Britney Spears is a Whore From Way Back

Most tell-all books suck, because they really aren’t “tell-all” books. But thanks to Lynne Spears, that has all changed. How so? The Sun reports:

Troubled Britney Spears began boozing aged 13, lost her virginity at 14, then started taking drugs at 15, according to a shocking tell-all book by her mum. Wild child Britney allegedly first hit the bottle after joining Disney’s squeaky-clean Mickey Mouse Club…Lynne claims 14-year-old Britney then had sex with an 18-year-old high school footballer soon after she quit the TV show. And she had her first taste of drugs at 15 when she went to Los Angeles to record her debut album Baby One More Time. As Britney later pursued her pop career, Lynne let her 16-year-old daughter sleep with teen sweetheart Justin Timberlake, despite claiming she was a virgin. A source said: “Lynne thought Britney was in love and Justin was good for her.” Lynne’s book reportedly tells of her horror when Britney, still just 16, was caught with cocaine and cannabis on a private jet.”

I know Britney Spears’ fans are still hanging on to the life raft that it was Kevin Federline who turned their sweet, bubblegum cock-tease into raving lunatic narcissist hillbilly nympho, but looks it like it’s bad news I’m afraid. Just like my last paternity test. Scandalous bitch.

Sorry, but this video never gets old:

Britney and her entourage in Las Vegas last weekend:

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Lynne Spears Killed a Kid

In an exclusive story, National Enquirer has revealed that Lynne Spears, mother of Britney and Jamie Lynn, killed a 12 year old boy in 1975 when she ran over him with her car. The boy, who was riding a bicycle, died instantly. Todd, who was typing on his keyboard, made a frowny face.

A source told the publication, “To this day, Lynne hasn’t gotten over what she did. She gets that terrified look in her eye when she is thinking about it. “She has told only a few people about the accident and always says, ‘Please don’t think I’m a bad person.'” Lynne was 20 when the tragedy occurred in her hometown of Kentwood, La., during the same year she married Jamie Spears. When the accident happened, Lynne was driving Britney’s brother to the hospital after he’d suffered an injury. “It bothers Lynne still to this day,” said a representative for Lynne Spears. “She really doesn’t like to talk about it. She just wanted to forget that it ever happened – but she can’t.”

That’s a coincidence, because you know what I want to forget ever happened? Slap bracelets.

Britney and Lynne out shopping earlier this month:

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