Mark Wahlberg Is A Man Of Stature

Mark Wahlberg attended the L.A. premiere of The Fighter last night, and as you can see, he really trained hard to play former lightweight champion, “Irish” Micky Ward. I really don’t know the story, but IMDB tells me it’s an “against-all-odds comeback story of redemption”. Man, this sounds great. It’ll be cool to see how somebody goes from making toys at the North Pole to being a professional boxer. What a remarkable story!

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Mark Wahlberg Says He Could Knock Out Manny Pacquiao

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If you had four garden gnomes and stacked three on top of each other, Mark Wahlberg might be able to reach to put the fourth one on top, but apparently playing a boxer makes him think he could actually beat the greatest fighter of the last ten years.
TMZ reports:

Wahlberg was on the “Dan Patrick Show” this morning — where he revealed that he “clocked” a guy in a L.A. nightclub recently … and “fish hooked” some guy’s eye socket during a rumble at a Patriots-Jets football game a few years ago. Crazy violent stuff. (Audio here) But the most shocking part — Wahlberg, who trained as a boxer for his new movie “The Fighter” — thinks he could K.O. Manny Pacquiao … if he could land a suckerpunch to the side of his head. Wahlberg explains, “If I can choke him and wrestle him than that’s it … but I don’t want to be, you know, getting picked apart by him … that’s not a good call.”

I don’t know if the makeup guy on set gave him some poison foundation that fucked with his brain or what, but Floyd Mayweather, Jr. won’t even fight this guy. And people who fight Mayweather need GPS to find their corners after the first round. Maybe Wahlberg thought Dan Patrick asked him about Handy Manny, I don’t know. I’ve taken Krav Maga for a long time now, and the only way I’d get in a ring with Manny Pacquiao is if I had a pet dragon with lasers for eyes or we were at the circus.

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Mark Wahlberg is Complimentary

Mark Wahlberg is a notorious jackass, so of course he couldn’t help himself when he was asked about Kate Moss and their famous 1992 Calvin Klein ads in an interview with Nuts Magazine. The Sun reports:

“It was OK. I wasn’t into the waif thing. She [Kate Moss] kind of looked like my nephew. I mean she’s beautiful – she’s a very pretty nephew – but I’m more into curvy women.”

It’s hard not to argue with Mark Wahlberg, I guess. Especially since Kate Moss looks like she should be dancing on a table with a top hat and umbrella explaining to Pinocchio about a good conscience.

Not looking a nephew, here’s Lucy Pinder in this week’s issue of Nuts Magazine. Ta-dow! NSFW:

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Mark Wahlberg Will Punch Andy Samberg’s Big Nose, Part 2

Mark Wahlberg made his guest appearance on SNL this weekend (as telegraphed) , and boy was it hilarious. He basically did everything Samberg did in the first skit, except with way more awkward wooden line delivery and less animals. Man, what a riot! The only thing could be funnier than listening to Marky Mark recite lines would be Frankenstein reading a recipe.

Mark arriving at the Jimmy Kimmel Live! taping last week:

Photos: Splash

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Mark Wahlberg Will Punch Andy Samberg’s Big Nose

Mark Wahlberg says the same things to me while we’re having sex, and so what if our chicken is there while we’re doing it? Who are you to criticize? Is your chicken as camera friendly? Are you picking my hair out of your clothes on Kimmel? No. Envy is a sin, my friends.

Thanks, Ginny!

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Mark Wahlberg Should Shut Up

Andy Samberg did a sketch two weeks ago on SNL called, “Mark Wahlberg Talks To Animals.” Mark Wahlberg was not pleased. In a Q&A with the New York Post, Wahlberg says:

“Someone showed it to me on YouTube. It wasn’t like Tina Fey doing Sarah Palin, that’s for sure. And “Saturday Night Live” hasn’t been funny for a long time. They’ve asked me to do the show a ton of times. I used to watch it when Eddie Murphy was there and Joe Piscopo and Bill Murray. I don’t even know who’s on the show now.”

Ah, I see. So it’s cool to make fun of other people, but it becomes a problem when it’s about you. Maybe you should lighten the hell up. Or maybe you should try an acting class. That might help. Especially since a BB gun has more range than you, jackass.

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