DiCaprio Is Still Banging Nina Agdal
DiCaprio Is Still Banging Nina Agdal


Apparently #HappyHeteroSexualPrideDay is trending because we’ve had to hide in the shadows for too long in fear of persecution. So let’s all celebrate. I think it was started by this recent virgin. I’m sure his wife is concerned about all the false flag attacks on her vagina. She also probably doesn’t get loud as the brand suggests. Anyway, we’re here to talk about America’s favorite heterosexual, Leonardo DiCaprio

Leo DiCaprio and his latest blond model girlfriend, Nina Agdal, are on a romantic trip to the Bahamas, even though his reps have denied they’re dating. The Oscar winner and Danish Sports Illustrated model have been spending time in the Bahamas, and visited the private island of Over Yonder Cay, which rents at an astonishing $75,000 per night with a minimum seven-night stay.

Astonishing. When you can drop half a million for a week vacation in the Bahamas, it should be assumed that a Sports Illustrated model is included in the price. If not, I’m not sure why anyone would bother. Instagram likes?


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Leonardo DiCaprio Is Banging This Now
 

A photo posted by Ela Kawalec (@ela.kawalec) on



BREAKING: Leonardo DiCaprio is having sex with a model. 

Leo DiCaprio was out with yet another blond model on his arm Wednesday night. DiCaprio showed up to Bodega Negra with a posse of six, including Polish model Ela Kawalec. The pack later celebrated Tao group partner Jonathan Schwartz’s birthday at Marquee, where, according to a spy, they appeared “couply. They were dancing. Leo was dancing with her in his arms and canoodling. They were doing their thing, bumping and grinding.”

Best part of the story imo:

A source close to ­DiCaprio told us it was just a typical night out for the star.

Look, now I realize this girl is no Jenny Slate. She’s probably not “quirky” or “funny” or “recently divorced” or “objectively good-looking” (Jesus, calm the hell down, Salon), but she is an Elite model with huge tits. That generally works for most people. 


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Leonardo DiCaprio Can Relax Now
Leonardo DiCaprio Can Relax Now


Leonardo DiCaprio got his Oscar. He also used his acceptance speech to address climate change. I guess this is the part where Breitbart and The Blaze mention something about his private jet, because that’s the real problem. He should ride in a horse and buggy next time, because I bet that will stop it. Much like abstinence. 



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Leonardo DiCaprio Left A London Club With Four Blondes
Leonardo DiCaprio Left A London Club With Four Blondes


“Slow down. You ladies remember to breathe, now.” 


Leonardo DiCaprio and Kelly Rohrbach split two months after one of her friends (I’m assuming)  told OK!  they were engaged. Since then, he’s been “busy”, scared by Lady Gaga, won a Golden Globe, and nominated for an Oscar. He also went to London for the premiere of The Revenant last night. Then he went to a club. The Sun reports: 

The Oscar-nominated actor, 41, wasted no time in hunting out the capital’s hottest talent, partying at celeb hotspot Libertine for two hours before finishing the night with his new lady friends.  Leo lured his latest conquests with a measly £500 bottle of Magnum vodka but had some additional help from his pal Lukas Haas, 39, whom he starred in Hollywood blockbuster Inception with.  A club source said: “The girls all fitted Leo’s impeccable taste in women – they were very pretty, tall and had bleach-blonde hair.” “It wasn’t long before he was taking the girls back to Claridge’s where he’s staying while promoting new film The Revenant.”

Like, if you’re DiCaprio, what purpose does it serve to even have a girlfriend? Or learn woman’s name? Just call their number. They’ll hold it over their head once they hear it. It’s not really that difficult. 


Kelly Rohrbach was at the Golden Globes. That was probably awkward. To her credit, that fake smile is on point. You can see her in a bikini here if that makes you feel more comfortable. 


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Lady Gaga Scared The Shit Out Of Leonardo DiCaprio At The Golden Globes
Lady Gaga Scared The Shit Out Of Leonardo DiCaprio At The Golden Globes


Not only did Leonardo DiCaprio win Best Actor at the Golden Globes tonight, he also won Best Reaction To Lady Gaga Winning An Acting Award For Some Reason IDK. In his defense, Lady Gaga is like 250 pounds more than he’s used to touching. He probably thought she was that bear. 




[ h/t Dlisted ]

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Leonardo DiCaprio Is Single Again
Leonardo DiCaprio Is Single Again


Give Leonardo DiCaprio some credit. He strung Kelly Rohrbach along for almost a year. Good for her. 

The Golden Globe nominee has officially called it quits with his model girlfriend, Kelly Rohrbach, after several months of dating. According to a source, the pair split a few months ago.  “This is a really busy time for both of them,” the source said. “They are both just so busy that it was hard to make a relationship work.”

And by “really busy” they mean Leonardo is preparing his Oscar speech while banging this in St. Barths for the last week. 


 

Flames

A photo posted by Jessica Strother (@jessicaannstrother) on



Meanwhile, Kelly Rohrbach is in the Baywatch remake as Kinda Bouncing Girl #2


 

Time to get my slow mo on. Get it together @therock #BAYWATCH

A video posted by @kellyrohrbach on



Go with God, Leo, you sly fox.  


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The Was No DiCaprio Bear Rape
The Was No DiCaprio Bear Rape


I saw the “Leonardo DiCaprio got raped by a bear on set of The Revenant” thing yesterday and legit thought it was from The Onion. Apparently it was The Drudge Report. And they said he was raped twice. And people with a six-month supply of tin foil in their bunker believed that? Huh. Like, Fox had to actually release a statement saying Leonardo DiCaprio wasn’t raped by a bear.

On Tuesday, the Internet exploded following a report that Oscar-winning director Alejandro González Iñárritu included a sequence in his new film, The Revenant, where Leonardo DiCaprio’s character is raped by a bear. Not so fast, says the film’s studio.  “As anyone who has seen the movie can attest, the bear in the film is a female who attacks Hugh Glass because she feels he might be threatening her cubs,” a Fox spokesperson told Entertainment Weekly in an exclusive statement. “There is clearly no rape scene with a bear.”

I don’t know what happens when you get raped by a bear, but if he rapes you twice, wouldn’t you need like a long break in between? It seems like you would considering bears probably have gigantic penises and at some point they take the bear away and he’d have to escape, somehow get your hospital room number from a nurse, then come to your room and rape you again. I feel that would take up a lot of time. They wouldn’t let the crew just stand around doing nothing for that long. Doesn’t make financial sense.


DiCaprio is having sex with this though.


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Leonardo DiCaprio Is Trying To Buy His Oscar For ‘The Revenant’

The production of Alejandro G. Inarritu’s follow-up to Birdman, The Revenant, has already been described as “a living hell“, and the $60M budget, that jumped to $95M in pre-production, quickly turned into $165M. Although 20th Century Fox is distributing the film, they refused to finance it because they were “worried about the commercial prospects of a bleak, violent movie starring two handsome actors whose famous faces would be obscured by grimy beards”. Also, apparently the movie doesn’t have any women in it except for what you see in the trailer. With all that said, New Regency has already sank $165M into a movie about a fur trader, what’s a couple million more to get Leonardo DiCaprio an Oscar?

One knowledgeable insider claimed that New Regency has hired “every awards consultant known to man” to strategize an Oscar campaign for “The Revenant” — evidence of the studio’s emphasis on awards prestige which have also been known to boost a film’s box office prospects.

Look, I love Leonardo DiCaprio. Everybody loves DiCaprio. He doesn’t make a bad movie and has worked with practically every living legend director and he’s only 40. But the dude looks at Victoria’s Secret catalogs like we look at menus. Does he really need an Oscar? What more does he want? New Regency might as well spend this money to discover a crystal that gives him three dicks.



(h/t Lainey Gossip)

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Leonardo DiCaprio Doesn’t Share Weed

Miley Cyrus was on The Tonight Show last night and talked about the time Leonardo DiCaprio didn’t share his weed at SNL 40 this past February.

“I was 20 feet, 15 feet from Leonardo DiCaprio, sitting there with his mom,” Miley recounted. “He was hitting a vape pen. But it wasn’t him that was making me kinda nervous — I was feeling this emotion because there’s an etiquacy [sic] of, when we’re there, that you pass that s**t Leo! And he never did, so that was weird to me.”

Of course Leo vapes. I don’t know why we all didn’t just assume that before. He owns a Tesla and tries to free tigers. The man vapes. Also, did you know that the Oregon shooter is a CONFIRMED MUSLIM because he had a connection with one Muslim guy on MySpace? That’s pretty concerning. Especially since I have a friend on Facebook who saw Furious 7 three times in the theater. I’d like to publicly state that I don’t nor will I ever condone such actions.

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