Kim Kardashian Is Divorced

Of course Kim Kardashian would be the only person on to hear good news this week. Of course. TMZ reports:

Kim Kardashian is officially a single woman … because the judge dissolved her marriage to Kris Humphries in today's court hearing … and we've learned Kris walked away with NOTHING. Here's what sources connected with the case tell TMZ:
Kris gets NO money from Kim.  As we've reported … he had previously demanded $7 mil.
— Kris dropped his demand for an annulment based on fraud.
— Each party will pay their own attorney's fees.

This is not just a settlement. It's a WIN for Kim and her lawyer, disso-queen Laura Wasser. The judge sent 2 different messages — on the one hand saying the status of the marriage was dissolved, but then said it's over when they sign the official papers.  But it seems like she's officially divorced, especially since the judge said to Kim, "Congratulations on your dissolution."

So, Kim officially has no husband and her baby daddy is in Paris in no rush to get back because he's too busy banging other chicks. Sounds amazing. Just want every 32-year old woman dreams of.

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Kris Humphries’ Lawyer Quit, Thinks Humphries Is Dumb



Since Kris Jenner’s ratings ployhis marriage to Kim Kardashian ended almost a year and a half ago, Kris Humphries has delayed the divorce proceedings, because he is hellbent on getting an annulment based on fraud and has a not-so-secret plan to apparently “blow the lid off reality television”. That hasn’t happened yet. So instead of dragging this out and taking Humphries’ money like any good lawyer, Marshall Waller quit yesterday and basically told Humphries to give it up. TMZ reports:

Even Kris Humphries’ soon-to-be ex-lawyer thinks Kris is abusing the legal system by fighting for an annulment from Kim Kardashian … TMZ has learned. Sources connected with Kris tell TMZ … attorney Marshall Waller made it clear to his client … there are NO legal grounds for annulling his marriage to Kim, because there’s absolutely NO evidence of fraud. Our sources say Waller and Kris reached an impasse … because Kris’ out-of-state attorney, Lee Hutton won’t budge from the whole annulment thing. So, as TMZ first reported, Waller filed legal docs Thursday asking the judge to get him the hell out of the case. And get this ... In Waller’s motion to be relieved as counsel, he zings Kris by saying they have “irreconcilable differences” — EXACTLY the grounds for a garden-variety divorce.

The most horrific thing about this story is that the Charlotte Bobcats are reportedly going to trade Ben Gordon to the Brooklyn Nets for Kris Humphries next week before the NBA trade deadline. I hope Kemba Walker seeks an annulment.

Remember what happened to Maurice:

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Kim Kardashian Offered Kris Humphries $10M To Go Away



Kim Kardashian can’t legitimize her whoring on her Kanye baby until she’s divorced from Kris Humphries, so she used the universal Kardashian whore language to get him to finally settle their divorce: money. He said no. Radar Online reports:

After Kim filed for divorce, she offered Kris a $10 million payoff, with the agreement that he would not continue to pursue an annulment to their marriage on the grounds of fraud,” a source close to the situation tells Radar exclusively. Unfortunately for Kim though, money didn’t sway the NBA star, and he vowed to stick to his guns and prove in a court of law that their short-lived marriage was a sham. “Kris flatly rejected the offer because it has never been about money for him,” the source says. “He wants to be able to marry in a church again, with a clear conscience, when he finds someone special. Kris is deeply religious and he believes that the only way he can do that is if his marriage to Kim is annulled. “Kris wants to move on with his life just as badly as Kim does – he is constantly getting heckled by NBA players and fans – and he just wants to be able to close this disastrous chapter in his life once and for all. If Kim would just agree to grant him the annulment, they could both move on with their lives.”

Kim Kardashian made $30 million for her two-hour “wedding” special on E!, so if she really wants to move on, why not give him all of it? Or, you know, give him an annulment. We all know the marriage was a fraud and we all know that Kris Humphries was too stupid to realize it. I mean, the dude turned down Duke to play at Minnesota for chrissakes. I hate to get Southern on you, but the poor boy is touched.

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Kris Humphries Tells You What You Already Know



It’s pretty easy to take a picture of a text and send it to a lawyer or anyone who asks for it, so Kris Humphries‘ piece after Kim Kardashian, Myla Sinanaj, is selling her story (re: everything Kris told her about his relationship with Kim). However, most of you already know the best part. C’mon, like I’m ever wrong. TMZ reports:

Kris Humphries trashed Kim Kardashian and her family in conversations and text messages to his former girlfriend, Myla Sinanaj … telling her Kris Jenner not only directed Kim to shoot her sex tape, but to re-shoot because Kris J didn’t think the first one was pretty enough.

But hang on, TMZ has sources (Kris Jenner) that say this is all a lie.

Sources close to the Kardashians tell TMZ … Kris is lying about the sex tape…Our sources say the sex tape never came up in any subsequent discussions between Kim and Kris and it just shows he’s delusional.

Whew, I’m glad TMZ cleared that up for us. Because there’s no way that a woman who would lie to her own daughter about who her father is and use Chinese kids to make her clothing line because she wants every last cent would blatantly lie to the public about her involvement in her daughter’s sex tape. There’s no way. I mean, Kris Jenner? Perpetuating a calculated lie for years for the sole purpose of seeing her name on a checK? That’s just nonsense if you ask me.

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Kris Humphries Doesn’t Want Kim’s Money
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Kris Humphries is taking a page out of Russell Brand‘s book and not asking for cash. Radar Online reports:

Kris Humphries wants to make it abundantly clear to his soon-to-be ex-wife, Kim Kardashian, that he doesn’t want any money from her, but wants the divorce granted on his terms, including admitting that the reality star married him under false pretenses, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting. Even though the couple does have an iron clad pre-nup, Kim’s camp is open to some financial negotiation to end the marriage amicably, however Kris’ lawyer has conveyed to Kim’s attorneys that he isn’t seeking a cash settlement. “There have been informal settlement talks going on between Kim and Kris’ respective lawyers. Team Humphries has made it crystal clear though that Kris isn’t seeking any money from Kim. Kris doesn’t want one penny from her. His lawyers have said the only terms acceptable for a settlement would be if Kim agrees to Kris’ contention that the marriage was a fraud. There is a stand-off at this point because Kim will never agree to that, she says the marriage wasn’t a fraud. It just didn’t work out,” a source close to the situation tells RadarOnline.com.

Of course he wants her to admit their marriage was a fraud, because that may nullify the prenup and entitle him to an annulment — which would void any confidentiality agreements they had, opening him up to media deals to rake in more cash. Are they absolutely sure they’re not perfect for one another?

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Kris Humphries’ Lawyers Have Some Questions

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You remember how Kim Kardashian didn’t want her divorce televised? This might be why. Radar Online reports:

Kris Humphries divorce attorney wants to question Kim Kardashian, Kris Jenner, and E! executives about an emotional conversation that the then newlywed had with her momager about the breakdown of her marriage while supposedly on a business trip to Dubai in October, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting. The attorney is interested as the conversation, which aired on Kourtney and Kim Take New York, appears to have been filmed on a sound stage in Hollywood in December, nearly two months after the actual trip. As RadarOnline.com previously reported, in photos taken of Kim and her mom on December 6, as they exited a TV studio, Kim is dressed in the exact outfit, with the same hair style and earrings, as she is seen wearing in the scene supposedly shot in mid-October in Dubai. And mom Kris was followed out of the studio by an assistant carrying the purple kaftan-style dress she is seen wearing in the back of the limo. The NBA star has cited fraud in his official response to the divorce petition, and wants his lawyer to question his soon to be ex-wife, and Kris Jenner about the pictures taken on December 6, feeling this backs his case. “Kris feels that if this is true and the whole conversation was faked, this would help prove that he got married under fraudulent circumstances. Yes, this did occur after the marriage, but this is one clear example that could help sway the judge to grant the divorce on the grounds of fraud,” an insider told RadarOnline.com. Before the Dubai episode aired, Kris tweeted, “I can’t wait for the truth to come out! People will be surprised or maybe they won’t. #FCC.”

It’s pretty obvious that everything this family does is for cash and camera flashes, and if either of them learned anything from Robert Kardashian, this case will be pretty easy for them. Far be it from me to defend anything a Kardashian does, but if Kris Humphries really thought his marriage was going to be for anything other than publicity and a payday, he’s either legitimately retarded or just has a really bad memory.

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Kim Kardashian Told Kris Humphries When, Where, And How To Propose

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You’re not gonna believe this, but Keeping Up With The Kardashians is a completely fabricated and scripted subversion on a mass scale disguised as a reality television series “focusing on the personal and professional lives of the members of the Kardashian and Jenner family” to make Kris Jenner and E! as much money as they possibly can. Radar Online reports:

In the latest example of staging, cameras captured Humphries proposing to Kardashian in the bedroom of her mansion. Kris had wanted to propose to Kim in Minnesota, but he had absolutely no control over how it all went down. “Kim told Kris how, where and when to propose, it was absolutely no surprise to her whatsoever, a source close to the situation tells RadarOnline.com exclusively. “First of all, Kris proposed in the middle of the day, and he had to do that because it would create better lighting to capture the moment. Kim looked so surprised but she knew it was happening,” the source says. “She was in full hair and make-up, as she always is on the show. Kris wanted it to be very intimate and romantic, but all of his ideas were shot down by production officials and Kim. “Kim told him the paparazzi would ruin the special moment if it were to take place in a public setting, like the beach, which he had also considered. How romantic could it be with three camera crews?”

If you want to know how Kim Kardashian basically seems genetically hardwired to be a money-grubbing attention whore with no remorse or soul, read the Kris Jenner/Robert Kardashian divorce documents that were just released. The whore got it honest. And you remember the touching scene during their trip to Dubai where Kim confides in her mom about her “marital issues” and appears to be very remorseful? You do? Because that scene was filmed in a studio in Los Angeles and written to garner sympathy for Kim. Um, what are you waiting for Jihadists? Trouble finding Calabassas on a map? I know you’re good with New York already.

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Kim Kardashian Is An Actress, Khloe Is Least Kuntish

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Surprise! Radar Online reports:

“Kris was with Kim and her family in Bora Bora, and he playfully threw her in the sea. Kim emerged from the water, freaking out, with cameras rolling, shrieking that she had lost one of her diamond earrings, which are worth $75,000,” the source says. “Kim was crying hysterically, but then miraculously, one of her younger sisters found the earring in the ocean, where the group had been swimming. It was probably 6-8 feet deep, and Kris commented to Kim how unbelievable it was that the valuable earring was found as the current in the ocean in Bora Bora is very, very strong. Kim just said, ‘I know,’ with very big smile on her face.” Although Kris’ eyes have been opened, and he’s been left with a nasty taste by the whole experience of his whirlwind relationship and 72-day marriage, he does still have respect for one member of the family. “Kris says that Kim’s reality shows are a total sham. He doesn’t think there is anything real about the shows at all. Kris thinks that Khloe is truly the only authentic one among the Kardashian sisters,” The source says. “Even though they didn’t get along, at all, he respects that Khloe does what she wants. If Kim and Kris had stayed together, and he had gotten traded to Dallas, like Lamar did, he knows Kim wouldn’t have moved with him like Khloe is doing.”

Reality TV isn’t real and an ugly girl was forced to develop a personality. In related news, pie is delicious and clouds are fluffy. I know, I couldn’t believe it either!

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Kris Humphries Got Busted

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Not playing out his wife, but potentially proving their brief marriage was a sham. Radar Online reports:

While it appears that Kris Humphries was caught partying with a bevy of blondes in the New York suite he shared with then-wife Kim Kardashian, RadarOnline.com has exclusively discovered that E! cameras were rolling during the incident. In a photo posted in September by Twitter user “shellmerci”, Humphries is seen in the background while the blonde snaps a photo, but also snapped is a large production camera in the upper right hand corner, clearly filming everything. Leading to the question: Is the entire “cheating” scandal a set-up for their hit show, Kourtney & Kim Take New York? RadarOnline.com published the photos and videos posted by the Twitter user that allegedly partied with Humphries that night at the upscale Manhattan hotel he shared with Kim, the Gansevoort, in which several girls are giggling as they flaunt monogrammed cloth with the initials “KH” and “KK.” On December 11, another Twitter user named “glfitzpatrick” wrote: “@shellmerci is the acct that’ll b featured n next weeks #kktny.”

Look, I doubt Kris Humphries can read, and if he weren’t 30 feet tall he’d probably scrape his knuckles whenever he walked. Fair enough. But even then, does anyone still think he’d be stupid enough to cheat on his wife when her reality show cameras were in the same room? Especially when there’s also a token ugly friend taking pictures of everything that goes on? Probably not. But when your urinal cake of a wife has complete editorial control over everything the public sees you do, that’s what it’s going to look like.

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Kris Humphries Is Uncomfortable

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Kris Humphries gave an interview on Good Morning America today, but because of his prenup he couldn’t divulge much. So he literally repeated the same shit (essentially “PLEASE HIRE ME!”) ad nauseam for five minutes. The only entertainment value of this is watching his body language. Between his eyes, his posture, and his fidgeting, you can’t watch this and say he wasn’t holding in the kind of explosive diarrhea that usually just comes out Kris Jenner’s mouth.

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