Lauren Bacall (1924 – 2014)
Lauren Bacall (1924 – 2014)


Legendary actor and one of the hottest pieces of ass ever captured on film, Lauren Bacall, passed away yesterday at the age of 89.

With deep sorrow, yet with great gratitude for her amazing life, we confirm the passing of Lauren Bacall.

Bacall was cast in her first movie, 1944’s To Have and Have Not, after director Howard Hawks saw her on the cover of Harper’s Bazaar. A movie where she met and co-starred with Humphrey Bogart. The rest is Hollywood history. Oh, hey, remember when Bogart and Bacall got married when she was 20 and he was 45? That’s pretty much how I choose to live my life.


 Hey, ladies. Instead of taking selfies with hashtags, walk up to any dude and say this if you want a mindless robot who will do anything and everything you say.


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Now For Something Completely Different

It’s a holiday weekend, so gossip sucks right now, so I thought I’d post some pictures of actual stars and celebrities. This site is overrun by skanks and things that pass for genius, so I’d thought I’d take this time to remind everyone what being an Hollywood star actually means. Let’s face it, the only classically beautiful actresses working in Hollywood today are Charlize Theron, Diane Lane, Rachel McAdams, Halle Berry, and Angelina Jolie. That’s it. The rest of them need CGI and magic to look halfway human, so here is some pics of what actresses are supposed to look like.

NOTE: I would jump over Megan Fox and Ashley Greene going down on each other to get in a time machine set to “bang the chicks in these pictures”. Also, I’m not a huge Bogart fan, but he has my undying respect for being 45 and banging the 18-year old in pic #4.

NOTE #2: Elizabeth Taylor, goddamn. I said, got-dam.

From top left: Ava Gardner, Elizabeth Taylor, Lana Turner, Lauren Bacall, Rita Hayworth, Veronica Lake, Jane Russell, Marilyn Monroe, Sophia Loren, Audrey Hepburn (Banner Picture: Rita Hayworth)

I can’t leave my lady readers out, so here’s some dudes. My extensive research involved me calling my mom and asking her who should be on the list. After she said, “It’s not an emergency? Then why are you calling me at 8:30 in the morning on a Saturday?” she gave me her picks. I included her comments as well.

Marlon Brando: “Son, just be glad I didn’t have a chance of meeting him before I met your father. We might not be having this conversation.”
Paul Newman: “It’s too early for me to talk about Paul Newman in Cool Hand Luke, Todd.”
James Dean: “I don’t need to explain this do I?”
Elvis: “He’s prettier than most of the women you just told me about.”
Cary Grant: “Yes son, I read your site. You wish you were that suave.”

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