Linda Evangelista Is Very Reasonable

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You can read the whole back story here if you want, but all you need to know is that Linda Evangelista believes that anything that comes out of her vagina is a winning Powerball ticket. New York Post reports:

Glamorous cover girl Linda Evangelista came to Manhattan Family Court yesterday — and slapped her deadbeat billionaire French baby-daddy with a $46,000-a-month support request. “That would probably be the largest support order in the history of the Family Court,” noted Support Magistrate Matthew Troy, who is expected to decide on an amount when the parties return to Family Court next month. The demure but towering Evangelista, still stunning at 46, is demanding the cash from Francois-Henri Pinault — CEO of the Paris-based luxury conglomerate that owns Gucci, Yves St. Laurent and Bottega Veneta — who is the father of her 4 year old, Augustin James, to whom he has not paid a penny since the boy’s birth.

$46,000 a month? Does this baby’s doctor have him on a strict arugula and caviar diet? Is Mary Poppins his nanny? Does Rapunzel make his onesies out of her hair? Does he have a gambling problem? No? So can somebody explain to me why this chick needs $46,000 a month to raise a kid? Kids born with cancer and clawhands don’t need this much.

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Being A Billionaire Is Awesome

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In March 2007, Salma Hayek came out of nowhere (possibly the bank) and revealed that she was pregnant and engaged to Frenchman and CEO of the $28 billion conglomerate that owns Gucci, Bottega Veneta and Yves St. Laurent, Francois-Henri Pinault. Nobody even knew they were dating at the time. In July 2008, Salma’s plan to intentionally get knocked up by a billionaire and never be heard from again to live out her days in opulent, untold luxury took a turn when the couple called off their engagement. However, they soon reconciled and were married on Valentine’s Day, 2009 in Paris. Or roughly about the time the secret baby he made by not pulling out of Linda Evangelista turned two. Haters gonna hate! New York Post reports:

The father of supermodel Linda Evangelista’s 4-year-old boy is none other than billionaire Frenchman Francois-Henri Pinault — who just happens to be the husband of actress Salma Hayek, The Post has learned. Despite Evangelista’s rep denying Pinault’s paternity when confronted with it by The Post’s Page Six back in October 2007, the Victoria’s Secret stunner came to court yesterday in hopes of hashing out a support agreement with Pinault, the father of the boy, Augustin James. The Manhattan magistrate’s court action confirms that the two-timing Pinault is the daddy to two 4-year-olds by different world-famous beauties. Evangelista, 46, herself has zealously guarded the love child’s paternity, even lying to protect Pinault. A year after “Augie’s” birth, she was claiming in interviews that the father was “a New York architect.” He rep at DNA Model Management, Didier Fernandez, called the Pinault paternity rumor “untrue” when confronted with it by Page Six in 2007. Yesterday was the model’s third or fourth trip to Family Court, and no agreement was reached, making a fall support trial looking likely, according to a court source. Evangelista left glumly without commenting to a reporter. Pinault, 49, was a no-show, but that was due to a misunderstanding, said his lawyer, David Aronson.

You ever see those posters of a cartoon sun and the sun is wearing sunglasses and it makes the gun sign with its hands and the hands are pointing at you and the sun has a sly smile? You have? Well, that sun is this dude’s dick.

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