Maggie Gyllenhaal Got Married

Admiral AckbarMaggie Gyllenhaal, 31, married her longtime boyfriend, actor Peter Sarsgaard, 38, in Italy this weekend. The couple have dated for four years and are parents to a two year old daughter. People reports:

“We are happy to confirm that Maggie and Peter were married on Saturday, May 2,” the actress’s rep said in a statement to PEOPLE. The celebration took place in a small chapel in Brindisi, according to European news reports. Among the guests were Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon.

Before you start, yes, I’ve seen Secretary. That really doesn’t change the fact that Maggie Gyllenhaal looks like some undiscovered sea creature. Seriously, what’s up with her eyes? The chick who got her face melted in Hostel didn’t have eyes that looked like this. Damn, this bitch must have panoramic peripheral vision. Instead of acting she should be an NFL quarterback or a Native American scout.

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Maggie Gyllinkhaal
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Maggie Gyllenhag and Peter Sarsgaard are hairy and hairier [Dlisted]
Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr are engaged [Hollywood Rag]
Fergie cleans up her cleavage [Hollywood Tuna]
Rihanna and Chris play Little Red Riding Hood [Popsugar]
Jessica Alba naked or faked [City Rag]
Blake Lively no legs [Lainey Gossip]
Amanda Bynes panty upskirt (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Nicole Kidman sure looks different [Popoholic]
Mickey Rourke doesn’t like gay people (NSFW site) [Drunken Stepfather]
Nicole Kidman shows off her baby on Oprah [Just Jared]
Olga Kurylenko does Maxim [Egotastic]
La Toya Jackson has a new gig [Socialite Life]
Oldboy and a Funeral (Remake Hell) [Pajiba]

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Maggie Gyllenhaal is a Lesbian

In a short film made to support the ongoing Writer’s Guild Association’s strike, Maggie Gyllenhall has a “lesbian orgy” with three other women. Well, ok then. The Sun reports:

In the clip, the Secretary star turns up to a hotel room to meet a man only to find two other beauties waiting to see the SAME fella. The man called AMPiTePa – short for Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers – has stood them all up. After a spell period of frustration, Maggie takes a swig from her glass of wine and says: “We don’t need him. We’ve got everything we need right here. “Girls – you want to make an interim agreement?” The other ladies join her on the bed, but, as things start to get interesting, the lights fade and the film ends with a sexy pizza delivery girl entering the bedroom.”

Don’t get me wrong, I fully support the writers’ strike, but how is Maggie Gyllenhaal in a pretend threesome gonna help me double my residual rate on DVD sales? It would probably help if Maggie Gyllenhaal was hot. In fact, it would help a great deal. When you normally see a face like hers it’s usually been summoned by an evil warlock sorcerer to impede a hero on his epic quest. I’m failing to see how that is supposed to turn me on.

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Maggie Gyllenhaal Was a Bad Idea

The last time I checked, lingerie was supposed to be sexy, so I’m a little unclear why someone decided Maggie Gyllenhaal would make a good face for Agent Provocateur. She wouldn’t make a good face for Eukanuba. I’m not saying she’s ugly, but she looks like Admiral Ackbar. I have no idea what to do with these pictures. I mean, should I be turned on, or taking notes about design flaws of the Death Star?

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