Here’s Jesse Eisenberg As Lex Luthor
Here’s Jesse Eisenberg As Lex Luthor

 

EW just dropped the first image of Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor in Batman Vs. Superman: Dawn Of Justice, and as you can see Lex Luthor is still bald. Gonna be weird in that one scene where he nervously asks a girl out on a date or has to explain to his mother why he didn’t go to law school.

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Jesse Eisenberg Is Lex Luthor. Jesse Eisenberg.
Jesse Eisenberg Is Lex Luthor. Jesse Eisenberg.

 

Jesse Eisenberg is Lex Luthor. If I type it enough maybe it will set in that Jesse Eisenberg is Lex Luthor. Nope, not helping. Deadline reports:

Two more key roles have been cast in Zack Snyder’s upcoming Superman-Batman movie for Warner Bros. Jesse Eisenberg will play Superman’s arch enemy Lex Luthor and Jeremy Irons will play Bruce Wayne’s butler/mentor Alfred in the pic, which is set for a May 6, 2016 release….“Lex Luthor is often considered the most notorious of Superman’s rivals, his unsavory reputation preceding him since 1940,” Snyder said in Warner Bros’ announcement of the castings today. “What’s great about Lex is that he exists beyond the confines of the stereotypical nefarious villain. He’s a complicated and sophisticated character whose intellect, wealth and prominence position him as one of the few mortals able to challenge the incredible might of Superman. Having Jesse in the role allows us to explore that interesting dynamic, and also take the character in some new and unexpected directions.”

Read that higlighted part again. Now realize they cast Jesse Eisenberg as fucking LEX LUTHOR. What new and unexpected directions do they plan on taking this? Lex Luthor is a Vine celebrity who needs an inhaler and Xanax to get on a plane? He watches Portlandia on his iPad? He gives Superman some Purell before they fight? Screw you, Snyder.

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Bryan Cranston Is Lex Luthor, Ben Affleck To Appear In 13 Movies As Batman
Bryan Cranston Is Lex Luthor, Ben Affleck To Appear In 13 Movies As Batman

 

Our techincal issues appear to be over. Apparently the server can't stand to see me cry. But here's a story that might make nerds cry: Ben Affleck has signed a 13-feature deal with Warner Bros. to appear as Batman. BEN AFFLECK WILL BE BATMAN IN 13 MOVIES. Also, Bryan Cranston has been typecast as a soulless monster who destroys everything good. Cosmic Book News reports:

Bryan Cranston has been cast as Lex Luthor in what is said to be at least a six "appearance" deal (think of Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury popping up in every Marvel movie in the run-up to Avengers) and may be as high as ten. Look for the official announcement to follow the conclusion to the final season of Breaking Bad as WB wants to dovetail off the end of that. Regarding Ben Affleck, we are told he has allegedly a 13-appearance deal for Batman. DC is going to have all of their main characters liberally appearing or at least mentioned in all of their movies to portray a more connected world than what Marvel Studios has done so far. DC also does have major interest in bringing Matt Damon into the Justice League now that Affleck is on board, and it is rumored that he is being considered for Aquaman or Martian Manhunter.

So, the deal starts this year, and if they make a DC universe movie every year for the next 13 years, Ben Affleck will be 54. Still too young to play Batman in The Dark Knight Strikes Again. Wait, who just typed that? I don't even know what that is. What's a "Batman"? I lift weights and I don't even own a computer because volunteering at the cute puppy shelter keeps me busy. 'Sup, ladies?

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