Maria Menounos Wore This

I’m not going to pretend I know what Maria Menounos wore on Jimmy Kimmel Live the other night, but how do you take it off? Because damn. Still unclear why her boyfriend waited 17 years to marry her since she has this and seems excited to do this. My penis is legit twitching right now. It just twitched again. Slow down there, little guy. We have to go to the post office here in a bit. Get yourself together. 

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Maria Menounos Got Engaged On The Howard Stern Show
Maria Menounos Got Engaged On The Howard Stern Show


Maria Menounos has been dating Keven Undergaro for 19 years. He was finally convinced she wasn’t a ho on The Howard Stern Show yesterday.


Ok, that was kinda sweet. She put up a long winded followup post on Instagram after, so feel free to read that if you want to believe if you just wait it out, that your boyfriend will propose to you. Probably not the female empowerment we’re doing in 2016. 


[  banner pic = Instagram  ]

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Basic Halloween

It’s that time of year, my friends. Females the world over will using a holiday created to remember dead people as an excuse to unleash their inner sluts by adding the word “sexy” in front of a profession so they can go get shitfaced. Good times, good times. The banner pic is Maria Menounos‘ ass in camouflage, and I added some more people who you may or may not care about, but I mean, I’m just kinda biding my time until Heidi Klum’s costume destroys every idea you had or some privileged white girl goes outside in blackface.

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Here’s A Picture Of Maria Menounos Sucking On A Cakepop
Here’s A Picture Of Maria Menounos Sucking On A Cakepop

 

So, Maria Menounos has been on the site again recently because BAM DAT ASS, and here she is sucking on a cakepop. What a coincidence, mine's brown, too. And it has cream inside oh god Todd you went too far there man just hit publish so embarrasing.

 

pic source = Instagram

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Here’s A Bunch Of Pictures Of Maria Menounos And Her Butt

I'm not going to lie to you, I have no idea nor do I really care what the Variety Breakthrough Of The Year Awards are, but apparently they have them every year, and this year, Maria Menounos showed up in this dress and omg dat ass. Sorry, did that sound like I was objectifying her? Good, because I totally was just then. Because we're all looking at the same pictures here. Specifically, pictures of said dat ass. Jesus talked about it in the Bible once. For real, look it up. "Damn, son. Booty had me like..," Jesus was quoted as saying.

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Maria Menounos Is In A Bikini

I have no idea why Maria Menounos is famous, but if I had to guess, its because she looks like this in a bikini. Boobs, stomach, hips, legs, and ass are all covered. The only way she could be better is if she could give head with her mind.

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Maria Menounos Is In A Bikini Again



Women make a big deal about being able to have kids like it’s some sort of miracle instead of bodily function, but please understand that as a man, I could launch an entire civilization on Maria Menounos‘ stomach in about two minutes. Or her face. Greeks like shitty tasting yogurt. I guess what I’m saying is that every uterus and ovary needs to get over themselves. I could repopulate an entire planet before lunch.

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Maria Menounous Was Sexually Assaulted By Her Doctor



Why you gotta be so uptight, baby? Dayuum, gurl. Radar Online reports:

Extra host Maria Menounos dropped a bombshell confession on the Howard Stern Show on Monday morning when she told the shock jock that she had been sexually assaulted by her doctor during a medical examination. “I was really young, so I was so uncomfortable… (My boyfriend) Kevin was in the waiting room and I literally started screaming,” recalled Maria, as she told the America’s Got Talent judge how she had gone in to be treated for a throat problem and was devastated when the doctor began touching her genitals. “I was just so uncomfortable I didn’t know what to do.”

No to diminish this story and her painful memory in any way, but if I was in a room with Maria Menounous and anesthesia, I would have saved her from all that unnecessary crying and screaming. Because I’m a gentleman, you see.

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Sup, Maria Menounos?



Maria Menounos has been in a bikini for the past two months, so what better way for someone to make her pay for losing a bet that the Patriots lost by wearing a New York Giants bikini. I still really have no idea what Maria Menounos does exactly, but I know she doesn’t write songs about guys breaking up with her and how better off she’ll be like Kelly Clarkson and Adele. But she does look fantastic in a bikini. Hmmm, if there was just some way to find the correlation between those last two sentences. I guess that will just forever remain a mystery, my friends.

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Maria Menounous Wanted To/Did Bang Tim Tebow



Seen above being possessed by Satan because she’s a heathen with a weak mental fortitude ill-prepared for the Devil’s tricks, Maria Menounous‘ vagina was reportedly roaming Indianapolis like a roaring lion this weekend seeking to devour Tim Tebow‘s holy pro-life penis. Page Six reports:
Tim Tebow was the center of attention for all the women at ESPN the Magazine’s Next party in Indianapolis on Friday night. Hordes of cocktail-dress-clad ladies surrounded the Denver Bronco quarterback, angling for a personal kneeling session. But it was “Extra” host Maria Menounos who seemed to command his attention. While Tebow politely chatted with many of the girls, one source told us that “he only seemed to have eyes” for brunette beauty Menounos, who was spotted “chatting to Tebow for over an hour. It looked quite flirtatious. They were taking pictures Tebowing together.” The two, along with a big group of friends, were the last to leave well after 2 a.m.

Man, that seems pretty sexy. They left “well after 2 a.m.”? So that means they finished reading scripture and making the s’mores at like what? 5?

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