people and bangs hot spy ass because it’s his job, but I guess Bourne does it because he’s a victim and doesn’t know why God made him like this. Who knows if this age old argument will ever be settled, but I know what we can all agree on my friends. A regular towel doesn’t even work wet, but the ShamWow! works wet or dry! You’ll be saying wow every time!

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Jimmy Kimmel is Linking Ben Affleck

[SinglePic not found]
Rachel Bilson gets banged [Hollywood Tuna]
Paris Hilton and another douchebag join forces [Dlisted]
Heidi Klum comes up roses [Just Jared]
Amy Winehouse will launch her own fashion line [Hollywood Rag]
Madonna goes to jury duty [ASL]
Cher or drag Cher? [City Rag]
Ashlee Simpson pretending to be Britney Spears (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
David Beckham stops to smell the flowers [Popsugar]
Elizabeth Banks is fucking Seth Rogen [Popoholic]
Brooke Hogan’s bikini photo-op [Egotastic]
Karolina Kurkova’s topless photoshoot (NSFW) [Taxi Driver Movie]

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Matt Damon is the Sexiest Man Alive

Matt Damon was named People’s Sexiest Man Alive 2007 today, topping a list that included Patrick Dempsey, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Javier Bardem, Will Smith, Adrian Grenier, and Ben Affleck. People says:

You’ve given an aging suburban dad the ego-boost of a lifetime,” Damon, 37, told People, explaining why he couldn’t possibly accept the crown – which perfectly demonstrates many of the reasons we chose him in the first place: irresistible sense of humor, rock solid family man, heart-melting humility.”

Apparently all the sexiest men in the world work in Hollywood, so okay, Matt Damon. Whatever. I thought guys like Matt Damon and I didn’t need labels, because we’re more concerned about the issues of the world. Like poverty and gas prices. Seriously, something has to be done about that. If gas prices get any higher, I won’t even be able to tip that Mexican dude who carries my golf clubs and ties off my yacht. Poor guy.

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Matt Damon is Cool

It goes without saying that Ben Affleck is a complete tool and really doesn’t deserve to be as famous as he is, but you can’t really deny that Matt Damon is cool as hell. He’s a great actor, you never hear anything about him on sites like this, he married some normal bartender chick, and to top it all off, he plays the colon-stomping badass, Jason Bourne. Like he does in this spoof on Jimmy Kimmel Live. But instead of searching for his unknown past, he slaps around a Mexican guy. And believe me, it is as fun as it looks.

Note: Relax, I was kidding.

Matt on August 6th:

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George Clooney’s Lips are Worth $350,000

The cast of Ocean’s 13 showed up at the Cinema Against AIDS dinner in Cannes last night, and helped Sharon Stone bring in a record $7 million for the Foundation for AIDS Research. Although the group auctioned off a seven-day Mediterranean getaway on a private boat, Sharon Stone auctioned off the cast:

As Clooney and his castmates auctioned off a seven-day Mediterranean getaway on a private boat, Stone announced: “If you bid, one of these guys will come down and touch you. And you can choose which one.” But the choice was clear. With flourish – and on stage – Clooney promptly kissed the lucky girlfriend of the winning bidder, who’d ponied up $350,000.”

George Clooney is one of the biggest pimps in Hollywood, so I think my mother is just being nice when she says I’m that handsome. Because when I volunteer for charity, I’m working the concession stand. When George Clooney does it, hot women hand him bags of money to make out with him. Thanks for the complex, mom. Why don’t you just leave me alone?! I never asked to be born!

Thanks, Madison!

The cast of Ocean’s 13 today in Cannes:

More Ocean’s 13 stuff:


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