Macaulay Culkin Is Moving Along

Taking a cue from Charlie Sheen, Macaulay Culkin is coming to terms with his break up by keeping a journal and focusing on bettering himself. And by banging porn stars. From E! Online:

After his split with longterm girlfriend Mila Kunis, Home Alone star Macaulay Culkin was spotted hanging with a Spanish porn star at Bagad, a live sex club in Barcelona.

Now, Irene Lopez (pictured above) is speaking exclusively to E! about Macaulay and his ex Mila…

She told E! that this isn’t the first time they’ve spent quality time together, just the first time the media caught on.

“The last time I was with him, no one found out about it,” Irene tells E! exclusively, “I don’t know what happened this time that the newspaper heard about it.”

The Spanish porn star, who’s worked at the sex club for nine months, is also concerned about his split with Mila, saying: “If there is a possibility that he goes back with Mila, I don’t want to be an obstacle. The breakup is really fresh.”

And while she won’t share too many details on what exactly happened between her and Macaulay, she tells E! “I don’t want to cause him any harm. He’s a good person.”

A source wouldn’t comment on whether Culkin is dating Lopez or whether he participated in any of the shows, telling E!: “What happens in Bagdad, stays in Bagdad.”

Fair enough, but what exactly happens in a sex club named after the capital of Iraq? Do they have insurgents stone the strippers? All I can picture are rubble, car bombs, and burning wells of massage oil. I can also picture Macaulay Culkin’s penis feeling like this when he pees now.

Good luck moving up from this, kid.

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Well This Is Creepy

Reports are all over the place today that Macaulay Culkin, yes Macaulay Culkin, is the biological father of Prince Michael II. But you may now him by his even gayer name – Blanket. The Sun reports:

One source said: “It is well known Jackson and Macaulay shared a unique bond. “Now rumours are spreading like wildfire that Macaulay, who Jackson nicknamed Mack, is actually Blanket’s biological dad.” Fevered speculation gripped the US after repeated claims that a “well-known Hollywood actor” donated the sperm for Blanket. Now sources close to Jackson say the Thriller star asked Culkin for the donation to help him complete his “perfect” family. The source added: “This isn’t just chitter-chatter, even Culkin suspects he’s Blanket’s father.” So many names have been mentioned as prospective dads, and this is probably the wackiest yet. “But Jackson and Culkin were best friends. He was one of the few people Jackson really trusted and Mack never let him down. “Really, Jackson idolised him – that’s why he asked Mack to donate sperm. “Deep down, I think he always wished Mack was his son. Creating Blanket was the next best thing.”

I don’t know, this kid kinda looks like Mowgli, so I’d really like to see the mother. Because as insane as every Michael Jackson story is, there’s a chance that she might be an actual human, but there’s a good chance that it was something Michael Jackson summoned from blood and clay while wearing a bull head mask and sacrificing a baby goat.

Elisha Cuthbert and Culkin’s girlfriend in Maxim:

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