Lorde Called Taylor Swift An ‘Autoimmune Disease’, People Got Mad
Lorde Called Taylor Swift An ‘Autoimmune Disease’, People Got Mad

 

The Guardian dropped an interview with Lorde on Saturday, and since she said a lot of words, the probability was high that some of those words would offend someone somewhere. Here are those words:

Speaking on the difficulty of maintaining a close friendship with someone as famous as Swift, 27, Lorde told The Guardian, “It’s like having a friend with very specific allergies. There are certain places you can’t go together. Certain things you can’t do.” “There are these different sets of considerations within the friendship,” Lorde continued. “It’s like having a friend with an autoimmune disease.”

What do you think happened next? You better sit down for this!

Lorde has come under fire after comparing her friend Taylor Swift to an “autoimmune disease” in an interview with The Guardian on Saturday.

Man, I can barely even believe it! She also had to apologize to a complete stranger.

After the apology, this Stephanie Marie chick kept going on and on about this shit until something else shiny and offensive happened and she could unleash her righteous indignation for retweets (Twitter is fun!). I honestly don’t understand why celebrities even bother speaking anymore.

 

 

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Taylor Swift Threw Lorde A Birthday Party

A photo posted by Lorde (@lordemusic) on

 

Hey, remember Lorde? She’s that chick that had that one song that one time. She’s also in Taylor Swift‘s cultsquad. Apparently she turned 20 despite looking 45. Here’s some pics from Instagram. before you ask,  Aziz Ansari was the only brown person in attendance. Gotta keep things diverse and such.
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Taylor Swift And Lorde Being Basic

White girls love some hiking in non-hiking gear, so Taylor Swift and Lorde went hiking yesterday. Probably on their way to Anthropologie or a Coffee Bean. Taylor Swift’s legs are about 75% smaller than Lorde’s, so maybe Lorde should speed walk. I never really knew Lorde’s legs were this big, so I think that’s why she always wears black and seems sad all the time. It could also be because she’s associated with The Hunger Games.

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Diplo Seems Pretty Mature
Diplo Seems Pretty Mature

 

Since Katy Perry‘s tits have infected his brain, Diplo started some shit with her sworn enemy, Taylor Swift, over Twitter then got smacked down by Lorde. That really should have been the end of it, but I guess Katy Perry told him he had to keep it going if he wanted to titty fuck her again, so her posted this pic on Instagram with the caption MY DICK GETS MORE HITS THEN TAYLOR SWIFT. All these chicks in this picture look like they were freed from a cargo tanker by the Coast Guard, yet he wants to make fun of Taylor Swift’s ass. I don’t know, it looks pretty lickable to me. I guess it’s just kinda hard to figure out who the girl is in this whole scenario.

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Lorde Says Katy Perry’s Boyfriend Has A Small Penis

Diplo (real name Thomas Pentz) is an American DJ and rapper, so off top you pretty much know he’s a douche. So, of course, that means Katy Perry will let him get his penis near her vagina that abandoned Christ and his teachings. Katy Perry also hates Taylor Swift, so what better way to plant a shade tree than to tell Diplo to make fun of the chick who sold 1.5M albums in it’s first week while your album sold 51,000 when it came out? Unfortunately for Diplo, Lorde saw it.

 

I guess you can’t blame Diplo for trying to keep his tiny penis in between Katy Perry’s rack at all costs, but maybe he should have used his million Twitter followers to support a better cause: fixing Katy Perry’s eye that looks like it’s floating in water. She probably uses a lot of sunscreen, because people would mistake her Forest Whitaker. Eye up here, Katy.

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Lorde Was Kurt Cobain Yesterday

 

Nirvana was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame yesterday in their first year of eligibilty, and since Kurt Cobain is, well, dead, they needed somebody to sing. So, they asked Lorde. Now, let me preface this by saying I love Lorde and that her album is fantastic, but not sure I'm feelin Kurt Cobain as a teenager girl in a peach pantsuit. But I guess its not like she could've said no and she didn't necessarily suck, so I really know how I feel now. Maybe I should have thought this post through a little more. Whatever. It's Friday. Back up off me.

 

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Lorde Is Awesome
Lorde Is Awesome

 

Even though she looks like an extra in a Tim Burton movie, I really have no shame is saying I love Lorde and everything about her. Her album is fantastic and she just seems like somebody reincarnated into a 17-year chick from New Zealand. And if you disagree with me, well then, you're just a big meanie pants and we can't be friends. But more to the point, Lorde and Taylor Swift have been hanging out a lot, so naturally KIIS FM's "shock jock" Kyle Sandilands asked her if the two were lesbians because apparently he's in the 5th grade. Lorde was having none of it. Daily Mail reports:

He asked the singer: ‘I see you guys’ pictures everywhere are you guys together now? ‘Not together as in lesbians, I’m not talking about “Ellen together” I’m talking about, like you guys are friendly right?’ Lorde was quick to fire back at Kyle, and retaliated, saying:  ‘What do you mean you’re not talking about “Ellen together”, is there something wrong with lesbians?’ Sandilands responded: ‘Oh my god no, I would love that! Are you going to confirm now you’re in a lesbian relationship with her?’ But the Grammy winner wouldn’t take the bait, and refusing to be tricked into starting a rumour, told Kyle: ‘Don’t even try it.’

I mean, I've said a lot of dumb shit before, and I'll probably say a lot more dumb shit before it's all over with, but I don't think I've ever went up to a 17-year old girl and subtly suggested that she and her friend were scissoring each other. I'd say it to her  22-year old sister maybe. But never the 17-year old.

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There Are Lorde Birthers Now

Much like the conspiracy theorists who believed Obama wasn't an American because he has a job and works out, people are now convinced that a 16-year old couldn't have made such and amazing album like Pure Heroine. Of course, like many conspiracy theorists, these people are dumb. It's even gotten to the point that her birth certificate is now online. So let's go ahead and clear this up now: She's 17. Lorde is 17. Next year she'll be 18. Not Courtney Stodden 18, but actually 18. Sometimes people are just old souls and are inherently more talented than you. That doesn't mean there's some vast coverup going on to sell records. That only applies to Katy Perry who must listen to "Glory and Gore" then want to burn every copy of "Roar" and start over. But Todd, "Royals" sucks! No, you've just heard it a billion times. And it's the worst song on the album, so that's why it was big hit America. Christ. You people.

 

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Lorde Continues To Apply Shade To Miley Cyrus
Lorde Continues To Apply Shade To Miley Cyrus

 

At this point, Lorde should just burn a Miley Cyrus doll on stage and get it over with. HollywoodLife reports:

While Lorde is a self-proclaimed Miley fan, she wasn’t necessarily in love with the twerk-happy Robin Thicke performance that captivated public interest in Sept 2013. When asked about the sexually exploitative nature of pop, she responded, “I’m a feminist, so certain things about music I find frustrating. I think pop is scarily powerful.” Sounds pretty harmless. But as she continued, it became clear that Lorde’s disdainful sentiments were directed towards the Robin/Miley duet which will live in infamy. “There are a lot of shock tactics these days,” she said. “People trying to outdo each other, which will probably culminate in two people f***ing on stage at the Grammys. I try to keep my blinkers on and focus on making music.”

If I never hear "Royals" again, I'll be perfectly fine with that, but I'm not gonna lie to you. Lorde's album is pretty dope. Much unlike Bangerz that sounds like a period set to music. It's all over the place. The last good album Miley made was probably on Flickr.

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