Jennifer Lopez Makes Her Kids Call Her Boyfriend “Daddy”

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This is how Lifetime movies get made. Bossip reports:

While staying with their famous father recently, Marc and Jennifer’s 3-year-old twins, Emme and Max, referred to J.Lo’s 24- year-old backup dancer beau, Casper Smart, as “Daddy Casper,” say sources. An enraged Marc immediately called Jennifer and blasted her, telling her that if she didn’t fix the situation pronto, he was going to let the kids call HIS new girlfriend, 24-year-old Venezuelan model Shannon De Lima, “Mommy Shannon”! “Marc couldn’t believe his ears when he heard Emme and Max utter the words ‘Daddy Casper’ during a recent visit,” revealed an insider. “He thinks Casper is nothing more than a young fling to make Jennifer feel better about herself after the divorce. “Marc mockingly told Jennifer that if Casper wants to be called ‘Daddy,’ he needs to start acting like it and pay some of their children’s expenses instead of just sponging off of her! “Jennifer freaked out and told Marc he was childish, but she promised to correct the situation.”

Poor Max and Emme. Because of their bitch mom, they have no idea who their father is. Is it the wigger one? Is it the dead one? They don’t know. Hopefully they’ll find a dragon scale in their bedroom then wish with all their heart so they can escape all this and fly with dragons in a land apart. Come along, take my hand. Let’s all go to Dragon Land.

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Marc Anthony Is Up In This Now

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UPGRADE. Radar Online reports:

Marc Anthony is taking a page right out of his soon-to-be-ex-wife’s book, hooking up with a 24-year-old hottie, and RadarOnline.com has the photo of him with his gorgeous new girl. Jennifer Lopez’s ex posted a picture of him kissing sexy Venezuelan model Shannon de Lima on his Facebook page, and the two have been Tweeting up a love storm to each other. Marc wrote in Spanish to Shannon “To my @Shadelima my statue of liberty. Kisses, baby.”

Marc Anthony looks like the mummified corpse of Marc Anthony, but he’s a rich, famous, salsa singer or something who has a line of velvet blazers at Kohl’s, so he gets to bang 24-year old Venezuelan model pussy. While that 24-year old Mexican dancer dude named Casper is banging Marc Anthony’s 42-year old leftovers whose panties get wet for Fiat unless she actually has to drive one in the Bronx. What a touching love story all this turned out to be.

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Jennifer Lopez Had A Breakdown Onstage



Jennifer Lopez broke down crying onstage this weekend. Radar Online reports:
Jennifer Lopez let her emotions and her tears flow while singing about love Saturday night. During her headlining performance at the Mohegan Sun Arena’s 15th anniversary celebration, she broke down in tears and ran offstage sobbing. After an acoustic performance of If You Had My Love, Jennifer addressed the audience, telling the packed house it was “the first song I wrote about love.” Visibly distressed, she then added, “what is love? As the last song I wrote about love…a lot has changed since then.” As she sang, pairs of dancers appeared in spotlights around her. One couple had a P. Diddy look-alike with the female dancer wearing a copy of her infamous slit-down-to-the navel Versace gown. Another had the male dancer mimicking Cris Judd with the girl in jeans and a T-shirt, while another pair had the girl wearing a seafoam green gown on the arm of a Ben Affleck double. Most telling was the dancing couple who recreated Lopez and Marc Anthony during their sizzling American Idol performance last May, just weeks before they announced their split. “At the end of the song she started sobbing and had to take a few moments to keep it together,” an onlooker told RadarOnline.com exclusively. “She held it together for one song but then ran offstage crying. “She only sang a few more songs and she was obviously out of it. Everyone was so sad for her. It was really dramatic.”

Maybe she’s upset because they left her first husband (you know, the waiter with the sex tape and dreams of Playgirl?) and the rapistguy she cheated on Marc Anthony with out. Who cares? Jennifer Lopez has no discernible talent save for a huge ass. The only people who should be crying in this story are the ones who had to hear her sing live.

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Hey, Look. We’re Totally Bros, You Guys

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In the wake of their separation rumors due to the fact that Jada Pinkett Smith may or may not have banged Marc Anthony in Will Smith’s house, Marc Anthony invited Will Smith to his luxury suite during the Patriots/Dolphins game last night to help celebrate his birthday. Where they hugged a lot and Will Smith gently caressed Marc Anthony’s neck a lot. I don’t know. I’m beginning to think some of the facts of this whole separation story might be wrong.

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Marc Anthony Isn’t An Infidel

You don’t say. Radar Online reports:

Marc Anthony, in his first interview since splitting with Jennifer Lopez earlier this summer, laughed off a series of tabloid rumors implying he slept around on his beautiful ex. “It was a flight attendant, it was the pilot — I heard it was this guy sitting next to me in a rehab in Houston. I’ve heard it all,” Anthony joked to ABC’s John Quinones about the myriad of rumors that have cropped up, attempting to explain why the celebrity marriage didn’t last. “People are trying to peg it on things because it was so shocking. “It was like, it must have been something,” Anthony, 42, said in a preview of Thursday’s Nightline interview that aired on Good Morning America. “It wasn’t something sensationalistic.” The I Need To Know singer told Quinones that the split was relatively drama-free, as both he and J.Lo knew it just wasn’t meant-to-be. “It was a realization on both our parts,” he said. “It wasn’t shocking. These things happen. It’s a decision that we made jointly. And that’s how I’ll answer that.”

(more…)

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Jennifer Lopez Is Already Giving Interviews About Her Divorce

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Since they told her she would be on the cover of a magazine, Jennifer Lopez agreed to do an interview with Vanity Fair to talk about her divorce from Marc Anthony. However, she didn’t mention that her marriage ended because she fucked the guy from her video. Man, that’s so weird she didn’t mention that!

“That was my biggest dream, and I really worked hard at it. We both did,” Jennifer Lopez tells Vanity Fair in her first interview since announcing that she and Marc Anthony are divorcing. “Sometimes it doesn’t work—and that’s sad. But I remain an eternal optimist about love. I believe in love,” Lopez says. “It’s still my biggest dream. I am positive—determined to move forward with my life, bring up my babies, and do the best job I can as a mother, entertainer, and person. I now look forward to new challenges. I feel strong. I’m a hopeless romantic and passionate person when it comes to love,” Lopez explains, describing the passage that has brought her to her current state of mind. “It’s not that I didn’t love myself before. Sometimes we don’t realize that we are compromising ourselves. To understand that a person is not good for you, or that that person is not treating you in the right way, or that he is not doing the right thing for himself—if I stay, then I am not doing the right thing for me. I love myself enough to walk away from that now.” “I will always respect Marc as a singer and performer,” Lopez tells Vanity Fair. “We actually work great together, and he was always very supportive. Together we could make magic—and we did. He will always be in our lives. He will always hold a special place in my heart as the father of my children.”

Oh, good. Because I’ve been up nights wondering if Jennifer Lopez loved herself. She always lives her life with such quiet, humble dignity, so it would be a shame if she suffered a severe bout of depression and decided to kill herself. By hanging herself. Or maybe hooking up a garden hose to her exhaust. Or stepping in front of a subway. Or setting off fireworks behind a bear. Sorry. I’m just throwing out ideas in case she hasn’t thought of them yet. The bear one is my favorite, though.

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William Levy Is The Cuban Joe Francis

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People want to call Jennifer Lopez a whore for throwing away her marriage for a guy who was in her video. But in Lopez’s defense, all ladies melt when a guy tells them about the time they forced a minor to blow them in a hotel room so he could give her an STD when he shot in her mouth while he was strangling her. What lady could resist? Radar Online reports:

The hot Latin soap hunk, William Levy, who was featured in Jennifer Lopez’s steamy music video, I’m Into You is being sued for sexual battery, battery committed by offensive touching, and false imprisonment, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting. The court documents state that on July 19, 2010: “Through deception and trickery Levy, with the aid of several members of his entrourage, lured Plaintiff back to the Hilton Hotel in Glendale. Plaintiff, who was infatuated with Levy – a rising star of international renown for his work on Spanish language telenovelas – wanted his autograph. During the course of their conversation at a Hilton restaurant, Levy invited Plaintiff to a private room for discussion. Defendant then maneuvered himself so that Plaintiff could not walk in any direction without passing Defendant.” The alleged victim, is a minor, and RadarOnline.com is withholding her name. The complaint goes on to state that Levy “forced Plaintiff to perform [sex act] on him, strangling her in the process. He e****lated in her mouth, on her person, through which he transmitted a sexual disease to plaintiff. Plaintiff was subsequently taken to urgent care at Concentra Medical Center by a friend.”

So, there’s a 50/50 chance that Jennifer Lopez has an STD. That’s probably the best thing about this story. But I feel I should take this time to warn other ladies who might be reading this. So, if you don’t like being mouth raped and awkwardly calling in a prescription, I might take this guy’s poster off your wall.

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Jennifer Lopez Cheated On Marc Anthony With This Guy

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You already know that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony split up, because Lopez couldn’t let the weekend go by without being the complete center of attention (she probably tried to get the US/Japan soccer game rescheduled), but her marriage is allegedly over because she was banging the co-star of her music video, “I’m Into You”, William Levy. During the video, Lopez and Levy fornicate on screen. After the video, Levy separated from his wife of 8 years and Lopez ended her marriage with Marc Anthony. Hmmm, I wonder if those two things are related somehow? Yes. Yes, they are. HollywoodLife reports:

Jen seemed enamored with William when they he starred with her in the “I’m Into You” music video, could they have become more than friends? Jennifer Lopez‘s split from Marc Anthony came as a shock to many, and it seems like it may be former costar William Levy who Jennifer is now seeking solace with. William, 30, could not help but gush about working with Jennifer and left his wife of eight years in May. Interesting. Furthermore, there are rumors that William’s infidelity led to his split from his wife, actress Elizabeth Gutiérrez.

Wow. For an unsubstantiated rumor, Levy’s rep sure is denied this really fast. Which of course means it’s totally and completely true. TMZ reports:

The guy at the center of the affair rumors is telenovela star William Levy — aka the Cuban Brad Pitt — who recently separated from his wife AFTER shooting the music video with Lopez. But Levy’s rep tells TMZ William and J.Lo are NOT an item … saying, “The only relationship there was or is, is a professional relationship. That’s all there’s ever been.” J.Lo and her husband Marc Anthony released a statement on Friday saying they are ending their marriage.

It’s really no secret that Jennifer Lopez is a megalomaniac despite having only a fat ass and no discernible talent. And it’s also no secret that Marc Anthony died in 1999 and was brought back to life by a Mexican ritual involving the blood of two blonde children. And possibly a goat. He also allowed his daughter to get kidnapped in Man on Fire. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m having a hard time giving a fuck about this story.

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Jennifer Lopez May Want To Rethink This

After American Idol yanked her back into the limelight, Jennifer Lopez wants to leave. Popeater reports:

‘American Idol’ judge Jennifer Lopez is reportedly shopping around her own reality singing competition show, further fueling the rumors of her departure from the ‘Idol’ judges panel after just one season on the hit show.

Tentatively titled ‘Que Viva,’ Jennifer’s show would feature herself and hubby Marc Anthony talent scouting Latin American countries for future stars. The Puerto Rican couple are teaming up with ‘Idol’ creator and executive producer Simon Fuller to make the project happen. Apparently the show has been in the works for some time now.

What an awesome idea! Leave behind the very reason you’re still relevant. On that note, I’m going to book a breast reduction now. I’m in it to win it!

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Crouching Links, Not-So-Hidden PDA
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Zhang Ziyi‘s boyfriend is ready to feel her up just about anywhere. And who can blame him? [Egotastic]

J.Lo and Marc Anthony are so outwardly affectionate, you might think they were married once. Wait. Still? [Seriously?OMG!WTF?]

Katie Holmes has only spent $14 million of Tom Cruise‘s money since moving to NYC. Probably like $1 million on food and $13 million in thetan removal. [DListed]

Brad Pitt want to share the secret of a good nappy-change. And, yes, he’s talking about pooping babies. Which is joining his current lip-caterpillar in the “no good” column. [I’m Not Obsessed]

The Fresno Bee stole our Caption This picture, but failed to find a good caption. [BestWeekEver]

Madonna‘s daughter Lourdes Maria Ciccone Leon wants to act! Step one: wax eyebrows. [Celebitchy]

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