Lea Michele Is Dating A Prostitute
Lea Michele Is Dating A Prostitute

 

The patriarchy would like you to believe that Lea Michele is dating a "former gigolo" or a "male companion" or a "escort", but we see through their lies. Lea Michele is dating a ho.

Lea Michele is getting for free what other women pay good money for — her new beau has been moonlighting as a gigolo. Lea has been quietly dating Matthew Paetz for the last few months … she has very consciously kept the relationship on the down low. Sources close to the couple tell us … Matthew has been a hired gun for Cowboys4Angels under the alias, Christian. Cowboys4Angels — which offers male "companionship" to lonely women — is featured on Showtime's, "Gigolos." According to the website … Matthew is a certified life coach, dating expert and massage therapist … charging $350 for one hour and up to $6,000 for a weekend. For $17,500 you can get a whole week. We're told Lea and Matthew met on the set of her music video, "On My Way."

This dude recently had sex for money as recently as April, so let's not kid ourselves with the whole "former" thing. Either has Lea Michele has cleared her 401K or refinanced her house, because I'm not seeing how I'd give up $17,500 to have sex with Lea Michele. I mean, the last guy who did killed himself sooo…..

 

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Lea Michele Wears This In Her New Video

I've never listened to one song Lea Michele intentionally, but apparently she made another one, because here she is shooting the music video for "On My Way". Hopefully it's about one woman's journey to find a bikini that doesn't look as dumb.

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Lea Michele Posted This On Instagram
Lea Michele Posted This On Instagram

 

I decided to post this picture of Lea Michele because it includes two of my favorite things, thong bikinis and not looking at Lea Michele's face. So if you're wondering what it would be like to have sex with her, please keep in mind her last boyfriend killed himself. Happy Monday, everyone!

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I Can’t Tell If Lea Michele Wore A Costume To Comic-Con



Me: I just realized you kinda look like Lea Michele Jess: You’ve mentioned that to me before, and I still want to choke you out for it

If you want me to watch a subversive and ridiculously heavy-handed show about gay acceptance with shitty music, you should at least have multiple hot chicks on the show. And please, if you watch Glee for “the hot girls”, you should probably be real with yourself as to to why you watch the show, you prancing queer. Anyway, Lea Michele was a Comic-Con this weekend, and if she could stop being photographed this close to the camera I would appreciate it. Because, what the fuck is up with her nose? I’d only ask for her number in case I needed help finding a bowl of Froot Loops.

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Lea Michele Was Bullied In School Now



Because revealing that you were bullied in high school is the new adopting an African kid, Lea Michele went on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and said she had to change her last name because everybody picked on her. Awww. Us Magazine reports:
Lea Michele and Rachel Berry aren’t that different after all. Like the character she plays on Glee, the 25-year-old actress was bullied in her younger years. So much so, in fact, that she changed her last name to get kids to stop picking on her! “Sarfati. That’s my real last name,” Michele said on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno Wednesday. “I don’t use it a lot because I got Lea So-fatty, Lea So-farty at school.”

Yeah, I’m sure that’s reason she changed her last name. It probably didn’t have anything to do with her first meeting with an agent and him saying, “Lea Sa..safa…safari? Fer..ati..i? Safar…do what now? What’s your middle name? Let’s go with that.” But in order to pander to her show’s fanbase, I guess it’s better to say you were bullied into changing your last name instead of the prospect of only getting work in Bollywood.

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This Should End Well



I nicknamed my dick ‘Nikon’ LOL.”

Every shitty actor in Hollywood is in New Year’s Eve, the sequel to the equally shitty Valentine’s Day. So of course Lea Michele and Ashton Kutcher were cast. Every time I see Lea Michele dressed up like this, I always wonder where the rest of the contestants in the evening gown portion of the Jewish Transvestite Pageant are, then I realize she’s the only one competing. But that doesn’t matter. Because Ashton Kutcher will literally fuck anything. No, really. Anything. NASA could announce they just found signs of vagina on Mars and he would immediately be on Priceline checking Mars’ hotel ratings.

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Glee Looks Like A Really Sexy Show



I’ve never seen one episode of Glee, but every time I write about it, I’m told there’s a lot of hot women on it. Well, I shouldn’t say “hot”. I should say “fabulous”, because gay guys don’t have the best taste in women. Like Lea Michele for instance. The same Lea Michele who looks like she’s here because Joy Behar fucked a Jewish mountain goat who’s always been uncomfortable with his nose so he’s considering rhinoplasty. She also has bangs. Sure, she has talent I guess, but so does the homeless guy on Glenwood who can pick up a quarter off the ground with his teeth. That doesn’t necessarily mean he should be in Maybelline commercials.

Lea Michele at the FOX Fall-Eco Casino Party in California. I have no idea what any of that means. They play Three Card Poker to help the environment?

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The Girls Of Glee Aren’t Pedophilia



When you’re performing subversion on a mass scale, sometimes you have to make the chicks from your show pose like high school sluts to make everyone think the show is about high school sluts instead of gays and girls who love them singing in a choir. And sometimes that backfires. Like when the Parents Television Council released a statement saying that the November issue of GQ featuring Dianna Agron, Lea Michele, and some dude was “near-pornographic” and borderline “pedophilia”. Pedophilia? They’re chicks in their 20s. It’s not like they were wearing priest robes and handing out lollipops. Take it away, GQ Editor-in-Chief Jim Nelson The Insider reports:
“The Parents Television Council must not be watching much TV these days and should learn to divide reality from fantasy. “As often happens in Hollywood, these ‘kids’ are in their twenties,” he adds. “Cory Monteith is almost 30! I think they’re old enough to do what they want.”

Openly gay Glee creator, Ryan Murphy, tells GQ how Glee is a responsible family show. Okay. Popeater reports:

“I wanted to do my version of a family show. But we try to be as responsible as we can, because we know some young people watch.”

Ryan Murphy created Nip/Tuck, so he’ll always get a pass from me, but this GQ shoot isn’t pedophilia and Glee isn’t a family show. That is unless your dad is named Stacy and has a physical education degree and your brother was adopted from Korea.

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No



Some event having to do with season 2 of the gayest show on television was last night, and Lea Michele was there to celebrate. I’ve never seen one single episode of this, but I’m told that she’s supposed to be the hot one. Oh, ok. So I guess there’s nothing for heterosexuals then? Got it. Mainly because she looks like Kathy Najimy after a round of P90X. And could somebody explain her nose? Hitler wouldn’t even ask her for her name before he hit her with the flamethrower.

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