Kirsten Dunst Is Pregnant
Kirsten Dunst Is Pregnant

 

Kirsten Dunst and Meth Damon are having a baby. This is celebrity news that is happening today. I hope it finds you well.

With two close pals expecting, Kirsten Dunst was “in baby mode,” the then-32-year-old confessed to UK’s Red magazine in 2014, adding, “I think 33 is a good age to have your first baby.” Her mid-thirties aren’t bad either. A source reveals in the new issue of Us Weekly that the 35-year-old actress and fiancé Jesse Plemons are expecting their first child.

Shout out to the writer of this article who had to research the stuff in that first sentence for what they thought was a solid opening. Or they already knew it because they know a lot of Kirsten Dunst trivia. So yeah, Kirsten Dunst is having a baby. Cool cool.

 

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Kirsten Dunst Got Engaged To Todd
Kirsten Dunst Got Engaged To Todd

 

Kirsten Dunst and Jesse Plemons played a married couple on the kickass show, Fargo, so that method acting thing is going great. Also, Jesse Plemons will always be Todd to me. I don’t care what else he’s in.

We hear the pair got engaged over Golden Globes weekend. Dunst and Plemons were seen kissing at an Emmys after-party for their FX show in September, and they’ve been spotted out together in LA many times since.

This dude should change his name to Jesse P-melons before the wedding, amirite? Jesus. I’m so sorry. I just watched that Donald Trump press conference and I am living in a reality I don’t understand. Is it normal for somebody to talk about China when asked point blank about Russia? Anyway, here’s some boobs or whatever to help us cope.

 

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Kirsten Dunsts Breasts Weren’t Nominated For An Emmy And That’s A Travesty
Kirsten Dunsts Breasts Weren’t Nominated For An Emmy And That’s A Travesty


Transparent director Jill Soloway screamed, “topple the patriarchy!,” at the end of her acceptance speech at the Emmys last night, then the In Memoriam part of the show was a bunch of old men, so I didn’t know if I should be sad or not. Not trying to be problematic, so let me know. I only bring this up because I’m about to objectify Kirsten Dunst. We can topple later or whatever. But yeah, Kirsten Dunst was pretty damn great in Fargo, and her tits also remain pretty damn great. Her face has always been kinda weird, but again, titties. The titties are her constant. You might point out that they sag, but then I might point out that they’re real so that happens. I realize the anime you jerk off to doesn’t really educate you as well as it should.


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Kirsten Dunst Is Topless In Some Movie

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Lars von Trier is a fucking weirdo, so it’s no surprise that the plot of his new movie, Melancholia, is “Two sisters find their already strained relationship challenged as a mysterious new planet threatens to collide into the Earth.” Or, “pretentious chick flick with aliens and at some point Kirsten Dunst takes off her shirt and lays in the grass.” Sure. Okay. Whatever you say, Lars!

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A Kirsten and A Kristen At The Rescue

The Rescue? Isn’t this was Pete Wentz was going all gay for John Mayer with last weekend?

If it was, no need to remember as neither of them were at this particular event.

Kristen Bell, Ryan Hansen, Benjamin Mckenzie, Kirsten Dunst, Jessica Lucas,Walter Perez and Tom Arnold attend Invisible Children’s ‘The Rescue’ Rally at Santa Monica City Hall yesterday. And if you want to know what went down or why the event happened, you have to head over to TheRescue.InvisibleChildren.com where a 7 page PDF is all that stands between you and knowing what the hell this benefit was for.

Since I know how much y’all hate reading, I took the time to do it for you. I’ll also chew your food, but only if your attractive, female and also named Kristen Bell.

Anyway, there is a war in Uganda and the Lords Resistance Army is kidnapping children to be in said army. The Rescue is a plan to arrest the LRA leader and free the child soldiers. The protest/event itself involved “kidnapping” yourself by leaving behind a picture, hiking to a second “camp” and waiting to be “rescued.” A successful “rescue” could only be accomplished by having a media outlet there and an approved “Rescuer” who need to be a public figure like a congressman or Kirsten Dunst, apparently.

Does it seem weird that a congressman and Tom Arnold are on the same level, protest-wise? I mean, it makes being a congressman seem much less prestigious

.

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Who is This Heavenly Goddess?



Kirsten Dunst was at Coachella this weekend, and as you might have imagined, everyone was enraptured by her timeless beauty. Minstrels sang and read poetry while small woodland creatures danced and made her a dress of silk and lace as bluebirds tied ribbons in her hair. And all of the maidens skipped joyously through the field tossing rose petals from their baskets where she walked and a prince on a great white steed sang about true love’s first kiss as his wise, talking lion narrated because it’s obvious her life is some kind of fairy tale.

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Shut Up Kirsten Dunst



Hey, don’t look know! Kirsten Dunst is bitching about something! Stop the press! Contact Music says:

Kirsten Dunst has hit out at the media – accusing the press of constantly portraying famous women in a negative light. Dunst is convinced that women in Hollywood are often treated more harshly by the media – in comparison to their male counterparts….he tells U.S. magazine Harper’s Bazaar, “I don’t buy the rag mags, but I was looking at the cover of one, and an actress’s husband apparently had cheated on her. Who knows if it’s true? But they don’t put the guy on the cover, going, Look at what this guy did. They put the girl on the cover, going, Look at what he did to her. “That is the stuff that I have no tolerance for. Guys will go do this, that, and the other and they’re cool, and girls will go out with their friends and do this and it’s ‘horrendous’. If a guy’s flirting with me, I’m the slut. It can kill a girl’s spirit.”

Seriously, why is this chick even famous? She’s one of the biggest bitches in Hollywood and she looks like something that was dug up and reanimated for the zombie apocalypse. If Harper’s Bazaar had any balls they would’ve air dropped Kirsten Dunst over Hurricane Ike.

Kirsten and that computer commercial “star” at a paparazzi photo-op lunch:

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Justin Long Gets All The Chicks



Sorry fellas, but Kirsten Dunst is taken. Turns out Justin Long, the guy from the Mac commercial, has conquered her heart. New York Daily News reports:

Now it’s Justin Long’s turn on the Kirsten Dunst train. The “Mac guy” was snogging Dunst, who’s been with Jake Gyllenhaal, Josh Hartnett, Andy Samberg and Orlando Bloom, in L.A. at Sunset Junction. The duo “were making out hard-core while waiting in line for margaritas,” says our spy. “They were holding hands and were all over each other.”

Please keep in mind that Justin Long’s last girlfriend was Drew Barrymore. Now it’s Kirsten Dunst. Drew Barrymore. Kirsten Dunst. When asked for comment, his penis said, “Hey man, do me a favor. You see that brick over there?”

Justin Long and some fans on August 22nd:

Photos: Splash

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Kirsten Dunst Wants a Man



When you’re a raging alcoholic who also happens to be the fugliest and biggest bitch in Hollywood, you won’t settle for just any man. Oh, wait. Yes you will. Page Six reports:

WATCH out, Emile Hirsch – Kirsten Dunst has her eye on you. Our spy saw the rehabbed starlet smoking cigarettes outside the Bowery Hotel and told us, “Kirsten was there just to see Emile.” After she finished her cig, the source said, Kirsten followed the press-shy actor to club Bowery Electric next door. “She was all alone,” our snitch said. “She was going to the bar just to see him.” But just two days later, OK! magazine reports, Dunst was “all over Justin Long trying to kiss him.”

It’s only a matter of time before Dunst escapes New York to feed, so you might want to prepare yourself. That’s it. I’m buying a mallet and some stakes and making some business cards that say “Van Helsing.” That’s right, Kirsten. How ya like me now?

Kirsten in SoHo yesterday:

Photos: Splash

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Kirsten Dunst Got Punched



The line just got shorter, because Kirsten Dunst allegedly just got punched in the face. The Mirror UK says:

Spider-Man star Kirsten Dunst looked like she’d been punched in the eye on the set of her latest film, All Good Things. Even a huge pair of sunglasses couldn’t hide the massive bruise on her cheek.”

The level of seething hatred we have for this fugly vampire bat isn’t a secret, but that doesn’t change the fact that you shouldn’t hit a woman. Unless of course you’ve already told her that you want your dinner on the table at 7:00pm. Not 7:02, not 7:05, but 7:00. Jesus, how many times do I have to tell you? Wheel of Fortune starts at 7, not whenever Little Miss Time Doesn’t Apply To Me thinks it should.

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