While Cameron Diaz looks like she died then got cursed by a witch then brought back to life at 41, Leonardo DiCaprio turned 39 today. It's pretty cold outside to celebrate a birthday, but at least his hands are warm because there's a 98% chance he's wrist deep in two Victoria's Secret models. They want to give him a present by paying for their own cab fare.
According to Lainey Gossip, Leonardo DiCaprio spent the weekend with Victoria's Secret model Toni Garrn, because apparently the dart he threw landed on her name on the "VICTORIA'S SECRET MODELS I HAVEN'T RAN UP IN YET" poster that DiCaprio has on his wall. He had to throw a few times because most of the names have been marked out.
Cameron Diaz and Leonardo DiCaprio atteneded the Tag Hauer Yacht Party this weekend, and if you're still on the fence about whether men age better than women, one of these people is 39 and bangs Victoria's Secret Models and the other is 40 and seems to be victim of a gypsy curse. I'll let you decide which one is which.
Yeah. I really don't understand this either. Page Six reports:
It was a long night out for some of the city’s biggest A-listers, who seem to be forming a modern-day Rat Pack. Leonardo DiCaprio was spotted hanging out with Axl Rose at Catch Roof on Monday at a table along with Tobey Maguire, Jonah Hill and Michael K. Williams. “They were seated at a VIP table surrounded by tons of security,” says a spy. “They looked like a modern-day Rat Pack.” Earlier, another witness saw Rose enjoying dinner at the eatery with “a harem of ladies,” and was overheard discussing plans to, somewhat alarmingly, “buy a tiger.”
Leonardo, Axl, Emo Spider-Man, The Fat Guy, and Omar Little. At a VIP table together. And Axl Rose is the one getting all the ass. I'm going back to bed.
Because he’s been acting since he was a teenager and therefore has no concept of what a real job is, Leonardo DiCaprio is taking a break from acting. Because standing where someone else tells you to and saying lines someone else wrote is just SO TIRING. SFGate reports:
Leonardo DiCaprio has decided to take a break from acting because filming three movies in two years has left him exhausted…DiCaprio insists that after such a busy year, fans will have to wait a long time before they see him in another picture. He tells Germany’s Bild, “I’m a little bit drained. I am now going to take a long, long break.” When asked about plans for his hiatus, DiCaprio suggested he plans to focus on his love of environmental activism, adding, “I would like to improve the world a bit.”
Yes, one of the sexiest men in the world wants to take some time off to improve it a little bit. That is obviously code for impregnating as many supermodels as possible, because if there is one thing that will make the earth a nicer place it is dozens of incredibly beautiful babies. Thank you for your selflessness, Leo.
Last month, Leonardo DiCaprio dumped Victoria’s Secret Model Erin Heatherton because he was bored (yes, that was the official reason), and by “bored” they meant, “he’s up in Margot Robbie now”. I hope that clears everything up. Daily Mail reports
It looks like Leo has found romance again – this time with gorgeous Australian actress Margot Robbie. The young blonde beauty and Titanic heartthrob Leonardo DiCaprio are currently filming The Wolf Of Wall Street together, and first met on the set. A source told the New York Post that Leo had ‘stayed overnight’ at 22-year-old Margot’s New York City apartment last week. She plays Nadine Belfort, his character Jordan’s love interest. And the development in their relationship isn’t unexpected – the pair were first seen looking very happy in each others company last month, when Margot joined Leo to celebrate his 38th birthday.
I’m not sure what’s in his will, but if I was Leonardo, I have my penis dipped in gold and displayed in a museum after I died with a plaque that said “Vagina Master Key (1997-2052)” or something like that.
Leonardo DiCaprio‘s penis roams the Earth like a roaring lion seeking to penetrate every Victoria’s Secret model, so it’s not surprising when the news broke last week that he dumped Erin Heatherton. Did she cheat on him? Did they not have good communication? Did they have different political views? Not really. He just got tired of fucking her Chicago Times reports:
When it comes to Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriends, they may be endearing, but they’re seldom enduring. The latest lovely to exit the superstar’s life is Skokie native and Niles North grad Erin Heatherton — a major supermodel, cover girl and famous Victoria’s Secret “Angel.” The duo reportedly have split very amicably — which is almost always the way DiCaprio breaks things off. “With Leo, there rarely is any big drama or ugly scene,” said a longtime friend of the actor Sunday. “Leo is a total gentleman, but when it comes to women, he just gets, well, bored. He’s a very bright guy and so far, with the exception of maybe [ex-girlfriends] Bar [Rafaeli] and Giselle [Bundchen], he often finds he loses interest pretty quickly. You can only keep interested because of the sexual attraction for so long.”
I know people who have unattractive wives or girlfriends have to believe that DiCaprio is gay and they will voice that opinion in the comments. They might also say Erin Heatherton is too skinny and needs a sandwich. They might also record a lot of Bravo on their DVR.
Quentin Tarantino‘s new Slaves Gone Wild movie, Django Unchained has a new trailer, and I really don’t think I’ve been this excited to see a movie. Besides The Dark Knight and the James Bond remake I made with my cat, this will be one of the best movies ever made.
Titanic came out on Blu-Ray yesterday, and one of the million extras was Kate Winslet‘s screen test with Jeremy Sisto. Yes, the dude from Clueless and….not really sure. Bleeding Cool reports:
As Titanic is being released on Blu-ray today, a lot of archive material is creeping out of the cupboards. The most engaging piece I’ve seen so far is this screen test for Kate Winslet. For the purposes of this test, Jack is being played by Jeremy Sisto, latterly of May and Law & Order. You’ll barely notice he’s there though – Winslet leaves absolutely no doubt as to why she won the part.
I don’t even know Jeremy Sisto, but damn. Sorry about ya luck, bro. Leonardo DiCaprio boarded the Titanic and became a worldwide superstar tearing through supermodel pussy and one brilliant film after the next. You joined Law & Order in its final season and kissed Alicia Silverstone in 1995. I guess I’m just surprised you weren’t holding hands with Tony Scott when he jumped off that bridge.
Here’s Erin Heatherton. The 23-year old VS model that Leo is banging because she probably saw Titanic 40 times in the theater like the rest of you.
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