You Knew This Was Coming

Lily Allen got married yesterday and announced that she’s pregnant again (for now). Radar Online says:

At the conclusion of her wedding to Sam Cooper Saturday, the groom shared a happy secret with their 300 guests. Lily Allen is pregnant! As reported, the superstar Brit singer and her house designer boyfriend of two years married today in the English countryside. The couple suffered a devastating miscarriage last year, with Lily almost dying from a deadly infection. Allen is already four months along with her current pregnancy and feeling fantastic, Cooper told their friends and family. Becoming a “mum” has long been her “ultimate goal,” the ‘Smile’ singer has frequently said.

Lily Allen’s uterus is already 0 for 2, so she should probably wait until her baby is at least three years old before announcing that she was ever even pregnant or take to knocking on wood. But we’re optimists here. On the bright side, at least this one won’t be stillborn out of wedlock.

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Maybe Pregnancy Isn’t For Lily Allen

Less than three years after losing her first child due to a miscarriage, Lily Allen has lost her second unborn child due to a viral infection. The Daily Mail reports:

When Lily Allen unexpectedly pulled out of performing at her friend Elton John’s charity fundraiser over the weekend, not much was made of it. At six months pregnant, it was understandable the singer would want to take every precaution after falling ill with a viral infection last week. Her spokesperson released a statement apologising to Elton, who stepped in to sing at the last minute at the Grey Goose Character & Cocktails winter ball, explaining that Lily was unable to take medication and was resting ‘until the infection clears’. In reality, the 25-year-old had been rushed to hospital with stomach cramps, where doctors tried desperately to save her unborn child. But attempts to save the baby boy were unsuccessful, leaving Miss Allen and her boyfriend Sam Cooper devastated. ‘Lily and Sam are both devastated,’ the friend said. ‘She had kept quiet for three months until she had the scan and doctors told her everything was OK. ‘She was understandably so nervous after having had a miscarriage before. ‘But as soon as she got the all-clear, she talked to everyone and anyone about how excited she was. ‘It was her dream to become a mum and she loved showing off her bump. ‘This is a nightmare for her and Sam. It’s too early to say how she will be able to cope with this. They are both heartbroken.’

Since jail overcrowding seems to be a problem, maybe we can miniaturize the really bad prisoners and inject them into Lily Allen. Because obviously her womb is like some sort of medieval chamber of death.

Note: Every story you hear about Lily Allen involves her either being too drunk to stand up or having a miscarriage. I don’t think those two are unrelated. I might be wrong though.

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Links Less Revealing Than Ballroom Dancing

Above video isNSFW, I guess. Though if you can’t watch ballroom dancing at work, it’s not like you’re going to run home to see it.

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson‘s fight over the weekend lead them to postpone a party they were going to throw becuase of “ear infections,” which was lame before LiLo went out the next day [LaineyGossip]

Whatever went wrong for you on Valentine’s Day, Megan Fox, I want to make it all better. [JustJared]

Peaches Geldorf‘s kickass tattoo almost distracts from her bare breasts. Almost. Site NSFW [TaxiDriverMovie]

Lily Allen‘s panty-flash actually makes me respect her more. Site NSFW. [DrunkenStepfather]

Salma Hayek got married to French guy on Valentine’s Day. The only French things I can get behind are (more…)

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That Is One Ugly Hat

I hear that Lily Allen sent a topless photo of herself to Ricky Wilson, frontman for the Kaiser Chiefs, when she really meant to send the photo to someone else named Ricky in her phone. Allen herself has said it was for Rick Astley, which is either the lamest second-tier Rick Roll ever or a bold move for a Rick Astley fan.

Let’s settle on what we know to be fact: that is one stupid hat. She looks like a candy cane that got orgasmed on by Snuffleupagus.

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I Had The Time Of My Life With These Links

It’s the Dirty Dancing Workout, and I ordered it because it’s less painful than sitting through Dirty Dancing again. That and: sweatpants. [BestWeekEver]

Dominic Cooper has broken up with his g/f of 12 years to date Mama Mia’s Amanda Seyfried, and you can bet that something bad will come of that [LaineyGossip]

Lilly Allen should keep her knees together [TaxiDriverMovie]

Mila Kunis: ZOMBIE! [Just Jared]

Bridget Marquardt says Hugh Hefner is “rude” for replacing pictures of her with pictures of his new girlfriends. Because it makes total sense that new girlfriends want pics of your ex all around the house, right? [HollywoodRag]


Lady GaGa goes out sans pants. [DrunkenStepfather]

Busted (more…)

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Wink-Link, Nudge-Nudge

Oh, so that’s where hipsters come from. I would have thought a horse’s ass, but this is pretty close.

Carmen Electra might be addicted to sex toys. Also reported: She’s not even trying to hide that hideous bra. [Hollywood Tuna]

Lily Allen: “I know lots of people who take cocaine three nights a week and get up and go to work…But we never hear that side of the story.” [I’m Not Obsessed]

Real World: Brooklyn vs. real world Brooklyn [Complex]

Cameron Diaz
nipple-slips? Why not? [City Rag]

Busted-looking star of the day: Debra Messing. [Celebslam]

Cindy Crawford doesn’t let her daughter watch Hanna Montana because it makes her a little bitch. [Celebitchy]

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Auld Link Syne

Christian The Lion just reminded me that no animal or person loves me [Videogum]

Putting your mouth on Ashlee Simpson’s boobs? Ok, I guess. Drinking her breast milk? Not as kosher. [celebritysmackblog]

Oops, I didn’t know we couldn’t talk about sex Madonna’s mustache. [The Daily Fix]

Kanye West is staying indoors for New Year’s, because it’s Rockin’ Eve not New Year’s Auto-Tuning Eve!!!!11!!! [Pink Is The New Blog]

Sexy Scarlett Johansson says she’ll grow out of sexy. Ryan Reynolds says, “I’ve set divorce lawyers on speed dial.” [Popoholic]

It’s either Lily Allen topless or the worst mosquito bites I’ve ever seen on (more…)

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Lily Allen is Better

Being a drunken mess is kinda Lily Allen’s thing, but thanks to her, Britney Spears’ annoying ass song, Womanizer, is now tolerable. I think it might have something to do with the fact that Lily Allen can actually sing and the music doesn’t sound like something you’d hear at an android gay bar.

Photos: Splash

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Lily Allen and Elton John: Girl Fight!

Lily Allen co-hosted the GQ Men of the Year Awards with Elton John in London last night, and surprise, she got drunk and made a complete ass out of herself. Imagine that! The Daily Mail says:

As the evening wore on, Lily’s state gradually deteriorated as she continually sipped champagne on stage. The 23-year-old, decked out in an extravagant ballgown, soon began slurring, swearing and ad-libbing – and it was only a matter of time before she had an all-too-public fall-out on stage with co-host Elton. When she came to announce ‘…and now the most important part of the night’, Elton chipped in ‘What? Are you going to have another drink?’ She fired back: ‘F*** off Elton. I am 40 years younger than you and have my whole life ahead of me!’ The shocked audience fell silent. A clearly rattled Elton replied ‘I could still snort you under the table’. To which she replied: ‘F*** off. I don’t know what you are talking about.’ On more than one occasion, Elton could be seen having a stern word with her in the wings between awards. She barely made it off the stage after the awards ended – before drinking even more at the afterparty.”

I don’t know what Lily Allen is thinking. Everybody knows you don’t fuck with a old bitchy queen. They’re dangerous. I was attacked by one once and I had glitter in my hair for like a whole week. You hear that? A whole week!

Photos: Splash

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Lily Allen is Punching People

The plague of little white girls slapping random people continues to rampage through the UK. It’s Lily Allen, look out!! The Sun reports:

Lily Allen has never been one to mind her French. But as you can see from my pictures, she went a step further by landing a punch on a Gallic passer-by during a boozy night out. The girl provoked Lily by calling her a “f****** a*******” as she left Ronnie Scott’s in London on Monday. She then egged on Lily with further insults before the Smile star cracked and chucked a right hook at the bolshy brunette. And after round one Lily was ready to go back into the ring for more. She shouted: “Where is that b****, man? I’ll f****** batter her.” Thankfully, Lily’s TV host pal Miquita Oliver talked her out of it, with the singer agreeing: “Violence is bad.” But she still had time to shout abuse at one of the girl’s male friends – who was wearing a skirt – before getting into a cab, where her boob popped out.”

I’m fascinated by the fact that apparently there isn’t a scenario that Lily Allen thinks shouldn’t somehow involve her tits (click here and click here, NSFW). If she assassinated Vladimir Putin or beat Michael Phelps in the 100m freestyle, I’d fully expect the caption of one of the pictures to involve the word “areola.”

Photos: Splash

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