Rihanna Has Been Banging DiCaprio For Years

Rihanna is technically a model, and if you don’t consider her a model, she’s hotter that 80% of models, so naturally Leonardo DiCaprio’s penis has been inside her 80% of the way for years apparently.

We know that Leo and RiRi have had a flirty few weeks since they were spotted together on New Years Eve but apparently, the two have been hooking up for years according to Us. That would mean that Rihanna was sneaking around behind Chris Brown and Drake’s back to secretly hook up with Leo — yikes! Leo also had a relationship with Toni Garn during this time…”After his breakup, Leo started texting Rihanna again. They decided to have some fun,” a source said. “Neither one is looking to make this anything more than fun. He’s into her, and they’re enjoying it.”

Not only do Leonardo DiCaprio and Rihanna have life completely figured out, but when DiCaprio dies, his penis should have its own monument.

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Taylor Swift Is Texting Leonardo DiCaprio “Non-Stop”

Apparently Taylor Swift doesn’t enjoy scissoring as much as I hoped, because she’s supposedly texting  Leonardo DiCaprio non-stop. And she’s probably sending him pics of the wrong kind of kitties. Oh, Taylor.

Despite a recent drop in model percentage at the party that is Leonardo DiCaprio’s life, the cargo-shorted film star has been enjoying endless summer for years now, answering to no one but his own beard. Taylor Swift, who sang a song at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show one time but is not a model, is reportedly prepared to destroy all of that. The National Enquirer claims that Tayla has picked Leo as her “next conquest,” going so far as to have her manager arrange an interview with him so she can “put him to the test.” The boyfriend test. According to the Enquirer, Tay has been texting Leo, or someone she believes to be Leo, “non-stop.” Leo will be her next boyfriend, and they will watch Titanic together every night with her cats and she will never let go, reportedly.

Look, I would bang Taylor Swift retarded, but I really haven’t spent most of my adult life picking things out of the Victoria’s Secret catalog that weren’t for sale. If Leonardo wanted to bang a hot 25-year old, he could drive his yacht to the source. South Africa or Brazil, not Lena Dunham’s book club ans artisanal cheese parties.

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Toni Garnn Mentioned Having Kids With Leo, Got Dumped

Model Toni Garnn has been dating Leonardo DiCaprio for two years. Things were going well. Parties, weekends on yachts, blah, blah. Then she gave an interview with GQ where she discussed what it’s like to hang with Leo. Then she said she wants 4 kids.

“Ha! That never happens. Never. I make plans—I never just do nothing. A weekend off?! Let’s go somewhere. Let’s fly somewhere,” she says. “I kind of know one day I’ll have responsibilities and not be able to do this. But I don’t have a dog. I don’t even have a plant. I have nothing to take care of, which I love. One day I want it to be different, of course.” One day meaning kids, which she has already daydreamed about: “I’m a family person, and I always wanted four kids. But we’ll see. We’ll start with one at some point, I don’t know.”

Leonardo’s response: Bye, Felicia. I know women who get in relationships then give the dude a date on when he’s supposed to marry her and get her pregnant, then get sad when they get dumped. Classic rookie mistake. Or they’re just over 30. So basically every woman. Stop doing that, ladies.

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Leonardo DiCaprio Is Banging Every Chick At Art Basel

Based on the law of averages, Leonardo DiCaprio banged at least one of these women in this gallery

 

Leonardo DiCaprio has been dating model Toni Garnn, and I say “dating” because she probably thinks they’re dating, but he told her she could go to Art Basel if she wanted, she could just go without him. Because he was going by himself. To bang everything in sight.

After Confidenti@l spotted the “Wolf of Wall Street” star partying with a large group, including Brandon Davis and Joe Jonas, at the popup version of 1 Oak at Rec Room in South Beach, Leo left the club with every single girl partying in his VIP section, a spy tells us. “He left with 20 girls. Leo and 20 girls. He is my hero,” our awestruck snitch says. “He was overflowing with models everywhere.

When you’re partying with Leo, there’s always a pussy overflow that you’ll have to deal with, and apparently Joe Jonas couldn’t handle it, even though Nick Jonas is attempting to overcompensate for the whole gay family

The Jonas brother looked scared, like he was going to drown and suffocate in the women. His face was hilarious.”

Look, regardless of where we stand on religious and political issues, I think we can all agree that Leonardo DiCaprio deserves his own federal holiday and have his penis etched into Mt. Rushmore.

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Leonardo DiCaprio Never Banged Kate Winslet
Leonardo DiCaprio Never Banged Kate Winslet

 

Hey, remember when Titanic came out and it was in theaters for like a legit year? Then is came back to theaters again? That’s partly your fault. The movie made Leonardo DiCaprio into an international movie star and made Kate Winslet that chick from Titanic and some other stuff. So in the Marie Claire U.K.’s November issue, Kate Winslet reveals that she and DiCaprio never banged in real life. Probably because he only bangs Victoria’s Secret models and she was kinda fat in Titanic.

“I think the reason that friendship works is because there was never any romantic thing,” Winslet said. “It’s so disappointing for people to hear that, because in the soap opera of the Kate and Leo story we fell in love at first sight and had a million snogs, but actually we never did. He always saw me as one of the boys. I’ve never really been a girly-girl.” The duo has, however, remained very close friends since starring in 1997’s “Titanic.” DiCaprio even walked Winslet down the aisle at her 2012 wedding.

If you remember what Kate Winslet looked like in the 90s, it’s easy to see why Leonardo DiCaprio basically friend zoned her from the jump. He was really sweet and now they’re friends, because he faked drowned in a movie because there wasn’t any room left on that board for him with while her ass was on it.

 

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Here’s Leonardo DiCaprio Dancing At Coachella
Here’s Leonardo DiCaprio Dancing At Coachella

 

Leonardo DiCaprio wanted to remain anonymous at Coachella and this video of him dancing is probably why. He'd look more coordinated if he walked into a downed power line.

 

 

pic source = this person

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‘The Wolf of Wall Street’ Has More F*%ks Than Any Other Movie Ever
‘The Wolf of Wall Street’ Has More F*%ks Than Any Other Movie Ever

 

506 times. The word "f**k" is said in The Wolf Of Wall Street 506 times. That's 2.8 times a minute. Variety reports:

Martin Scorsese’s “The Wolf of Wall Street” is all about excess. From orgies on a plane to cocaine and cash (or “fun coupons” as Leonardo DiCaprio’s character calls them), the financial drama thrives in taking it up a notch. So it should be no surprise that Paramount’s R-rated film sets the all-time record for the use of the f-word. According to Wikipedia, the word “fuck” is used 506 times over “The Wolf of Wall Street’s” 180-minute running time. Previously, the record for a non-documentary was Spike Lee’s 1999 film “Summer of Sam” with 435 instances. “Wolf of Wall Street” isn’t the first time Scorsese, 72,  has dabbled in the profane. The Oscar-winning director has two other projects in the f-word top 20, including “Casino” (422) and “Goodfellas” (300).

I'm surpised a Quentin Tarantino movie doesn't hold this record because the f-word is his second favorite word behind the n-word. I'm also pretty surprised this record hasn't been broken by a guy who has to play the romantic love interest in a Sarah Jessica Parker movie. But I guess you can't count them if they're not in the script and just screamed into a pillow.

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Leonardo DiCaprio Is 39 Today

While Cameron Diaz looks like she died then got cursed by a witch then brought back to life at 41, Leonardo DiCaprio turned 39 today. It's pretty cold outside to celebrate a birthday, but at least his hands are warm because there's a 98% chance he's wrist deep in two Victoria's Secret models. They want to give him a present by paying for their own cab fare.

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Leonardo DiCaprio Is Banging Yet Another Victoria’s Secret Model

According to Lainey Gossip, Leonardo DiCaprio spent the weekend with Victoria's Secret model Toni Garrn, because apparently the dart he threw landed on her name on the "VICTORIA'S SECRET MODELS I HAVEN'T RAN UP IN YET" poster that DiCaprio has on his wall. He had to throw a few times because most of the names have been marked out.

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Cameron Diaz Probably Wished They Used A Filter

Cameron Diaz and Leonardo DiCaprio atteneded the Tag Hauer Yacht Party this weekend, and if you're still on the fence about whether men age better than women, one of these people is 39 and bangs Victoria's Secret Models and the other is 40 and seems to be victim of a gypsy curse. I'll let you decide which one is which.

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