Leonardo DiCaprio Left A London Club With Four Blondes
Leonardo DiCaprio Left A London Club With Four Blondes


“Slow down. You ladies remember to breathe, now.” 


Leonardo DiCaprio and Kelly Rohrbach split two months after one of her friends (I’m assuming)  told OK!  they were engaged. Since then, he’s been “busy”, scared by Lady Gaga, won a Golden Globe, and nominated for an Oscar. He also went to London for the premiere of The Revenant last night. Then he went to a club. The Sun reports: 

The Oscar-nominated actor, 41, wasted no time in hunting out the capital’s hottest talent, partying at celeb hotspot Libertine for two hours before finishing the night with his new lady friends.  Leo lured his latest conquests with a measly £500 bottle of Magnum vodka but had some additional help from his pal Lukas Haas, 39, whom he starred in Hollywood blockbuster Inception with.  A club source said: “The girls all fitted Leo’s impeccable taste in women – they were very pretty, tall and had bleach-blonde hair.” “It wasn’t long before he was taking the girls back to Claridge’s where he’s staying while promoting new film The Revenant.”

Like, if you’re DiCaprio, what purpose does it serve to even have a girlfriend? Or learn woman’s name? Just call their number. They’ll hold it over their head once they hear it. It’s not really that difficult. 


Kelly Rohrbach was at the Golden Globes. That was probably awkward. To her credit, that fake smile is on point. You can see her in a bikini here if that makes you feel more comfortable. 


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Lady Gaga Scared The Shit Out Of Leonardo DiCaprio At The Golden Globes
Lady Gaga Scared The Shit Out Of Leonardo DiCaprio At The Golden Globes


Not only did Leonardo DiCaprio win Best Actor at the Golden Globes tonight, he also won Best Reaction To Lady Gaga Winning An Acting Award For Some Reason IDK. In his defense, Lady Gaga is like 250 pounds more than he’s used to touching. He probably thought she was that bear. 




[ h/t Dlisted ]

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Leonardo DiCaprio Is Single Again
Leonardo DiCaprio Is Single Again


Give Leonardo DiCaprio some credit. He strung Kelly Rohrbach along for almost a year. Good for her. 

The Golden Globe nominee has officially called it quits with his model girlfriend, Kelly Rohrbach, after several months of dating. According to a source, the pair split a few months ago.  “This is a really busy time for both of them,” the source said. “They are both just so busy that it was hard to make a relationship work.”

And by “really busy” they mean Leonardo is preparing his Oscar speech while banging this in St. Barths for the last week. 


 

Flames

A photo posted by Jessica Strother (@jessicaannstrother) on



Meanwhile, Kelly Rohrbach is in the Baywatch remake as Kinda Bouncing Girl #2


 

Time to get my slow mo on. Get it together @therock #BAYWATCH

A video posted by @kellyrohrbach on



Go with God, Leo, you sly fox.  


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The Was No DiCaprio Bear Rape
The Was No DiCaprio Bear Rape


I saw the “Leonardo DiCaprio got raped by a bear on set of The Revenant” thing yesterday and legit thought it was from The Onion. Apparently it was The Drudge Report. And they said he was raped twice. And people with a six-month supply of tin foil in their bunker believed that? Huh. Like, Fox had to actually release a statement saying Leonardo DiCaprio wasn’t raped by a bear.

On Tuesday, the Internet exploded following a report that Oscar-winning director Alejandro González Iñárritu included a sequence in his new film, The Revenant, where Leonardo DiCaprio’s character is raped by a bear. Not so fast, says the film’s studio.  “As anyone who has seen the movie can attest, the bear in the film is a female who attacks Hugh Glass because she feels he might be threatening her cubs,” a Fox spokesperson told Entertainment Weekly in an exclusive statement. “There is clearly no rape scene with a bear.”

I don’t know what happens when you get raped by a bear, but if he rapes you twice, wouldn’t you need like a long break in between? It seems like you would considering bears probably have gigantic penises and at some point they take the bear away and he’d have to escape, somehow get your hospital room number from a nurse, then come to your room and rape you again. I feel that would take up a lot of time. They wouldn’t let the crew just stand around doing nothing for that long. Doesn’t make financial sense.


DiCaprio is having sex with this though.


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Leonardo DiCaprio Is Trying To Buy His Oscar For ‘The Revenant’

The production of Alejandro G. Inarritu’s follow-up to Birdman, The Revenant, has already been described as “a living hell“, and the $60M budget, that jumped to $95M in pre-production, quickly turned into $165M. Although 20th Century Fox is distributing the film, they refused to finance it because they were “worried about the commercial prospects of a bleak, violent movie starring two handsome actors whose famous faces would be obscured by grimy beards”. Also, apparently the movie doesn’t have any women in it except for what you see in the trailer. With all that said, New Regency has already sank $165M into a movie about a fur trader, what’s a couple million more to get Leonardo DiCaprio an Oscar?

One knowledgeable insider claimed that New Regency has hired “every awards consultant known to man” to strategize an Oscar campaign for “The Revenant” — evidence of the studio’s emphasis on awards prestige which have also been known to boost a film’s box office prospects.

Look, I love Leonardo DiCaprio. Everybody loves DiCaprio. He doesn’t make a bad movie and has worked with practically every living legend director and he’s only 40. But the dude looks at Victoria’s Secret catalogs like we look at menus. Does he really need an Oscar? What more does he want? New Regency might as well spend this money to discover a crystal that gives him three dicks.



(h/t Lainey Gossip)

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Leonardo DiCaprio Doesn’t Share Weed

Miley Cyrus was on The Tonight Show last night and talked about the time Leonardo DiCaprio didn’t share his weed at SNL 40 this past February.

“I was 20 feet, 15 feet from Leonardo DiCaprio, sitting there with his mom,” Miley recounted. “He was hitting a vape pen. But it wasn’t him that was making me kinda nervous — I was feeling this emotion because there’s an etiquacy [sic] of, when we’re there, that you pass that s**t Leo! And he never did, so that was weird to me.”

Of course Leo vapes. I don’t know why we all didn’t just assume that before. He owns a Tesla and tries to free tigers. The man vapes. Also, did you know that the Oregon shooter is a CONFIRMED MUSLIM because he had a connection with one Muslim guy on MySpace? That’s pretty concerning. Especially since I have a friend on Facebook who saw Furious 7 three times in the theater. I’d like to publicly state that I don’t nor will I ever condone such actions.

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So Leonardo DiCaprio Is Banging This Now

Leonardo DiCaprio‘s dick is the real MVP.

Leo DiCaprio certainly has a type. The actor, who recently split with blond model Toni Garrn, was spotted getting very close to blond model Kelly Rohrbach at LA club 1Oak, before being seen again with the beauty at another club days later. Rohrbach is this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition “Rookie of the Year,” which makes her even more likely to be a Leo love interest — his ex-girlfriend, blond model Bar Refaeli, was SI’s 2007 “Rookie of the Year.”

Kelly Rohrbach turns 25 in October, so obviously her days with Leo are numbered, so all she has to do is not mention marriage or think about marriage or look at anything with marriage in the title or touch a wedding dress or watch a tv show about a wedding dress and don’t throw rice or look at rice or eat rice or google rice or post anything to pintrest or look at anything on pintrest and don’t let DiCaprio see anybody hotter and she should be good. Congrats to her!

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DiCaprio Made Out With A Blonde Model In Front Of Rihanna

Hey, remember when Leonardo DiCaprio was banging Rihanna then she said he should drop a few pounds? Good times, good times.

DiCaprio was spotted hanging with a blonde model at 1Oak in L.A. on Saturday, February 7 — and they were definitely more than friends. “They were making out,” an insider tells Radar, and they didn’t care who saw — even though Rihanna was only feet away! “Rihanna was at the owner, Richie Akiva’s table, downstairs,” an insider tells Radar exclusively. “Leo was at a separate table. He had his own by the DJ booth.”

Rihanna wasn’t called put for her body shaming, but I’m almost certain that it hurt Leonardo DiCaprio’s feelings so much that he developed an eating disorder and felt pressure by the media with the proliferation of the Magic Mike II trailer. He probably hid food under his bed while he scrolled through Tumblr quotes about inner beauty. lol jk he banged another model.

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Rihanna Has Been Banging DiCaprio For Years

Rihanna is technically a model, and if you don’t consider her a model, she’s hotter that 80% of models, so naturally Leonardo DiCaprio’s penis has been inside her 80% of the way for years apparently.

We know that Leo and RiRi have had a flirty few weeks since they were spotted together on New Years Eve but apparently, the two have been hooking up for years according to Us. That would mean that Rihanna was sneaking around behind Chris Brown and Drake’s back to secretly hook up with Leo — yikes! Leo also had a relationship with Toni Garn during this time…”After his breakup, Leo started texting Rihanna again. They decided to have some fun,” a source said. “Neither one is looking to make this anything more than fun. He’s into her, and they’re enjoying it.”

Not only do Leonardo DiCaprio and Rihanna have life completely figured out, but when DiCaprio dies, his penis should have its own monument.

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Taylor Swift Is Texting Leonardo DiCaprio “Non-Stop”

Apparently Taylor Swift doesn’t enjoy scissoring as much as I hoped, because she’s supposedly texting  Leonardo DiCaprio non-stop. And she’s probably sending him pics of the wrong kind of kitties. Oh, Taylor.

Despite a recent drop in model percentage at the party that is Leonardo DiCaprio’s life, the cargo-shorted film star has been enjoying endless summer for years now, answering to no one but his own beard. Taylor Swift, who sang a song at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show one time but is not a model, is reportedly prepared to destroy all of that. The National Enquirer claims that Tayla has picked Leo as her “next conquest,” going so far as to have her manager arrange an interview with him so she can “put him to the test.” The boyfriend test. According to the Enquirer, Tay has been texting Leo, or someone she believes to be Leo, “non-stop.” Leo will be her next boyfriend, and they will watch Titanic together every night with her cats and she will never let go, reportedly.

Look, I would bang Taylor Swift retarded, but I really haven’t spent most of my adult life picking things out of the Victoria’s Secret catalog that weren’t for sale. If Leonardo wanted to bang a hot 25-year old, he could drive his yacht to the source. South Africa or Brazil, not Lena Dunham’s book club ans artisanal cheese parties.

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