Halloween was Friday. Whatever. Here’s some pics of celebrities dressing up I got off Instagram. To be honest, the only one I actually looked at was the one of Ariana Grande‘s butt. Because I really enjoy her butt a great deal. My tongue just said so.
Lindsay Lohan has been in London for a while now because she was hooking and because she was cast in David Mamet’s play Speed The Plow. But mostly hooking. Well, her first performance was last night and it was just as Lohaned as you’d expect.
Lohan was a disaster … unprepared, nervous and flubbing lines left and right. According to several accounts … people backstage were feeding Lindsay her lines. Even more obvious … she carried a prop book with her dialogue and repeatedly consulted it. The theater was reportedly only half full. Lohan was described as looking pale and nervous … a look she usually reserves for the judge.
Like, for real, did anybody think this was gonna be any different? I wouldn’t cast Lindsay as an extra in a movie about Lindsay Lohan.
Hey, remember when Lindsay Lohan did community at the morgue instead of rotting in jail? Vaguely? Cool. Anyway, she says when she was there she rolled a body bag that had Whitney Houston‘s body in it.
Lindsay Lohan had a run-in with Whitney Houston while performing her community service — thing is, Whitney was dead. Lindsay was working at the L.A. County Morgue in her probation violation case a few years back when she came in contact with Whitney’s body … so she tells the Telegraph to promote her upcoming London play. She mused, “It’s different for me than it would be for other people. Like, no one would really have to work at the morgue in LA and roll a body bag for Whitney Houston.” A quick check of the timeline shows Lindsay might not be making this one up. Houston passed away tragically on February 11, 2012 … and Lindsay did her time at the morgue from October 2011 through March 2012.
Damn, cool story. But it came out of Lindsay’s mouth, it’s a complete fabrication of reality.
Lindsay Lohan is lying when she says she had to roll Whitney Houston‘s body bag at the L.A. County Morgue … because Whitney was never in a body bag. An official from the Coroner’s Office tells TMZ … Whitney was NEVER in a body bag and no one in the probation program came in contact with Whitney’s body…Whitney died on Saturday, Feb 11, 2012. The autopsy was performed the next day and her body was gone by morning. No one from any court-ordered probation program came in contact with the body … according to the Coroner’s official. The official says Whitney was wrapped in plastic with a sheet cover the entire time she was at the morgue. In fact, she was taken out in plastic — not a body bag.
I don’t know exactly what Lindsay rolled, but it apparently had a hallucinogen in it, or she’s trying to insert herself into a story that has nothing to do with her to make herself sound more interesting. Like they did with Jennifer Lawrence in the last X-Men movie. I know she won an Oscar for something else while under contract for this horseshit. And what was up with the scene of Hugh Jackman’s ass? isn’t he a little old for you, Bryan Singer? Pull it together, man.
BREAKING: Lindsay Lohan attempted to pay for something.
The starlet, who is soon about to work again in a London production of David Mamet’s “Speed-the-Plow,” was dismayed when her credit card was declined at 1Oak in Southampton on Saturday night. In a rare move, Lohan was attempting to pay the $2,500 bill for her table and bottles of vodka, when her card was rejected. A source said, “Lindsay freaked out when her card was declined. Her friends and others in her group had to chip in to cover the bill.” Bartenders and servers take note, Lohan makes her London West End debut on Sept. 24.
Either Lindsay didn’t know how much available credit she had, or she did the updated version of, “I forgot my wallet at home”. Both scenarios seem plausible. Also plausible? Weredinosaurs. Think about it.
Unlike boo thang, when Lindsay Lohan takes a bikini selfie, several elements have to come together to make it work. Elements such as weird angles, dim lighting, filters, and a healthy suspension of disbelief. Because when this hits the light of day, the illusion just completely falls apart into a damn mess and you see that the only D she’s not getting is from the sun. If you bought a ticket to see Mean Girls then fell into a coma then woke up last week, you’d think she moved to Atalanta and contracted Ebola.
Quick: Tell me the last time Lindsay Lohan got paid to be in anything. Stop, you won’t be able to, it’s too early to think that hard. But that doesn’t stop Lindsay from taking vacation in Ibiza and contaminating the water supply and making the sun work. I guess we’re all left to wonder how she can afford to party in Ibiza without zero taxable income. My only guess is that we can take clues from other pictures she’s taken. She can open her mouth really wide.
While her world is perpetually crumbling around her as she is about to lose another job for lacking any semblance of professionalism and perspective of herself, Lindsay Lohan took a bikini selfie. If she looks happy and comfortable here, it’s only because she’s been in this position more than things who actually have four legs.
pic source = Instagram
Lindsay Lohan is still in London, so here she is at the 1 Embankment party in a sheer dress with her hands on her vagina in like half these pics. Not sure what's really going on with all that. STD? Drug mule? It was cold outside? She's had another miscarriage? She needed to seal an old envelope? Lots of different scenarios here.
Legendary star of the stage and screen, Lindsay Lohan, was photographed leaving Chiltern Firehouse in London last night, and it should be obvious to everyone that she was there to celebrate her starring role in the new Star Wars movie or her engagement to Leonardo DiCaprio or whatever delusional, insane shit she believed when she was high on cocaine.