Here’s Your 2014 SI Swimsuit Cover
Here’s Your 2014 SI Swimsuit Cover

 

The 2014 Sports Ilustrated Swimsuit Issue cover was released yesterday, and the most important thing we need to realize here is that it doesn't include Kate Upton. Thanks, guys. However, it does include Nina Agdal, Lily Aldridge, and Chrissy Teigen. Instead of "blonde and kinda fat with a huge rack" being the criteria this year, apparently it was "who has a nice ass and has dated or is married to a musician"? Either way, we all win. Lookin good, ladies.

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Happy National Eating Disorder Day, Ladies!



The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show aired last night, and if you’re unsure what that is, it’s when female physical perfection prance around in lingerie while you stab yourself in the leg with your keys because you really want to finish that tray of cupcakes. Because you don’t look like them. And you probably never will. It’s ok, though. I’m sure your boyfriend loves you in sweatpants and doesn’t think about Miranda Kerr when he’s having sex with you. I’m sure of it.

Miranda Kerr, Lily Aldridge, and Alessandra Ambrosio at the VS Viewing Party. I get a lot of comments saying they’re not real women. I didn’t know that. They must be some kind of sexy robots.

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