Lindsay Lohan Thought She Had A Hood Pass
Lindsay Lohan Thought She Had A Hood Pass

 

Sometimes when white girls are at a concert or the club, they get too turnt up in the moment and forget to lock down their casual racism. It happens. It’s adorable. Cue Lindsay Lohan.

Lindsay Lohan is about to learn a life lesson … nothing on the Internet is ever really gone … because her attempt to delete the N-word from social media has failed miserably.  Lohan went to see Kanye West perform Tuesday night as part of Paris Fashion Week. She posted a photo of Kanye onstage that included the caption, “#kanye&kimAlldaynigga$.” Lindsay deleted the corresponding tweet and edited the Instagram post to remove the N-word ... but her followers noticed and called her out on it.

Obviously, Lindsay Lohan isn’t racist as much as she is just dumb, because as we all know, if you’re gonna say “nigger”, you should say it at the privacy of your own home or in your fraternity. Or replace with words like thug. Or criminal.  Or welfare queen. Or socialist. or Kenyan. Or President. Christ, has Fox News taught you nothing?

 

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Settle Down, Lindsay
Settle Down, Lindsay

 

Lindsay Lohan posted this pic to Instagram this weekend. Why? Not sure. Oh I know. If you are a distinguished gentleman looking for a sophisticated lady, look no further. Her intellect will amaze, her beauty will entice, and her charm will intrigue you. She has the wonderful ability to bring smiles to the company she keeps, and she finds great satisfaction in knowing she has left you feeling totally pampered and special. If you find sexy, flirty fun as your cup of tea, please don’t hesitate to contact her. Why wait any longer to enjoy her one-of-a-kind companionship? She’s ready for you, but are you ready for her ?

She looks forward to hearing from you soon. Until then……

  • $350*    1 hour
  • $500*    90 min
  • $650*    2 hours
  • $925*    3 hours

(* = fee can be paid in coke and/or a role in a SAG film)

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Lindsay Lohan Spreads For Everyone

Here’s Lindsay Lohan in the upcoming issue of Hunger Magazine. Did they specifically ask her to spread her legs, or is that just like a natural impulse? I like how Hunger saved money on the shoot though. The guy who called the escort service probably just texted them the pics from his phone.

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Lindsay Lohan Has Joint Pain Or Something

 I’ve been here for a long time, and if you would have told me that Lindsay Lohan would still be alive in 2015, I would have thrown my Motorola RAZR at your face. She does have an incurable virus, so I guess my prediction was half right.

Lindsay Lohan is in a London hospital with a rare, incurable virus she apparently picked up in Bora Bora … TMZ has learned.  We’re told Lindsay contracted Chikungunya, a virus transmitted by mosquito bites that causes fever, joint pain and fatigue.   Lindsay vacationed in Bora Bora over the holidays and then flew to L.A. to shoot an Esurance commercial … we believe for the Super Bowl.  Lindsay began complaining of the illness just before New Year’s. She then went back to London where she became so ill she couldn’t walk.  Lindsay is currently in King Edward VII’s Hospital … the same place the Queen gets treated. They’re keeping Lindsay because she has a high fever and the joint pain is unbearable. As for her prognosis … we’re told the joint pain could last for months.

Lindsay should make a full recovery, because as we know, joints were never Lindsay’s problem.

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Lindsay Lohan Has Some Kind Of Virus

It was inevitable that Lindsay Lohan would contract a virus at some point, but if you didn’t bet on “French mosquitoes”, I’m afraid that you have lost some money.

The troubled actress, 28, was diagnosed with the Chikungunya virus during her French Polynesian holiday. According to the World Health Organization, Chikungunya is transmitted through mosquito bites and causes fever, severe joint pain among other unpleasant symptoms. There is no cure; treatment primarily focus on reliving symptoms. “Before I got Chikungunya use bug spray please, God bless,” she tweeted on December 27. The following day she updated everyone on her condition saying, “Being sick is no fun. But happy new year everyone. Be safe. Love all.” She also refuses to let her illness keep her from a good time. “In good faith with good people,” she captioned an Instagram with friends. “I refuse to let a virus [affect] my peaceful vacation be safe and happy on the new year all #wildfox and positive, healthy new year.”

Lindsay is still partying and talking selfies with friends, so she’s basically the Ebola Nurse with slightly better eyebrows and more disposable income for cocaine.

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I Missed Some Halloween Pics: Instagram Edition

Halloween was Friday. Whatever. Here’s some pics of celebrities dressing up I got off Instagram. To be honest, the only one I actually looked at was the one of Ariana Grande‘s butt. Because I really enjoy her butt a great deal. My tongue just said so.

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Lindsay Lohan Took A Topless Selfie
Lindsay Lohan Took A Topless Selfie

 

Hey, guys. So, my old ass laptop died for the second time, and the Indian guy who fixed it said it’s finally good now, but little does he know I just downloaded a STD in the form of a Lindsay Lohan topless selfie with her huge boobs covered up by her hair. Haha, let me see you fix this, Indian guy!

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Lindsay’s Stage Debut Thing Was A Complete Disaster
Lindsay’s Stage Debut Thing Was A Complete Disaster

 

Lindsay Lohan has been in London for a while now because she was hooking and because she was cast in David Mamet’s play Speed The Plow. But mostly hooking. Well, her first performance was last night and it was just as Lohaned as you’d expect.

Lohan was a disaster … unprepared, nervous and flubbing lines left and right. According to several accounts … people backstage were feeding Lindsay her lines. Even more obvious … she carried a prop book with her dialogue and repeatedly consulted it. The theater was reportedly only half full. Lohan was described as looking pale and nervous … a look she usually reserves for the judge.

Like, for real, did anybody think this was gonna be any different? I wouldn’t cast Lindsay as an extra in a movie about Lindsay Lohan.

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