Arnold Schwarzenegger’s White Son Is In ICU

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A fat kid gets on a surfboard. Stop me if you’ve heard this one. TMZ reports:

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver’s 13-year-old son Christopher is hospitalized after a serious surfing accident last weekend … so serious he has been in ICU for days …TMZ has learned. Christopher suffered multiple broken bones and a collapsed lung as a result of the accident in Malibu. We’re told Christopher’s condition has now been upgraded and he will be OK. We’re told Maria has constantly been at Chris’ side. And Arnold has been a regular visitor as well. We’re told in spite of the divorce, the entire family has come together as a unit in dealing with Christopher’s accident.

I don’t want to tell anyone how to parent, but maybe they should have bought him a Hoveround instead. I mean, well, look at this kid. Why is he riding a surfboard? You might as well ask him to ride a dragon.

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Maria Shriver Is Richer

Maria Shriver’s getting book deals. Big book deals. Radar Online reports:

Maria Shriver could get more than $15 million as a advance for a tell-all memoir, RadarOnline.com has exclusively learned. Shriver, who filed for divorce from Arnold Schwarzenegger on Friday is the hottest topic in the book world. One top publishing exec told RadarOnline.com that California’s former First Lady could garner more than the all-time advance record, the $15 million paid to Bill Clinton for his memoir, My Life. Shriver is already the author of six best-selling books, including And One More Thing Before You Go… and What’s Happening to Grandpa? But a tell-all about growing up a Kennedy and especially her life with the cheating Arnold and learning he fathered a child by their maid, that’s a whole different story — literally — and it could set sales records. There’s no indication yet if Maria has any interest in spilling the beans, but that’s not stopping publishers from putting together deal offers. The hope of at least one extremely interested publisher is that she’ll agree to a deal once her divorce is finalized, even though the pub date might not be until after her youngest child Christopher turns 18 in 2015.

Initially I thought publishers may be overestimating interest in Maria Shriver and the attention span of the American consumer, but the eventual movie adaptation would look pretty cool. Disney’s still pretty powerful, so enough people would probably pay to see the Terminator banging Ursula behind Maleficent’s back for Maria Shriver to afford a sandwich.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger Had A Baby 10 Years Ago, Not With This Woman

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When the news of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver‘s separation was announced, people wondered what could have broken up a 25-year marriage. Well, fucking your housekeeper then getting her pregnant ten years ago and making your wife believe the housekeeper’s husband was the father might do it. TMZ reported:

Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a baby with a member of his household staff, and that is what sent Maria Shriver packing … and right into the office of a powerful financial adviser to get her affairs in order to end her marriage, TMZ has learned. Sources say Maria was distraught after learning Arnold pulled a John Edwards. The baby mama worked for the family for two decades, retired and received a severance package, according to the L.A. Times. The baby was born more than a decade ago, but until recently Maria thought the father was the woman’s husband at the time. Schwarzenegger told The Times, “After leaving the governor’s office I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago. I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry.”

Whatever. This is pretty much a non-story. I mean, he was married to Maria Shriver for 25 years. Of course he was fucking somebody else. I’m sure she’s a sweet lady, but Shriver looks like something you have to kill in a video game to advance to a new level. The only way I’d have sex with her is if my dick had frostbite and she was the closest thing to me.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger And Maria Shriver Split Up

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After 25 years of marriage, Arnold Schwarzenegger And Maria Shriver have separated. I think they had differing opinions on my Kelly Brook post. Us Magazine reports:

“We are continuing to parent our four children together. They are the light and the center of both of our lives. We consider this a private matter and neither we nor any of our friends or family will have further comment. We ask for compassion and respect from the media and the public.” The Terminator actor and Shriver met in 1977 at a tennis tournament and married in 1986.

This involves a Kennedy, so I was expecting somebody to be found river or in a sea plane that’s not supposed to be a sea plane, so hopefully more details will come out to make this more exciting. Like Maria Shriver was having an affair with Michael Biehn. And that they met at Tech Noir, that new place on Pico.

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