Lena Dunham Was Moved By Viola Davis’ Emmy Speech, Not Really
Lena Dunham Was Moved By Viola Davis’ Emmy Speech, Not Really


Last night, Viola Davis become the fist black woman in the 67 year history of the Emmys to win Lead Actress in a Drama series for her role in How To Get Away With Murder, then proceeded to give the speech of the night. Man, what a great time for self-proclaimed feminist Lena Dunham to applaud and cheer the historic occasion. Wait, no not really. Take it away, Lena. Show us that liberal feminism at work.


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Justin Bieber’s Not Trying To Rape You, Girl
Justin Bieber’s Not Trying To Rape You, Girl


Two days before he cried at the VMAs, Justin Bieber released, “What Do You Mean?”, the lead new single off his fourth studio album. Wait, fourth? Fuck. Anyway here’s a line in the song:  “When you nod your head yes/But you want to say no/What do you mean?” So is Justin saying the girl doesn’t really want to go to the restaurant he just mentioned or is he trying to rape her. Let’s get Lena Dunham‘s hot take to be sure. 

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Sarah Palin Is Still Doing The Lena Dunham Comparison Thing

Since Christian conservatives can’t hold two separate ideas at the same time (did you know Caitlyn Jenner and a soldier can be heroes? Haha, I know! It’s crazy!) unless it’s Jesus being a proponent of the Second Amendment, you can’t really expect them to understand complexity and nuance when it comes to a certain issue, because instead of using reason and logic, they can’t really see anything other their own agenda while convincing themselves that MSNBC wants to burn Christians at the stake instead of, you know, forcing them to acknowledge their own hypocrisy. Sarah Palin remains relevant because she appeals to the lowest common denominator of people who think Ayn Rand and Jesus are the same person. So being the compassionate Christian she is, she took to Facebook to write an unhinged rant about how Josh Duggar and his family are the target of the liberal media and to remind you that Lena Dunham is the REAL pedophile. This was her opener:

HEY LENA, WHY NOT LAUGH OFF EVERYONE’S SEXUAL “EXPERIMENTS” AS YOU HAUGHTILY ENJOY REWARDS FOR YOUR OWN PERVERSION? YOU PEDOPHILE, YOU Radical liberals in media who have total control over public narratives are disgusting hypocrites…

I could reasonably end this here, because if you agree with Sarah Palin and believe and support Jim Bob Duggar‘s version of events, Lena Dunham can’t be considered a pedophile because she was 7. Jim Bob says Josh Duggar can’t be considered a pedophile, because you have to be 16. Josh was  14. I know, I know. Logic and reason. Liberals can work on technicalities as well. Sorry bout it. Anyway, here’s the story that Lena Dunham told in her book, which if you’re homeschooled, might make you think she’s an unrepentant sexual predator:

“Do we all have uteruses?” I asked my mother when I was seven. “Yes,” she told me. “We’re born with them, and with all our eggs, but they start out very small. And they aren’t ready to make babies until we’re older.” I look at my sister, now a slim, tough one-year-old, and at her tiny belly. I imagined her eggs inside her, like the sack of spider eggs in Charlotte’s Web, and her uterus, the size of a thimble. “Does her vagina look like mine?” “I guess so,” my mother said. “Just smaller.” One day, as I sat in our driveway in Long Island playing with blocks and buckets, my curiosity got the best of me. Grace was sitting up, babbling and smiling, and I leaned down between her legs and carefully spread open her vagina. She didn’t resist and when I saw what was inside I shrieked. My mother came running. “Mama, Mama! Grace has something in there!” My mother didn’t bother asking why I had opened Grace’s vagina. This was within the spectrum of things I did. She just got on her knees and looked for herself. It quickly became apparent that Grace had stuffed six or seven pebbles in there. My mother removed them patiently while Grace cackled, thrilled that her prank had been a success.

Now, if you read that and believe that a 7-year old girl thinking, “Oh, I have one, let’s see if my sister has one too. She does. Weird”, and a 14-year old boy who molested five girls while they may or may not have been asleep are the same thing, then please be real with yourself for you reasons for doing so. Here’s a hint: You don’t care about Josh Duggar’s victims. You’re politicizing child molestation, because somebody who you thought was on your team lost. Back to Sarah:

I’m not defending the Duggar boy’s obvious wrongdoing over a decade ago. The main victim in any story like this isn’t the perpetrator, it’s the innocent ones so harmfully affected. I’m not an apologist for any sexual predator, but I’m sickened that the media gives their chosen ones a pass for any behavior as long as they share their leftwing politics.

If you start a sentence with “I’m not defending the Duggar boy’s obvious wrongdoing” then blame the media, you’re defending the Duggar boy. Next.

The Duggar debate needs to shift from solely the boy’s obvious wrongdoing when he was 14 years old to now include:

1) The shocking, unethical leak of a private, legally protected counseling document by a politically motivated law enforcement official. Media – time to go after her or him for illegalities and for destroying the public’s trust in law enforcement.

2) The media’s hell-bent mission to go after the entire Duggar family for one member’s wrongdoing, while giving a total pass to perverted actions of someone like Lena Dunham – or any other leftwinger celeb caught doing awful things. Remember reports of the pedophile billionaire our former democrat president has been friends with and hung out with on the pedophile’s “orgy island” full of underage girls?

Okay, 1) Turns out when you wait 4 years after the offender committed the crimes and he’s an adult when the report is filed making him an adult suspect, sorry, the shit is no longer sealed and available to anyone via the FOI. You know, the thing you used to try to prove Obama was a Kenyan socialist alien from Planet Nigra X.

2) The entire Duggar family? Nah. Just the parents, who as homeschool teachers, were required to be mandatory reporters, but waited four years to skirt the statute of limitations. Duggars love skirts. And if you think Jessa laid awake at night scared that the liberal media was gonna try to sneak in and finger her, ask her. You might be surprised by her answer. Look, Woody Allen? Pedophile. Roman Polanski? Pedophile. The guy who married Pocahontas? Pedophile. Michael Jackson? Fucking King Of Pedophiles. Lena Dunham? Not so much. So if you want to compare, at least get one that makes sense. Also, again, in closing. Sup, Jessa? wyd?

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Here’s Lena Dunham In Lingerie For Some Reason
Here’s Lena Dunham In Lingerie For Some Reason

 

I just realized I’m posting this picture of fat ass Lena Dunham in lingerie as soon as your lunch break is about to start, so sorry about that. People are calling this “fearless” and hailing this as brave for showing what a “real” body looks like. Weird. Because Taylor Swift and Mirand Kerr have real bodies as well. I haven’t checked, but I assume they weren’t made in a lab to be tools of the patriarchy. I tried not to focus to much on this picture, because I might vomit, but that kinda forced me to look at that toilet paper roll on the sink and me realize she probably got it Costco since she obviously goes through a lot.

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Lena Dunham Is Super Into Fitness
Lena Dunham Is Super Into Fitness

 

Lena Dunham posted this picture on Instagram yesterday, and I guess the only question I have is, “Why?”. Seriously, why?

Late to @tracyandersonmethod & forgot my workout clothes so had to snag a size large bra and size small pants (wrong in myriad ways.) But do we soldier on? Yes, yes we do because we want to be a strong & happy lady #largebrasmallpantscantlose

I’m not really sure what workout routine she’s doing, but maybe she should Google something else. Maybe something like, “not eating” or “780 day water fast” or “why does my mom still cut my hair?” or “how can I borrow the Chinese kid who does Kim Kardashian’s photoshop app” or “why is Todd still writing this since he has to look at this picture?” *HITS PUBLISH*

 

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Lena Dunham Wore This To The Golden Globes

Girls didn't win shit last night, and to the further embarrassment of HBO, Lena Dunham showed up in this dress. I can't tell if she looks like a Costco crate of peanut M&M's or if she ate one on the way there.

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Lena Dunham Compared The Characters On ‘Girls’ To Walter White
Lena Dunham Compared The Characters On ‘Girls’ To Walter White

 

For some unknown reason, despite plummeting ratings and Lena Dunham naked in every episode, HBO has renewed Girls for a third season. So at the 2014 Winter TCA Press Tour yesterday, Lena Dunham and executive producer Judd Apatow were left to defend the decison, because outside of the HBO bubble, every character on the show is a self-absorbed, horrible human being with no reedeemable qualities. Also, Lena Dunham is naked a lot. But don't worry about how far Lena Dunham's head is up her own huge ass, because she compared the character of Hannah to the possibly the greatest charatcer in the history of television, Breaking Bad's Walter White. Yeah, you read that right. E! News reports:
 

But it wasn't all renewal news and tacos as an awkward moment during the Girls panel occurred when a male reporter said he didn't get all the nudity on the show, particularly with Dunham's character, and asked the creator and star why she's constantly naked. "Do you have a girlfriend?" executive producer Judd Apatow asked the reporter. "Does she like you?" He later added, "This guy looks in the mirror and feels bad about what he sees." (Executive producer Jenni Konner later said the reporter's comment send her into "a rage spiral.") For her part, Dunham stressed that the constant nudity on the show is "a real human expression" and said, "If you're not into me, that's your  Dunham also defended her polarizing character Hannah, the flawed but oh-so-watchable writer, for being unlikable to some viewers, saying, "People ask 'How can you sympathize with [Hannah],' and I'm like, 'You seem to like Walter White!"
 
Oh boy. Breathe it out, Todd. Breathe it out. *pets cat, thinks about the ocean* Whew, ok. First, fuck this bitch. Let's just get that out of the way now. Fuck her and fuck her show. It's Sex and The City with even uglier chicks that tries way too damn hard to transcend exactly what it is: a show written by a 27-year old, white bred elitist born to rich, pseudo artist parents who happened to be friends with Judd Apatow who instilled in her a ridiculous and completely underserving since of self-esteem by telling her how great she was every day of her life to the point where she truly believes she's some sort of trailblazing feminist and hipster sex symbol. Tell you what, replace Lena Duhnam with Candice Swanepoel in the exact same show and let me know just how "feminist" this show really is. Oh, Candice Swanepoel gets naked a lot? Then that's just the patriarchy trying force their unrealistic archetype of beauty penis into our unshaven vaginas. Do us all a favor, take several seats. And thanks for playing.
 

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The 65th Emmy Awards Were Last Night

 

As my headline clearly points out, the 65th Emmys were last night. Here are some winners you may care about. And if you're don't punch your nearest coworker over the fact that Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul were robbed, I say unto you: Get away from me you workers of lawlessness. I never knew you.

 

OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES
Breaking Bad, AMC

OUTSTANDING COMEDY SERIES
Modern Family, ABC

LEAD ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Claire Danes, Homeland, Showtime

LEAD ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Jeff Daniels, The Newsroom, HBO

LEAD ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep, HBO

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Bobby Cannavale, Boardwalk Empire, HBO

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad, AMC

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Tony Hale, Veep, HBO

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
Merritt Wever, Nurse Jackie, Showtime

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Chris Abbott Left ‘Girls’ Because He Hates Lena Dunham
Chris Abbott Left ‘Girls’ Because He Hates Lena Dunham

 

Chris Abbott, who plays Charlie and the only character that isn't a completely insufferable dick on HBO's Girls,  has left the show after three seasons because apparently Lena Dunham is also unlikeable in real life. Page Six reports:

The move comes just as his character seemed to be gaining prominence, with Charlie (a k a the cutest guy on the show) reconciling with Williams’ character, Marnie. But sources told Page Six that Abbott and Dunham began butting heads as the critical-darling series entered production again. “They’ve just started work on Season 3, and Chris is at odds with Lena,” a source said. “He didn’t like the direction things are going in…

So, an actor leaves, and there are reports that Lena Dunham is "shaking up the writing staff", which basically translates into everybody hates her and nobody wants to work with her anymore. The ratings are also in a freefall, because the show has basically turned into an exercise for Dunham to work out her body issues. She's fat LOL!

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Rihanna Broke Lena Dunham’s Heart



Lena Dunham, the creator and writer of a show that sounds exactly like what a show created and written by privileged 26-year old white girl with connected parents who has never worked a day in her life would sound like, did an interview with Alec Baldwin on his podcast “Here’s the Thing,” where she claims she’s not a fan of Rihanna anymore because she went back to Chris Brown. HuffPost Celebrity reports:

“[Being a role model] is amazing. It’s an amazing thing and it’s like, it’s a platform that you have to take seriously. Which is why sometimes it’s like I used to be really into Rihanna, that pop star, and then it’s like again, I don’t want to ever throw stones from my glass house, but I follow her on Instagram and I just think about how many little girls beyond what I could even comprehend are obsessed with Rihanna. Like you know, she left Barbados, she’s had this amazing career, she’s won a Grammy. “She’s talented. And then she gets back together with Chris Brown and posts a million pictures of them smoking marijuana together on a bed. And it cracks my heart in half in a way that makes me feel like I’m 95 years old.”

This is like a cool story bro like I read it and I was like I see what she’s saying because like I found this vintage cardigan and I want to go on an ironic bike ride and like o.m.g they like put whip in my frappuccino and like it’s worst like oh shut the fuck up. Girls is just Sex And The City with uglier chicks and a token black guy. It’s considered feminist because nobody watches to see you naked. If you were hot, it would be “exploiting women”. You look like a Florida day shift stripper who happens to have a trust fund. You could fit FOX News’ bubble in your much larger, elitist bubble. I’m sure Rihanna is up at night.

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