Britney’s Parents Are Back Together

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This really isn’t good for business. Why do people have to be so selfish?! Us Magazine reports:

Things are anything but toxic between Britney Spears’ divorced mom and dad. Eight years after their bitter split, Lynne and Jamie Spears are now back together, a source close to the couple confirms to first reported the reconciliation, noting the duo have been reconciled since last summer and were spotted being openly affectionate Saturday at L.A. club Boudoir. Lynne, now 55, wed Jamie, now 58, in 1975, and they have three kids together: son Bryan, 33, and daughters Britney, 28 and Jamie Lynn, 19. They’re also grandparents to Britney’s two sons (Sean, 5, and Jayden, 4) and Jamie-Lynn’s daughter Maddie, 2. Why the rekindled romance? “There is still love there,” another insider explains to Us. “It happened slowly, but they’ve been through so much.” Their most famous daughter Britney famously suffered emotional breakdowns in 2007 and 2008, but has since recovered. Her father is still her legal conservator. “It makes sense to get back together,” the insider says of the reunited couple. “That bond is strong now.”

If you had a choice between The Spears’ and a reanimated Michael Jackson to raise some kids, I could see how you might take pause. Because one daughter got knocked up at 15 and the other is an unhinged sociopath who needs court-ordered supervision to go to Starbucks. Unless these two getting back together means they want a tax deduction on their new brick underpinning, I really don’t see what good this is gonna do.

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Jamie Lynn Spears is Scared

Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant but apparently she was under the impression that she would get fat for a while then doctor would walk her down to the river where her new baby would be wrapped in blankets and floating in a basket. She doesn’t seem to like the alternative. Star Magazine says:

A source tells Star that when the Spears family matriarch showed her seven-months-pregnant 17-year-old daughter a video of a real natural childbirth, Jamie Lynn threw up! “Lynne was trying to be helpful,” a source tells Star. “She wanted to show Jamie Lynn what a woman goes through giving birth, that it’s a natural and beautiful thing, but all Jamie Lynn saw was the blood – or ‘goop,’ as she called it – the screaming and the pain. It was too graphic for her. She flipped out and literally got sick.” Now Jamie Lynn is totally freaked out. “She is wondering if a C-section is possible,” the source adds. “She wants to be knocked out and then wake up when it’s all over.”

Well, it’s a good thing Jamie Lynn thought this whole pregnancy through. Now instead of putting puffy unicorn stickers on her IPod or cutting out pictures of The Jonas Brothers this summer, she’ll be in screaming, agonizing pain in a few months. Nice job, you fucking moron. There’s a reason 16 year old girls shouldn’t get pregnant. And please don’t tell me that all babies are miracles from God. A miracle from God is when a butterfly lands on a retarded kid’s arm or when the cops don’t find the hooker you buried, not when a drunk hillbilly forgets to pull out.

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Dina Lohan Should Have Let Lindsay Die

If you’re as giddy as we are that Tracey Ullman is back on television, then you’ll probably like this clip where she absolutely owns Dina Lohan. That is of course, unless you like Dina Lohan. Huh, is that it? You like Dina Lohan? Frankly, I don’t think I know you anymore.

Lindsay Lohan buying two packs of cigarettes and a Red Bull this weekend:

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All The Spears Are Whores

Jamie Spears, the father of Britney and Jamie Lynn, is reportedly furious with his ex-wife Lynn and his underage daughter for selling Jamie Lynn’s pregnancy story to OK! magazine. Whoa, really? I can’t imagine why. Us Magazine reports:

Jamie Lynn and Lynne broke the news to OK! – infamous for multi-million dollar payouts to celebrities – for an unspecified amount. “He put his foot down and refused to take any money and ‘profit off of his children,'” the source says. “Lynne didn’t care.” Jamie is “devastated” by the news, says the source. He’s “extremely depressed” and “feels Jamie Lynn ruined her life.”

Lynn Spears sounds like a real smart lady. What better way to teach your kid that underage pregnancy is wrong than cashing a million dollar check? I can’t think of any. I don’t want to get ahead of myself here, but if Lynn Spears has another kid, I’m thinking Congressman or world-renowned brain surgeon. With her awesome parenting skills, the sky’s the limit!

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