Miley Cyrus Wrote A Letter To Liam Hemsworth
Miley Cyrus Wrote A Letter To Liam Hemsworth

 

So apparently Miley Cyrus stopped twerking and poppin molly long enough to sit down and write a letter to Liam Hemsworth to apologize and tell him she still loves him. I'm sure it will work out. Page Six reports:

Miley Cyrus has penned a heartbroken “open letter” to former fiancé Liam Hemsworth, saying she is sorry for her wild ways. “As time has gone on and the anger subsided, Miley has really started to feel the pain of their split,” a source told The Sun. “She thought about writing some songs, but then decided why not write a letter to Liam to tell him exactly how she feels. Miley admitted to Liam she has pushed him away and said sorry for acting so mad.” Cyrus has been partying constantly since her breakup, moving on with a series of hook-ups, The Sun reports. Most recently, she reportedly was seen making out with rocker Benji Madden at a Halloween party. But it seems the nonstop partying has left the Disney star-turned-wild child realizing exactly what she’s lost in her Australian former flame. “Miley says in her letter she still loves Liam deeply and has asked him to meet up. It could be for closure or it could be to start again, but she just wants to see him and talk things through.”

People still write actual letters? That's cute. I guess it's the only form of writing Miley could think of where she still gets to stick out her tongue at some point.

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Miley Cyrus Trapped Liam Hemsworth With A Fake Pregnancy
Miley Cyrus Trapped Liam Hemsworth With A Fake Pregnancy

 

Stop me if you've heard this one: a guy wants to break up with the chick he proposed to because she succumbed to rachetry and she's traps him into staying by faking a positive pregnancy test. You probably haven't, because this rare and women usually never do thiHAHAHAHAHA MStars reports:

A recent cover issue of the seedy gossip magazine OK! blares the headline, "Miley's baby trap. The truth about whether a positive pregnancy test kept Liam from dumping her months ago." According to the popular tabloid, Hemsworth was "ready to break up" with the twerking songstress last spring until "a positive home pregnancy test changed everything." An alleged insider explains, "Miley thought she was expecting and wanted to announce it to the world, even before she went to a doctor to verify the results… Liam begged her not to go public yet. He was emotionally out of the romance for months by that point, though he was still sleeping with her." As OK! sums it up, "Essentially trapped Liam in the relationship, telling him that if he left her alone, she'd tell the world that he had abandoned her at such a delicate time."

Of course, there's another story today that says Miley Cyrus wanted to leave Liam Hemsworth in February, but I thought her PR's narrative at this point she wanted to leave because he was banging January Jones. So, uhhh, which is it? How would a man who bought an engagement ring not even a year ago, be dating Eiza Gonzalez right now? Fake baby. It was because of the fake baby.

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Miley Cyrus Is Texting Liam Hemsworth Nonstop, Might Be Dating This Dude
Miley Cyrus Is Texting Liam Hemsworth Nonstop, Might Be Dating This Dude

 

Despite the fact that Liam Hemsworth has upgraded his vagina sevice pack, Miley Cyrus is aparently using the classic white girl method of texting him incessantly all night begging him to come back. Hollywood Life reports:

Poor Miley Cyrus! Liam Hemsworth is moving on so quickly, publicly kissing pretty Mexican actress Eiza González, 23, (Todd's note: Again THIS) just one day after reps announced that he and Miley had called off their engagement. Meanwhile, Miley is so devastated that she’s reportedly pleading with Liam to get back together with her via late-night texts. Despite all the signs that their relationship was falling apart, it seems Miley, 20, still can’t accept the fact that it’s over between her and Liam, 23, according to Life & Style magazine. Just days before their split was announced, “Miley was telling people Liam loves her,” a source close to the “We Can’t Stop” singer tells the mag. “She texts him so much, especially super late at night,” the source reveals. “His friends joke about it. Liam doesn’t want to be mean — but he wants to be single.”

There's also been several reports that Miley is dating Mike Will Made It. I guess because he's black and she's black now. As you can see below, what black guy can resist a bony redneck with a flat ass and Joan of Arc hair? Watch any rap video. There's so many skinny white girls you'd think they filmed them at an H&M.

 

Miley Cyrus Bangerz

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Liam Hemsworth Is Banging This Now

Now that he's had a white chick actress (January Jones) and a black chick singer (Miley Cyrus), Liam Hemsworth is now banging a Hispanic actress/singer chick (Eiza Gonzales). His affirmative action penis had fun in Las Vegas. The Daily Mail reports:

The pair have been pictured together once again on Monday after flirting and partying together in Las Vegas over the weekend. This time the duo, both 23, were snapped in Los Angeles after returning from Sin City, the very same day Liam and Miley confirmed that they had called off their engagement. The pair were leaving a residential home, hopping into a black Cadillac Escalade together. Liam jumped into the driver's seat of the vehicle while Eiza settled herself into the passenger seat. While the nature of Eiza and Liam's relationship is yet to be confirmed, the fact that he is spending time in the company of the gorgeous star is sure to be a blow to Miley. The same day that Eiza and Liam stepped out together in LA, he and Miley confirmed that their relationship was over. Liam and Eiza were first seen getting close when they were pictured partying together at VIP club Bungalow in Las Vegas on Saturday night. Liam, along with about five male friends and a couple of ladies, including Eiza, reportedly went to their VIP table near the DJ booth, but only for a few minutes before heading back to a more private VIP cabana near the pool. Liam and Eiza are said to have never left each other's side during the night. The pair reportedly enjoyed some drinks, Liam smoked a cigarette and they talked and flirted very close in the the VIP section of the club. At one point, Eiza was seen sitting on a cabinet, flashing her legs in her short dress as Liam stayed standing, chatting to her and gazing into her eyes. And it was no wonder why he was so enamoured, as she was showing off her killer body in a bright orange strapless dress teamed with sky high black patent leather stilettos and a gold choker necklace. According to reports, Liam and Eiza left the club together at 2am.

Let me the first to say Liam Hemsworth's jumpoff is high quality Latina. Usually when you high quality Mexican stuff it's in balloons. So excellent work, Liam. Excellent work.

 

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Liam Hemsworth Is Smooth With The Ladies

When you're engaged to Miley Cyrus, at some point you realize you've made a horrific mistake and are left with no choice put to cheat. So of course Liam Hemsworth has been banging January Jones (how you doin'?) because she is an ice queen with no soul who has babies with married men. And apparently it doesn't take much for her to wring her panties out. Us Weekly reports:

"January thinks Liam is so sexy," a pal told Us of Jones, 35, a single mom to son Xander, 2. And the feeling is clearly mutual: Earlier this summer, the clean-cut Paranoia star sent Jones a graphic, sexual text message. "I want to [expletive] you," it read, in part.

Oh, I see how it is. I tell Ashley Greene the same thing and lawyers get involved. She's probably racist.

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Miley Cyrus Is Officially Single

It's hard to believe that after she cut off all her hair to enter her adorable rebellious phase and twerked in unicorn pajamas, that Miley Cyrus' boyfriend would dump her because he wants to be with a woman instead, but Liam Hemsworth has officially pulled the plug. Us Weekly reports:

Looks like Liam Hemsworth's brothers got their wish. A few weeks after Chris and Luke Hemsworth staged an intervention with their younger sibling to voice their concerns about his engagement to fiancee Miley Cyrus, the Hunger Games actor has called it quits with the former Disney star, multiple sources reveal in the new issue of Us Weekly. "They are definitely over," one insider tells Us of the ex-lovebirds, who met on the set of The Last Song in 2009 and got engaged in June 2012. (Hemsworth, 23, proposed with a 3.5-carat diamond ring, which Cyrus, 20, has worn on and off ever since.)

Hey, remember when Miley Cyrus's dad had a mullet then Miley Cyrus was born rich then given her own show at Disney that made her a millionaire and now she thinks she's Gucci Mane? Yeah, Miley will always be a rich kid playing dress up no matter how many hip-hop instructional dance videos she memorizes. Liam Hemsworth probably got tired of their DVR filling up with episodes of 106 & Park.

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January Jones Banged Liam Hemsworth Last Weekend



Hey, remember when you couldn’t see a picture of Liam Hemsworth without seeing his arm around Miley Cyrus and then they got engaged and then she cut off all her hair and dyed in blonde then tried to become a lesbian Billy Idol then you really didn’t see those pictures anymore? Ok, good. Radar Online reports:

Looks like there may be trouble in paradise for Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth! The Australian actor, who got engaged to the Can’t Be Tamed singer in June 2012, cheated on his famous fiancee by getting hot and heavy with Mad Men star January Jones at a pre-Oscar party over the weekend, the new issue of Star is exclusively reporting. Liam, who showed up at the swanky soiree at the famed Chateau Marmont hotel without his bride-to-be, had guests aghast as he cozied up to the scandalous single mother, according to Star. “It looked like they had some hot chemistry,” an eyewitness at the event tells Star. “They were all over each other – and they even kissed!”

January Jones is an ice queen who doesn’t care about your relationship when she decides to have sex with you, so this really shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone. We still don’t know who her baby daddy is, but we do know it was probably her married director on X-Men: First Class, Matthew Vaughn. January and Liam probably had sex while watching Hannah Montana on Netflix.

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Miley Cyrus Is Getting Married This Weekend



Most likely. Probably. Maybe. I don’t know, what am I? A wizard who can see the future? I picked the Thunder in 6, so what the fuck do I know? Anyway, Miley Cyrus tweeted some vague shit this weekend, so now we get to speculate and deal in conjecture because today is fucking boring. Hollywood Life reports:

Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth have been engaged for less than a month, but a recent tweet may prove that the two are getting married as early as next weekend! On Sunday June 24, Miley tweeted, “Super lazy Sunday! Can’t wait for next week! It’ll be filled with happiness!”

Whatever. Who knows what this means. She could be getting married or “Happiness” could be the name of some Mexican dude. Or she could be talking about grits. We don’t know. I guess we’ll find out on Sunday. Or not. Hopefully we’ll find the strength to go on.

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Miley Cyrus Is Engaged



Miley Cyrus and Thor’s brother are engaged. Maybe they’ll honeymoon at the Westin. Pretty nice place. People reports:

“I’m so happy to be engaged and look forward to a life of happiness with Liam,” Cyrus, 19, tells PEOPLE. Australian actor Hemsworth, 22, who met Cyrus when they costarred in The Last Song in 2009, proposed on May 31 with a 3.5-carat diamond ring from jeweler Neil Lane.

I always encourage girls to get married young because by the time they’re 25, it’s really easy for me to talk to them into driving to my house and banging me on Twitter. So, thanks Twitter.

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