Kirk Cameron Says The Grammys Were An “All Out Assault On The Traditional Family”
Kirk Cameron Says The Grammys Were An “All Out Assault On The Traditional Family”

If you're a godless heathen you probably enjoyed the Grammys, but don't worry, Kirk Cameron is here to save your mortal soul. You know, if you buy his new movie. And that's pretty much what modern day Christianity is all about. A false sense of moral superiority and self-importance disguised as humility so you'll buy some shit that obviously God is down with. Of course only Kirk Cameron can save family. Of course only Kirk Cameron can save marriages, because he is God's one true messenger even though the divorce rate climbed 4.9% the year after Fireproof was released. Of course you need a mansion and a megachurch and drive a Bentley because you're just "so blessed". And as far as this whole "traditional family" things goes, fuck you. I know this might be hard to understand in your bigoted, closed off mind, but what works for you might not work for other people. I know, crazy right? And if God wants to make people suffer an eternal hell for having the audacity to love someone, then your god is a douche. Sorry. But mostly. I'd like to know more about this "traditional family". Is it the one where the wife stays home and is forbidden to have any contact with the outside world and just waits or you to get home so she can make you dinner and have dead missionary sex because her only purpose in life is to be a broodmare for your homeschooled, indoctrinated, Hitler youth in short sleeve Oxford shirts who have had their ability to think for themselves prayed out of them? Cool. Give me the chick who comes home and takes her heels off, pours a glass of wine, and asks me if we have any pot brownies left before she blows me for remembering to pick up her dry cleaning.


Image source = Facebook (h/t = Pajiba)

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Kirk Cameron Vs. Stephen Hawking (Yeah, You Read That Right)

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In an interview earlier this week with The Guardian, world-renowned theoretical physicist and cosmologist and current Director of Research at the Centre for Theoretical Cosmology in the Department of Applied Mathematics and Theoretical Physics at the University of Cambridge, Stephen Hawking, said there is no afterlife and it’s just a “fairy story for people afraid of the dark”. But Kirk Cameron played Mike Seaver on Growing Pains in the 80s and he read a pop-up book about Jesus once. TMZ reports:

Super Christian Kirk Cameron says Stephen Hawking is WRONG about the non-existence of Heaven — insisting Hawking is just as ignorant as … (wait for it) … John Lennon…Cameron tells us, “Professor Hawking is heralded as ‘the genius of Britain,’ yet he believes in the scientific impossibility that nothing created everything and that life sprang from non-life.” He adds, “Why should anyone believe Mr. Hawking’s writings if he cannot provide evidence for his unscientific belief that out of nothing, everything came?” So how does John Lennon fit in to all this? Cameron explains: “[Hawking] says he knows there is no Heaven. John Lennon wasn’t sure. He said to pretend there’s no Heaven. That’s easy if you try. Then he said he hoped that someday we would join him.” “Such wishful thinking reveals John and Stephen’s religious beliefs, not good science.”

I’m just gonna raise my hand in class and point out the fatal flaw of Kirk Cameron’s argument for everyone. Ready? Okay. Cameron claims Hawking has no scientific proof that the Earth was created from nothing. Then he proceeds to offer no scientific proof that God created the Earth. His proof is of course the Bible. Look, I’m pretty sure Christina Hendricks read Charlie & The Chocolate Factory once, but I don’t think she uses that as an excuse to worship creamy milk chocolate. Basically what I’m saying is just because you believe in something doesn’t make it true. It’s just what you believe. Which really confuses me because Jesus was a homeless, Socialist anti-war hippie who hated the government and rich people while tirelessly working to help the poor. Man, that sure does sound a lot like most conservative Christians today, doesn’t it? If somebody pulls up in a megachurch driving a Range Rover with an NRA sticker on the back, they can say they’ve accepted Jesus in their heart all they want, but Jesus is probably just in there to shred a valve.

Note: Megan Fox as a topless angel. Topical, right? Let Jesus be praised.

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