Tom Hiddleston Is Successfully Fulfilling His Contractual Obligations

Anybody want to know how Tom Hiddleston is doing besides suffering in silence with nowhere to turn after Kim Kardashian slayed the Boss Becky? Let Taylor Swift’s team of PR staff writers spin you a third act of a Garry Marshall movie. 

 “Taylor and Tom are in love with each other. He told her she is the kind of woman he wants to spend his life with,” the insider dishes. “They have gotten very close. She is enjoying the time off from working. She has been writing during her travels, and Tom has been an inspiration in her music.”

“Writing during her travels” like she’s Cheryl Strayed hiking the Mojave Desert instead of flying in a private jet having Gigi Hadid take dictation while Tom drinks to feel nothing. You’re not selling me on this, guys. Not selling me at all. But this next part. I hope you’re sitting down. 

Are you sitting down? Please tell me you’re sitting down.

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