Kim Kardashian Still Has Birthday Parties At 34

You know Kim Kardashian has that special kind of female psychosis that makes chicks celebrate their “birthday week” and also makes them lack any other ideas than “OMG Vegas!” for where they want to spend their birthday. So here she is turning 34 at TAO Nightclub with her rack hanging out while her infant is unaware that she is in store for a lifetime of her own deep, female  psychological trauma that will force her to ask people on Facebook in July what she should wear for Halloween.

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Kim Kardashian Decided To Wear This For Some Reason

Kim Kardashian obviously has a stylist who secretly hates her and wants her to die from holding her breath, because there’s no way in hell she should be walking around in half the shit she wears, because right now that skirt looks make her look like a fruit roll up that’s never eaten a piece of fruit. The stitches in every part of this outfit need an inhaler. Christ. She looks like a blowup doll that was blown up with a defective PSI gauge.

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Kim And Kanye Got Booed At Fashion Week
Kim And Kanye Got Booed At Fashion Week

 

Seen here in a picture that fully encapsulates their relationship (Kanye overreaching, Kim propping herself up), Kanye West and Kim Kardashian were booed at the Lanvi show in Paris because they arrived late to the front row. Fashion show are on a very tight schedule, because Anna Wintour’s human mask only lasts 99 minutes and the heroin they give the models doesn’t last that long. You have to stop the show, shoot them up again. It just becomes this huge ordeal.

 

 

pic source = Instagram

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Kanye Is Putting Kim In An Armored Car Now

Let’s brush over the fact that Kanye West is wearing legit leg warmers in these pics and focus on the realization that we live in a world where Kim Kardashian‘s self-importance has reached ‘I need to be in an armored car” levels.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are bulletproof — or will be very soon — because they’re ramping up their personal security – complete with ARMORED VEHICLESafter a frightening assault in Paris. Our Kim and Kanye sources say … K&K were “freaked out” after Kim was almost tackled to the ground by a crazy man. They’re especially upset because the Paris paparazzi are following them in hordes … and crowd control has become extremely difficult. Our sources say … they’ve hired 2 additional teams of armed bodyguards who will encircle them whenever they’re in public during Fashion Week.

“After a frightening assault”? Not sure I would classify it as that, but okay. Whatever you need to say to justify getting an armored vehicle, I guess. Kanye could probably get a discount if he buys one without a door in the back, because if Kim gets shot in the ass there’s a good chance she won’t feel it. Or in the forehead. Or basically anywhere in the face. if somebody really wants to scare Kim, I’d suggest saying all the laser hair removal places in Paris have been shut down.

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Kim Kardashian Got “Attacked” At Paris Fashion Week
Kim Kardashian Got “Attacked” At Paris Fashion Week

 

Bruh. Kanye West in Paris looking like a mariachi.

Kim Kardashian was tackled and almost knocked to the ground in an alarming assault during a Paris Fashion Week event. Kim, Kanye and Kris Jenner arrived at a Fashion Show Thursday … and several hundred people — including a gaggle of photogs — were squeezed in to watch them arrive. As Kim gets out of the car, a guy lunges at her, tackling her legs and tries to pull her to the ground. You see security jump in, subdue the guy … and then quickly escort Kim and Kris into the building. TMZ has learned the attacker may be Vitalii Sediuk — the Ukrainian prankster who did the same thing to Leo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, and Will Smith. According to his rep, Sediuk is taking credit for lunging at Kim. He wasn’t arrested on the scene — but our Kardashian sources say the paparazzi actually turned on Sediuk and held him down while Kim was whisked away.

Ok, so maybe she wasn’t really attacked. Some dude tried to tackle her, because that’s a funny prank or something, I guess? I’m not sure. You’d think nobody would bother Kim in Paris because she looks kinda Muslim, but she also dresses like pastor’s wife, so it was probably confusing to a lot of bystanders.

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Oh No, You Guys
Oh No, You Guys

 

At least it was longer than 72 hours. That’s a plus.

The latest issue of In Touch Weekly talks up a “Nasty $250M Divorce” on the way for the couple dubbed Kimye, as they allegedly got involved in the “fight to end all fights” and their union will be over. Kardashian supposedly “wants out” because she’s tired of her husband’s big ego and controlling behavior, an anonymous insider hilariously claims, while the tabloid writes that the pair has never even “lived together full-time.” Kanye is also mad about the Kim Kardashian nude photos that leaked this week because they were snapped (a long time ago) for another man, while he’s been pushing her to “quit” her reality show – and Kim just can’t take it anymore.

OMG, you guys. Two narcissistic, ego maniacs who would shrivel and die unless they get put outside in the spotlight once a day can’t get a long? Why didn’t anybody see this coming? And why does North have a comb over? And what was worse than Kendra knew? That new show Gotham? It’s pretty bad.

 

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Kim Is Defending Kanye Over The Wheelchair Thing
Kim Is Defending Kanye Over The Wheelchair Thing

 

As you’ve probably already read, Kanye West‘s tour was in Australia this weekend where he threw a hissy fit and refused to perform a song unless everybody stood up. When some people couldn’t because they were confined to a wheelchair, Kanye had some dude go into the audience to confirm that yes, they were handicapped and therefore couldn’t stand up simply by hearing Yeezus’s to rise. Keep in mind, all of this is on video. All of it. You can watch the video and see everything that happened. But Kim Kardashian wants you to know that the media twists things.

What an amazing Australian tour! Its frustrating that something so awesome could be clouded by lies in the media. Kanye never asked anyone in a wheel chair to stand up & the audience videos show that. He asked for everyone to stand up & dance UNLESS they were in a wheel chair. #JustWantedEveryoneToHaveAFunNight #TheMediaTwistsThings

“Clouded by lies in the media”? Bitch this is on video. If he wanted everyone to have a fun night, how about sing the damn songs they paid to hear when they bought their ticket. How about write better songs so people will stand up on their own. How about I stop writing this post because I really want to go to Willy’s and get an adobe chicken burrito. Yeah. How about that?

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Not Entirely Sure What This Is All About
Not Entirely Sure What This Is All About

 

A CGI artist’s rendition of Kim Kardashian is on the cover and inside the October 2014 issue of British GQ, and like, is this what we as a society find attractive? I remain staunchly all about that treble, so maybe it’s just me. But most importantly, how many master tapes did Kanye West have to sell to get this ho on the cover of Vogue then be named British GQ’s Woman Of The Year? Hopefully the entire Yeezus album so they can all be burned.

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The Kardashians/Jenners Were Texting During The Moment Of Silence For Mike Brown
The Kardashians/Jenners Were Texting During The Moment Of Silence For Mike Brown

 

Kardashians Michael Brown

 

You’d think if anyone would mourn the loss of a black man (especially now that he’s famous and a popular SEO search term), it would be the Kardashians/Jenners, but what will be a shock to nobody, their undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder and complete disconnect from any reality that doesn’t involve them or their self-absorbed family of rented vaginas, texted and talked during Common’s poignant plea for a moment of silence for murdered, unarmed teen Mike Brown and all the shit that’s going on in Ferguson. Or maybe they already knew the parenthetical part of that run on sentence and found a way to insert themselves into the SEO and get more white fans at the same time.  Well, hos. Well played.

 

source = Twitter and Twitter

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O.J. Simpson Is Probably Going To Kill Kim Kardashian
O.J. Simpson Is Probably Going To Kill Kim Kardashian

 

O.J. Simpson didn’t kill Nicole Brown Simpson in the same way George Zimmerman didn’t kill Trayvon Martin or that Ferguson punk cop didn’t kill Mike Brown, but he’s serving a 33-year prison sentence anyway for robbery and kidnapping. He’s eligible for parole in 2017, so Kim Kardashian better get started on scratching off stuff from her bucket list.

“He has several sexy pictures of Kim hanging up in his prison cell from her 2007 Playboy shoot and he isn’t shy about showing her picture to fellow inmates,” an insider told us…Simpson joked to a pal, “She likes black ball players, I am a Hall of Famer — and I still have my Heisman award,” a dig at Kardashian’s former boyfriend Reggie Bush who gave back his college football Heisman trophy after it came to light of some unethical dealings he was involved during his college playing days. As far as her recent wedding to Kanye West, Simpson doesn’t think that it’s any big deal saying, “As long as I am in prison, I can’t be with her so Kanye can have her for now. “But when I get out she’s mine.”…“O.J. said he always thought was a cute girl when she was younger,” the source said, “but it has only been since he’s been in prison his infatuation with her has grown to a full-blown obsession. “He reads every magazine he can about her and when she is on TV he demands silence from his fellow inmates so he can watch without interruption. He’s even tried to get in contact with her, but so far she hasn’t responded to him.”

Ray J likes to say he made Kim Kardashian famous, but it was O.J. Mostly because her father was O.J.’s defense lawyer after O.J. basically decapitated Nicole Brown Simpson for banging a waiter (who O.J. also killed). Kim Kardashian already has dead, lifeless eyes anyway, and O.J. can always say the leather gloves are Kanye’s.

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