Liam Neeson Used to Be A Schoolteacher Until He Punched A Kid

 Liam Neeson has been knocking bitches out since Day 1.

A Reddit user unearthed this interview of Neeson from a few years ago, in which he admitted that he was fired for punching a 15-year-old student during his days in teacher training. But there was a good reason. The kid was holding a knife .

Sometimes there is a discipline problem, so [the issue is] getting them to settle down before you start teaching them, you know? And this particular kid just didn’t want to settle down, and he wanted to disrupt the whole class, you know? So I went over to him and asked him to leave the classroom and stand outside, and the next thing I know, he pulled a knife on me. And my immediate reaction was to punch him, which I shouldn’t have done. But I felt threatened, so I punched him.

I don’t know if this kid is still alive or not, but if John Wick would have been in teacher there’s a probably a 175% chance he wouldn’t be. If he is, then he would have a glass eye and maybe table leg for an arm.


Obviously Liam Neeson took two Xanax and smoked a bowl right before this interview:


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Liam Neeson’s Nephew Got Drunk And Broke His Brain
Liam Neeson’s Nephew Got Drunk And Broke His Brain


"Don't climb on that thing over there."


Ronan Sexton, Liam Neeson's nephew and possible Bond villain, got drunk and climbed on top of a 20 foot phone kiosk at 4am. Guess what happened next? He was *takes on sunglasses* taken to a hospital.

 Sussex Police said Friday that Sexton is in critical condition, and there were no suspicious circumstances to the incident. "Ronan is receiving wonderful treatment from the dedicated staff at Hurstwood Park," his family said in a statement. "We gratefully receive all the love, support, prayers and good wishes for Ronan's full recovery to good health. We would appreciate privacy at this time."

Life tip: Don't marry or be related to Liam Neeson. Your skull will crash into things.

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Liam Neeson Continues To Be A Badass
Liam Neeson Continues To Be A Badass


If you abuse animals that pretty much tells me all I need to know you about a person. Sorry about you being a future serial killer. But if you want to stone a dog to death in Central Park, a good idea would be not to do it while Liam Neeson is out for a jog.

Neeson was jogging through Manhattan’s Central Park when he was abruptly halted by a woman shouting that teenage boys were stoning a dog to death.  The dog was trapped, terrified and in pain. “Abruptly changing direction, Liam charged down a path and confronted three gangbanger wannabe types who were throwing rocks at a stray they’d cornered up against a trash bin,” a witness said.  “Liam yelled that they’d better stop or he’d knock the crap out of them.” They weren’t to be intimidated by the Taken star. “The punks just swaggered up and warned him to mind his own business,” the witness explained.  Neeson was incensed.  “In a fury, he warned them to back off fast – or else!” “Yeah, okay, man…we’re out of here,” the apparent ringleader said. Liam smirked, impressed that he was able to get them to retreat.  However, it wasn’t his minacious disposition that spooked the hooligans. “Turns out it was the sight of the approaching cop that had spooked the boys. Liam just shook his head and approached the shivering dog, stroking it while the policeman assessed its injuries – then thanked the star and told him: ‘I’ll take it from here, sir!’”

I sat on this story for a while, because it kinda sounds super fake. Way too much detail and, uhhh, "Liam smirked, impressed that he was able to get them to retreat." Life With Dogs apparently hires first year creative writing students. But for the sake of decency and humanity, I'll go ahead and believe this whole thing is true. If your publicist is going to come up with a fake story, I can think of a lot worse than "saving a dog from being stoned to death". Like the time by publicist said I saved a child from a burning minivan by ripping the door off then flying him to the hospital. C'mon, man. Like I would ever go near a minivan.

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Liam Neeson Is A Great Interview

Liam Neeson is on a promo tour for Taken 2, so a good demographic to reach out to would be people who love to watch men violently hit each other every Sunday. But instead of offering insight on why the Jets’ suck, Neeson was confused and bewildered. He probably would have had an easier time performing open heart surgery on Chris Berman.

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Liam Neeson Needs To Control His Bitches

The original Taken was an unexpected hit, so of course the studio is going to ride this thing out to squeeze every last dollar they can from tales of white girls getting kidnapped. So now we have Taken 2. But this time his wife gets kidnapped. In reality, this movie should have lasted five minutes and just have one scene where they’re at an Applebee’s and Liam Neeson takes all these bitches’ passports.

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Liam Neeson Is An Action Star At 59 Because Every Young Male Actor Is A Huge Vagina

“You hear me, Hitler? I’ve made a list. I’ve checked it twice. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t let the Jews go, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you. Then I will kill some wolves.”

Effectively bitch slapping Justin Timberlake, Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattinson, Bradley Cooper, Jake Gyllenhaal, and any other gaywad you can think of right in their effeminate face, director of LIAM NEESON KICKS WOLF ASSThe Grey, Joe Carhahan, says Liam Neeson is still a viable action star because every young male actor in Hollywood is a preening little ladboy who still play with dolls. Film News UK reports:

“I don’t think it’s crazy when you have a town now that has put so much premium on boys instead of men. And has put so many shirtless 17-year-olds in front of the camera and tried to pass off as a masculine form,” he explained in an interview with Collider. “I have nothing against the younger generations, but I feel when I look in their eyes, I don’t see sh*t, man. I don’t see a life lived, I don’t see experience, I don’t see dirt under the nails, I don’t see loss, tragedy, you name it. “The reason that a guy like Liam, who’s nearly 60 years old who is having this resurgent kind of career swing is because we are sorely lacking in his ilk in this business right now.”

Honestly. You can’t get much more badass than Liam Neeson in Taken where he throat chopped his way to his kidnapped daughter. But if Robert Pattinson had starred in Taken at least we would have been able to see how effective a smolder and tears were against the Albanian mafia. Pretty damn effective I bet. Ladies?

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Natasha Richardson is ‘Irreplaceable’

In response to her untimely death at the age of 45 from a skiing accident, Natasha Richardson’s friends and colleagues have issued statements recalling her life and the affect she had on the lives of others. Us Magazine reports:

Mia Farrow:
“Natasha is irreplaceable. I cannot think of anyone kinder, more generous, thoughtful, smarter or more fun. She is the godmother of two of my children. The Neesons and Vanessa [Redgrave, Richardson’s mother] have always made me feel a part of their wonderful family. My thoughts and prayers are with them.”

Lindsay Lohan, Richardson’s costar in 1998’s The Parent Trap:
“She was a wonderful woman and actress and treated me like I was her own. I didn’t see much of her over the years, but I will miss her. My heart goes out to her family. This is a tragic loss.”

Demi Moore (via Twitter):
“I am sending out prayers for Natasha Richardson and her family. A real reminder of how precious life is and how quickly it can be gone.”

Martha Stewart
(via Twitter):
“Just heard the tragic news about poor Natasha Richardson. Her family must be devastated. My sincerest condolences to all.”

Blythe Danner:
“I can’t talk because I started crying. I’m heart broken. She was so kind to us when Bruce [Paltrow, Danner’s late husband] was ill. She’s so generous. I don’t think that I can handle it.”

By all accounts Natasha Richardson was a genuinely kind and generous person who was involved in a Hollywood marriage that was bound by sincere love and mutual respect, so we are terribly sorry for her family’s loss. I’m also sorry that Lindsay Lohan still manages to stay alive. I mean, she should be dead by now right? Vodka and speedballs aren’t vitamins, right? If there was any justice in this world, an anvil would drop on this bitch’s head while she was walking over a manhole and it would hit her so hard she would shoot out of the ground in China where she would be raped by a Panda then thrown off the side of a mountain. You know, or something like that. This is more of a rough draft really.

EVEN MORE TRAGIC UPDATE: The first ambulance was turned away because Richardson showed no signs of injury. Wow.

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Natasha Richardson Might Have Brain Damage

Actress Natasha Richardson, daughter of actress Vanessa Redgrave and wife of actor Liam Neeson, has reportedly suffered a traumatic brain injury while skiing in Canada. Irish Central reports:

Natasha Richardson, the wife of Irish superstar Liam Neeson, has been critically injured in Canada, according to an insider at the Montreal hospital to which she was taken. Richardson, who was set to co-star with her mother, Vanessa Redgrave, in a Broadway revival of Stephen Sondheim’s “A Little Night Music,” was apparently injured in a tragic ski accident and suffered a traumatic brain injury.It is not known whether Neeson is at his wife’s side…Richardson made her feature film debut as Mary Shelley in Ken Russell’s “Gothic” (1986). Her performance caught the attention of director Paul Schrader, who cast her in the title role in “Patty Hearst” (1988)…In 1995 she co-starred with Jodie Foster and Liam Neeson in “Nell” (1994) and, in 1998, in “The Parent Trap” (1998) with Dennis Quaid. Her recent films include “Blow Dry” (2001) released in 2001, and Ethan Hawke’s “Chelsea Walls” (2001).

Man, that was depressing. Here’s something that’s not depressing: ponies!

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