Mariah Carey stopped by two Australian radio shows yesterday, Kyle & Jackie O and Fitzy & Wippa, and not only d Australians have dumb names for morning shows, they asked Mariah about her experience on American Idol. Probably not the best idea. She called it boring and fake, and when as ked if she was coming back for the final season, she replied (I’m not paraphrsaing here) “Hell no! Absolutely not! It was the worst experience of my life.” But remember when Mariah and Nicki Minaj wanted to snatch each others’ weaves every epsiode? Yeah, the producers wanted that.
“I don’t think they had any intentions for us to have a good experience doing that show. Pitting two females against each other wasn’t cool,” the pop superstar revealed. “It should’ve been about the contestants instead of about some nonexistent feud that turned into even more ridiculousness.”
Look, American Idol should have been cancelled like 10 years ago. Carrie Underwood is the only one who has ever done anything worth a shit. I guess you can count Kelly Clarkson for a quick sec before she thought she knew better than Clive Davis and installed a Krispy Kreme franchise in her house. And maybe Adam Lambert. But I think he’s retired and gone to live in a John Water’s movie.
Mariah Carey was on Live! With Kelly and Michael, and she talked about the time she went back in time and ate the Mariah Carey in the Heartbreaker video with some biscuits and syrup. Or she didn’t. I don’t know. I didn’t watch this broadcast nor do I DVR it.
A grand jury (which is slowly becoming police officers’ favorite phrase) decided not to indict the NYC cop who murdered Eric Garner on a sidewalk in broad daylight for breaking up a fight, but Fox News really hoped that people would be okay with that decision and not riot, because there are more important things going on in the world other than cops given free reign to kill at will. Things like the tree lighting ceremony at Rockefeller Center. The tree lighting ceremony where Mariah Carey performed and sounded like she just found out Christmas sent sexts to Nick Cannon. You can watch the whole performance after the jump, or you if want to feel bad for a millionaire, you can hear the isolated vocals here. I’m not really sure why you would.
I’m not gonna sit here and say Mariah Carey can’t sing, because we all know she can, but apparently all the radiation still left in Japan from Godzilla and America had an effect on her voice, because damn. Mariah Carey sounds like drunk Todd doing Mariah Carey karaoke in a place where where the karaoke machine puts up the wrong words.
Yes, Mariah Carey is kinda crazy and willingly allowed herself to be impregnated by Nick Cannon, but if you say you don't know every word to at least one of her songs, you're lying to us. And most importantly, you're lying to yourself. Also, her boobs look like this and that carries a lot of weight in the figurative sense. Not in the figure sense: her lower back. But we all have to be willing to make sacrifices in our lives.
I honestly have no idea what's happening here, but Mariah Carey posted this pic of her in a bikini walking her dog in Aspen. To reiterate, she's wearing a bikini outside in Aspen. I don't know, Ecstasy? Ecstasy would be my first guess. Menopause would be a close second.
Two days ago, we learned that Nicki Minaj is a catty bitch who can’t share a stage with another woman without threatening violence, and today we learn Mariah Carey will probably be murdered at some point. Radar Online reports:
On The View Thursday morning Barbara Walters said she called Mariah Carey, who told her when Nicki walked off the set multiple people heard her say “If I had a gun I’d shoot the b*itch.” Mariah told Barbara that staff members, hairdressers, and others heard the threat and “she’s very concerned.” Mimi also told Barbara that she was with her twins and “Nicki is unpredictable, she can’t take a chance and she has hired extra security.”
I know it’s probably hard to hide a gun under her wig, but has she thought about hiding one in her ass? She can fit like what? Seven in there? At least six. She could definitely fit six.
Since the day she was announced as a judge on American Idol, reports came out that Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey didn’t get along. Those reports were incorrect, because they really don’t fucking get a long. TMZ reports:
Nicki Minaj derailed the “American Idol” auditions in Charlotte, North Carolina Tuesday, after swearing at Mariah Carey and threatening, “I’m gonna knock you out” … but Mariah FIRED RIGHT BACK with insults of her own. Sources say Nicki later threatened to “knock out” Mariah … but she said it before the video starts.
Nicki: Get this s**t in self control. Get in control. Get in control. Randy: Settle down, settle down. Nicki: Don’t lose your head. Don’t lose your head (inaudible). Don’t tell me I’m a gangster. Nicki: (inaudible) every 5 minutes. So every time you patronize me, I’m-ma take it back, and if you’ve got a f**king problem, handle it. Nicki: I told them I’m not f**kin’ putting up with her f**king highness over there. Figure it the f**k out. Figure it out. Mariah: Oh why, WHYYYY .do I have a three year old sitting around me? Nicki: I’m not gonna sit here every f**king minute to have you come down and harass me every minute everyday. Mariah: I can’t see my kids, because you decided to act like a little crazy bitch and go all around the stage.
THIS JUST NOT IN: Women hate each other. TMZ reports:
Mariah Carey wasted no time proving what we told you 2 weeks ago — there’s only room for one diva on “American Idol.” Carey and Nicki Minaj went at it during the first “A.I.” taping Sunday in NYC. When Nicki started critiquing a contestant, Mariah would interrupt — not once, but many times. Each time Mariah interrupted, Nicki fought back by loudly talking over Mariah. One “A.I.” spy said Mariah and Nicki tried to cover their disdain for each other but everyone saw through it, adding, “These girls just don’t like each other.”
So I guess American Idol is adding a costume competition this year, because that’s the only way I can see why anyone would think Nicki Minaj could judge a nationally televised karaoke competition. But as it turns out, it’ll be just two catty black chicks talking over each other. Not sure why they don’t just move this show to VH1.