Why?
Why?

 

Look, I’m not saying Liv Tyler shouldn’t post pregnant pics on Instagram, but if Live Tyler could not post pregnant pics on Instagram that would be ideal. I’m happy that a human being is growing inside you, but  like, maybe wait until it comes out to show us. And like make sure you wipe it off and stuff before. And use a filter. But not Kelvin. Kelvin is dumb.

 

 CLEANSE YOUR EYES IN THE WATERS OF LAKE 90s:

 

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Liv Tyler’s Mom Has Advice For The Lohans

That advice is pretty much “Do the complete opposite of what you’re doing right now.” Radar Online reports:

“Dina Lohan’s relationship with her daughter Lindsay disturbs me,” Liv’s mom said… “But if my baby girl got that screwed up I would NOT allow to make her own decisions. I’m sorry! Anybody can think what they want. But I would abduct my child and I would make sure that I didn’t leave her side until she didn’t have those problems anymore. “But she also has to be responsible for her own actions. Her mother needs to start being a mother and not yes her to death. Bebe says she has a solution for Lindsay’s flailing career. “If Lindsay spent a year with me I could turn her around. I could have her winning her first Oscar in two years!” She also said that Lindsay needs to work on her appearance and put some weight on! “The first thing I would do is put 10 pounds on her. She needs a more kittenish quality. She’s looking too thin right now. That’s not a good look. And she also needs to go back to being a natural red head. The blonde hair doesn’t work. It ages her. She just needs the right people around her. She’s got it all man. She’s just around people who don’t get it.”

Bebe Buell presents some decent points, but Liv Tyler’s been nominated for more Razzies than Oscars, and it sounds like she wants Lindsay to transform into Christina Hendricks. Lindsay might have an easier time if Michael Lohan started a band and had her use the moves she learned in I Know Who Killed Me to regain her star power. Including the amputated leg.

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Steven Tyler Fell Down, Couldn’t Get Up



Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler was airlifted to a South Dakota hospital last night after he was dancing and fell off the stage. Also because he’s really old. AP reports:

Tyler, 61, fell while entertaining the crowd by dancing around after the sound system failed during the song “Love In an Elevator,” said Mike Sanborn, spokesman for the Buffalo Chip Campground, which hosted the outdoor concert. Tyler was on the stage’s catwalk when he fell backward onto a couple of fans in the middle of what was a record crowd, Sanborn said. Security rushed to help him and the crowd cheered when Tyler got back up. “He was good natured about it,” Sanborn said. “He was in good spirits when he got in the helicopter. He was talking and joking with the physician.” “It was an unfortunate end to an extraordinary evening.” Tyler suffered minor head and neck injuries and a shoulder injury, but it wasn’t immediately clear how serious that was, he said. Tyler was taken backstage and around 12:15 a.m., Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry came out to tell the audience Tyler was being taken to the hospital and that the show would not go on.

At this point, Steven Tyler needs to ask Bernice and Joy which power chair got them to the Grand Canyon. With a Hoveround, why, he’ll be free to see the world!

They see him rollin’, they hatin’

This was once in Steven Tyler’s balls. Think about that:

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Grandma Almost Nip-Slips Us

Goldie Hawn was out on the town in New York last night with Liv Tyler and (eventually) her daughter, Kate Hudson. The two attended a party held by celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe in New York City’s Grammercy Park Hotel. When Goldie was getting in her car after the evening was winding down, she almost blinded me by popping out of her dress, liver-spotted fun bags and all.

When I found these pictures this morning, I winced and moved a trash can closer to my desk in case I was about to be forced to star at old, Goldie Hawn nipple.

I’m sure the woman is fantastic, but if I wanted to see her naked, I would have killed Kurt Russel by now.

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Other Things That Distract Mickey Rourke? These Links

If the British will flash Mickey Rourke‘s damaged mug, I best buy a plane ticket. [BadAndUgly]

You know who was at The Reader premiere? Kate Winslet. Who is naked in it. [LaineyGossip]

Liv Tyler has nice legs. Face questionable, legs nice. Site NSFW [DrunkenStepfather]

Miranda Kerr‘s legs are almost the right size to reach underneath my fridge and get those cookies that fell behind it. If she can grab cookies with her toes, that is. [SocialiteLife]

Allure has hotness Isla Fisher on it’s pages. [Egotastic]

Michel Phelps takes a good bong pic, but who celeb pot smoking sometimes boils down to the classic apple, right Charlize? [CityRag]

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Edward Norton is Pouting



Being true to the threats he made while filming, Edward Norton is being a whiny little bitch and is refusing to participate in promoting The Incredible Hulk. Now without any other recourse, Marvel Studios is putting secret plot details and cameos in the trailers to get audiences to see the film. FOX News reports:

…Norton fell out with Marvel and Universal and declined to do much publicity. This left the bulk of it to co-star Liv Tyler. Interestingly, Norton is not signed to do the typical two sequels to this “Hulk,” although Tyler is and so, I’m told, is director Louis Leterrier. The reason for Norton holding out is likely a money issue….Universal is using Robert Downey Jr.’s surprise appearance in “Hulk” as Tony Stark aka Iron Man in their TV commercials. Downey’s presence was supposed to be a big twist at the end…But I guess that Marvel and Universal want to capitalize on “Iron Man”‘s huge box office.”

Not to get lost in all this is the fact that this is a movie about a man who turns into a ferocious green giant when he gets angry. Much unlike Edward Norton, who apparently turns into a three year old who dropped his ice cream cone.

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2008 MTV Movie Awards Were Last Night



At this point, it’s unclear why MTV is still even on the air. It sucks. If I wanted to not watch music videos because I wanted to see a bisexual Vietnamese tranny find love, I could just hang out at the train station. Except for on Sundays. That’s when my Train Station Bisexual Vietnamese Tranny Addicts Anonymous (TSBVTAA for short) group usually meets. Oh, and the MTV Movie Awards were lame and boring.

Anyway, here’s a bunch of pictures and a clip of Seth Rogen smoking weed on stage last night. Enjoy. Or don’t. Only you can make you happy:

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Liv Tyler is Single



Liv Tyler and her husband of five years, Spacehog frontman, Royston Langdon, have separated after five years of marriage. Star Magazine says:

Liv Tyler and Royston Langdon have confirmed their separation,” her rep said in a statement. “They remain good friends and devoted parents to their son Milo and are requesting that their family’s privacy be respected at this time.” In recent weeks Liv, who’s best known for playing Arwen in Lord of the Rings, has been seen out an about more often at various events — like the Metropolitan Museum Costume Gala — and she hasn’t been wearing her wedding ring.”

Liv Tyler was the instant erection in those Aerosmith videos, then she married this guy, and she came out at the other end looking a chick who serves my coffee at Barnes & Noble. Awesome. I don’t know why she insists on ruining our Hot Chicks From The ’90s week, but thanks a lot, Liv. I hope you’re happy. God, why do you have to ruin everything!!

Photos: Splash

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