Lindsay Was Fall Down Drunk At Coachella
Lindsay Was Fall Down Drunk At Coachella

 

I thought I was done with Coachella posts. Dammit, Lindsay. Get it together.

Oh no, it’s a case of history repeating itself as Lindsay Lohan’s been spotted drinking vodka at Coachella despite promises she’d stay sober. The fallen actress was spotted backstage at the festival with sister Ali, with an onlooker saying she was handed a vodka soda by a friend. "She looked completely out of it," the source told In Touch. "She couldn't stand up straight and she was frantically chain smoking cigarettes. In one of her hands she had a plastic cup with a clear liquid in it." All pretty worrying considering she’s only been out of rehab for seven months. It comes just a few weeks after Lindsay, 27, admitted she’d relapsed by drinking a glass of wine, saying visiting LA wasn’t good for her sobriety. Check out the video at the source.

There's really no way to tell if this story is fake or not, but it doesn't really matter, because this has been true enough times for me to automatically just starting nodding. Yep. Sounds true enough. I could read that Lindsay tried to suck off a potato farmer because she thought vodka would come out and, yep, just starting nodding to that one too.

 

 

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Lindsay Lohan Has Banged Everyone In Hollywood
Lindsay Lohan Has Banged Everyone In Hollywood

 

It's no secret that Lindsay Lohan's vagina is the Ellis Island of Hollywood as it takes all comers, but for some reason, Lindsay Lohan made a handwritten list of all the famous dudes she's banged. Actor Gary Oldman dramatically reenacts the scene here.

In Touch has exclusively obtained a shocking list, penned in Lindsay Lohan’s handwriting, exposing 36 of her famous lovers. Among the dozens of superstars named are Adam Levine, Zac Efron, Justin Timberlake and Joaquin Phoenix… The source also shares with In Touch that Lindsay would pause to think at times “as if she had to remind herself of who they were.” Also named on the list are Heath Ledger, Colin Farrell, Evan Peters and Wilmer Valderrama. Many of them never imagined Lindsay would kiss and tell, but she apparently did! “The list has some pretty big names on it, and they’re not all single guys,” an industry insider tells In Touch. “This getting out now could rock several Hollywood relationships to the core.”

I mean, I get it. Lindsay Lohan is the type of chick you bang once, because you know she'll be down for pretty much anything, so I really can't blame these dudes. The only downside to banging a chick who is down for anything is that there's a great possibility that she'll put your name on a list called "DUDES I BANGED" then sell it to InTouch.


 

 

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Lindsay Lohan Went To Sundance For The Most Lindsay Reason Ever

Even though her last movie, The Canyons, wasn't accepted into Sundance because it was a Lindsay Lohan movie, Lindsay Lohan help a private press conference to announce that…she was going to be in a new movie. That's it. That's all it was. She is at a film festival that she wasn't invited to so she can tell everybody that she's going to be in a movie that won't be at Sundance next year. The movie is called Invincible. Or Inconceivable. Yeah, I think its the last one. It just makes more sense.

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Lindsay Lohan Has A New Friend

Lost in the Golden Globes bukkake yesterday is that it appears Lindsay Lohan is in London right now with an unidentified male friend. And man, she looks really happy. Look how she's smiling in every picture. So either this guy purchased three PODS of cocaine recently or he just gave Lindsay a low interest payday loan. Hard to tell.

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A Bunch Of Naked Lindsay Lohan Pics Are About To Hit
A Bunch Of Naked Lindsay Lohan Pics Are About To Hit

 

Lindsay Lohan can only puts tracking devices on her cocaine and vodka, so naturally her computer was stolen at an airport. A computer with a lot of naked pictures and emails from famous people. This should be fun. TMZ reports:

Lindsay claims her computer was stolen at the airport in Shanghai, China, and she's offering a reward for its return.  In a move showing an utter lack of sophistication, Lindsay isn't specifying how much she'll give … she's saying, "Whatever it takes."  Translation:  A lot. Why, you ask, is she so freaked out?  We've learned she had a bunch of nude photos of herself.  She claims they're all from various photo shoots that were never supposed to be released.  Again, when an actress is asked to take her clothes off, usually no good comes from that. And there's more … We're told Lindsay claims she has "private correspondence" from a bunch of famous people, including Woody Allen and Lady Gaga, that she wants to keep under wraps.

I don't know how much money whoever stole the computer expect to make, because you can go to Google right now and type in "Lindsay Lohan naked" and you could study to be her gynocologist.

 
pic source = Instagram

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Lindsay Lohan Is Doing Perfectly Fine, Guys. Don’t Even Worry.

I know you guys are gonna find this hard to believe, but Lindsay Lohan is an insane sociopath and unrepentant drug addict with no perspective on herself who won't rest until she destroys herself and everyone around her. Happy Monday! Radar Online reports:

“Lindsay was a mess at every event at Art Basel,” a source who was with the post-rehab star at multiple events said about her behavior. “She was so careful never to be caught with a drink in her hand and no one saw her do any drugs.” However, the 27-year-old’s erratic behavior was noticeable by other attendees of the A-list events she attended. “Lindsay would be at a party in a VIP section with Kim Kardashian and Kanye West and she would start freaking out that people were taking pictures of her and make security throw people out. But the crazy thing was, NO ONE was taking pictures of HER, if anything it was of Kanye and Kim.” As Radar previously reported, Lindsay has set her sights on a guy almost a decade younger than she is, Morgan O’Connor, who was in a long term relationship with a girl who goes to school in Miami, and they had a few run-ins during the week. “Lindsay had a tantrum when she would see Morgan’s ex-girlfriend at events,” an eyewitness revealed. “She would throw her arms in the air, stomp her feet and fling her hair around. She was acting like she was 10 years old.” As for her relationship with the dreadlocks wearing Ralph Lauren model, the fight with Barron Hilton may have been the end of their romance. “Morgan wants nothing to do with her at all. He is telling people that he is nervous and freaking out that his career is going to be affected by all her crazy evilness. She’s obsessed with him. “He is telling his friends is NOT her boyfriend and doesn’t want to be with her.”

Man, that entire blockquote is such a Lindsay thing to do. I've never seen a 27-year old bitch cause so much drama before, but my dog doesn't turn 4 until 2016.

 

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Lindsay Lohan Is Totally Committed To Sobriety, You Guys
Lindsay Lohan Is Totally Committed To Sobriety, You Guys

 

Stop me if you've heard this one: Lindsay Lohan went to a party that had enough cocaine and weed to kill every person on Earth, but she "kept her nose clean the entire night". Hahahaha that one never gets old. TMZ reports:

Here they are … pics of the drug aftermath at Lindsay Lohan's mansion party in Miami … showing two burned out joints and something that appears to be the remnants of a baggie of cocaine. TMZ already reported there was coke and booze EVERYWHERE at the party before things got violent … and now, we've got pics of the mansion taken after everyone left the scene.  It's unclear who the drugs belonged to … but Lindsay's camp insists the actress kept her nose clean the entire night … and didn't booze either. Still, Lindsay knows … insane mansion parties in Miami aren't exactly bastions of sobriety …  and Lohan (who's still on probation) knows she shouldn't have put herself in that situation in the first place. In fact, we're told after the rager … and subsequent fight … we're told Lindsay scrambled to find a private jet to get her ass out of town … calling several private jet owners hoping to call in a favor.

It's really whatever about the drugs at this point, because there will never be a time when Lindsay won't do every drug that's put in front of her. Everyone should just go ahead and accept that in their hearts right now. It's easier to do than Jesus. You can have faith that she will and your faith will never be shaken. But the part of this story that doesn't make sense to me is that Lindsay can call private jet owners "hoping to call in a favor". What favor? Ummm, what favor? Not telling their wives why some of their Viagra is missing?

 

pic source = Instagram

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Lindsay Lohan Is Basically Putting Hits Out On People Now
Lindsay Lohan Is Basically Putting Hits Out On People Now

 

If you haven't heard by now, Paris Hilton's little brother, Barron Hilton, got his ass kicked outside a Miami mansion over the weekend, and he claims that Lindsay Lohan was the one who ordered the hit. Michael Lohan, who wasn't there, immediately made a statement saying Lindsay wasn't even at the scene and can provide several witnesses to corroborate her alibi. Then, of course, since Michael and Lindsay are suck at lying, there is video footage of Lindsay at the mansion being confronted by Barron. There is also video footage of me from high scool playing the saxophone. Sup, ladies?  TMZ reports:

Paris Hilton's little brother Barron Hilton was jumped this morning — and beaten to a pulp — and he claims Lindsay Lohan masterminded the attack, TMZ has learned. We know Lindsay's denying she ordered the hit — in fact, she claims she wasn't even on the scene at the time of the incident — but now we have video (above) that proves otherwise. It shows Barron (blonde hair, white shirt) and his friends confronting LiLo right after the attack. Multiple sources connected to the situation tell us … Barron attended a party last night at a Miami mansion where Lindsay has been staying while she's in town for an art festival — a party that lasted until well after the sun came up. We're told … during the party, someone accused Barron of talking smack about Lindsay — and a short time later he was attacked and beaten to a pulp. TMZ obtained a photo of the damage. We know … 24-year-old Barron spoke with police following the incident. He claims Lohan orchestrated the beating. Barron told cops Lindsay approached him at the party with a male friend and began screaming, "'You talk sh*t about me to my boyfriend, this is what you get." As the guy proceeded to pummel Barron, Hilton claims Lindsay was laughing and egging him on. Cops were called to the scene and interviewed Barron. We're told Barron doesn't know the identity of his attacker but is adamant Lindsay is the person behind the attack. We spoke to Michael Lohan who insists Lindsay had nothing to do with the attack and had left the mansion BEFORE the fight went down. Michael claims there are several witnesses — including security guards — who will back up Lindsay's alibi. Michael says Lindsay was adamant she didn't want to be around any trouble … i.e. drugs,  alcohol, violence … and even had people removed from the house before the fight ever went down. Problem with that alibi is — the video of Barron nearly face-to-face with Lilo outside the mansion … just moments after the fight.

So to recap, a spoiled, rich kid got beat up at an art festival in Miami by a dude who Lindsay promised he could titty fuck her and split her garbage bag of coke if he did. If they wanted me to pick a side here, they probably should have come up with a better scenario.

 

pic source = Instagram


 

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Lindsay Lohan Is Topless On Instagram
Lindsay Lohan Is Topless On Instagram

 

Lindsay Lohan really wants attention, so she took a topless pic and put it on Instagram. Sorry you can't see her whole boob, but I don't think her camera had the functionality to get the floor in the frame.

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