Martha Stewart Wants Gwyneth Paltrow To Shut The Hell Up
Martha Stewart Wants Gwyneth Paltrow To Shut The Hell Up


Long story short, Martha Stewart has no time for Gwyneth Paltrow’s bullshit.

“She just needs to be quiet. She’s a movie star. If she were confident in her acting, she wouldn’t be trying to be Martha Stewart,the domestic doyenne snipped to Net-a-Porter’s Porter magazine. And, after Blake Lively started her own lifestyle site, Preserve, Stewart admits the “Gossip Girl” star had come to her for advice — but sidesteps making a judgment and leaves it to her senior vice president, Kevin Sharkey, who says of Lively: “I don’t get the sense she’s credible. She’s enthusiastic, but she’s not credible.”

Damn, Martha. Why you gotta go so hard? Gwyneth Paltrow might try to retaliate by summoning a Jew Koballah beast, but please remember that Martha is a convicted felon who kept the prison dykes from making her vagina a place setting by helping them make simple, yet elegant shanks and cigarettes made out of crepe paper or felt or whatever. Gwyneth better sit this one out.

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Martha Stewart Has A Very Friendly Dog

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I bet she adopted this dog. That’s why I always buy from puppy mills. They breed the souls and the will to live out of them. I want a pet, not something that flinches every time I pick up a broom. If I wanted to pay for emotional issues, I’d go to a strip club. Splash News reports:

Martha Stewart was forced to get nine stitches after she was mauled by her pet French bulldog, Francesca. The domestic diva, 69, recounted the incident on her official blog, and posted several images of her going under the knife afterwards. She explained how she “leaned down to whisper goodbye to a dozing Francesca” at her Westchester County, NY, home on a Tuesday night. “I must have startled her because she bolted upright with such force that she hit me in the face like a boxing glove hitting an opponent’s face,” she said. She added: “I was entirely startled and my neck snapped back. I felt a bit of whiplash as blood gushed forth from my split lip. Frannie was as upset as I was and cowered in her bed.” She then went to an ER to get treated. “I’ll be alright facially. I’m not rushing to get a facelift any time soon!” she said later.

Man, that’s too bad. Say what you want, but this would have never happened to Michael Vick. NEVER. When you’re tied to an engine block awaiting your death, things usually get put into perspective a lot faster.

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