Lourdes Leon Seems Cool


Madonna’s daughter, Lourdes Leon (*checks Google for age*) is in the south of France right now where she’s enjoying the beach and weed. So to recap: Lourdes Leon has a big rack, will be 18 in two months, smokes weed, and has a billionaire mother who is rapidly approaching death. Is there some kind of waiting list? Do I have to take a number or nah?

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Madonna Is A Great Mom

I…I…fuck it.
The Daily Mail

Trussed up in white wedding dress and veil, Madonna’s daughter Lourdes recreates her mother’s famous wedding dress pose in the Eighties hit song Like A Virgin. The 12-year-old wears lashings of red lipstick and has the iconic beauty spot painted above her lip.

In case you missed that, Lourdes is FUCKING TWELVE and got tarted up like her mom was when she sang that song about getting banged by a dude with a huge dong that made her think she was a virgin again. Maybe for Field Day she can dress like Lara Croft or come to school in hot pants and roller skates and sucking on an oversized lollipop. You know, to fully drive the point home that Madonna is a psycho.

(btw, if you’re thinking about getting Lourdes a Christmas gift, Madonna probably wouldn’t mind you helping her scratching this off her list)

Lourdes with her mom on tour. Because really, who needs school or friends?

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Madonna is Jealous of Lourdes

It’s no secret that Madonna is a delusional, self- important bitch who truly believes the world revolves around her. She will do anything to make sure that she controls everything and everyone who happens to be part of her life. So, it’s really no surprise now that her canyon sized insecurities have finally unleashed her narcissistic rage on her 12-year daughter, Lourdes. OK! Magazine reports:

“I think Madonna can’t stand that Lourdes is growing into a beautiful teen,” a source tells OK! of the 50-year-old singer. “She seems envious of her youth and looks. She knows Lourdes is going to be gorgeous and will get the attention of the opposite sex. Knowing Madonna’s taste for younger guys, it’s a matter of course that they’ll be dating men the same age. It’s disturbing.”(*) Not surprisingly, the superstar is desperately trying to keep her daughter in a permanent state of girlhood. Last year, the beauty team on Madonna’s Sticky & Sweet Tour had strict orders not to touch Lourdes’s bushy eyebrows.

I wish whoever provided this quote would take a poll of the average man, because I assure you, this isn’t going to be a big deal. Seriously. It’s not. Mostly because Madonna looks like something that got resurrected after some teenagers in a remote cabin read passages from an ancient book, and every time I see Lourdes, I’m almost positive that she’s about to turn into a werewolf. I have no idea how many “younger guys” are gonna be lining up to hit these two, but if they do, I can only expect that they melted some silver first.

(*) That might be the creepiest thing you hear all day.

Photo credit: Splash

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