I think we’re about three years away as a society from literally nothing being socially acceptable, but Kim Kardashian should have never been socially acceptable so I’m fully okay with anti-fur activists showing up at her “Selfie” book signing at a NYC Barnes & Nobles are screaming stuff like, ““You are the most disgusting human being on this planet!” and “anally electrocuted”. Kim Kardashian kept smiling and signing during this whole thing because nobody can change her settings since only Kris Jenner and Kanye have her remote. Kanye hasn’t said anything about this yet because it didn’t happen to Beyonce.
Like any decent narcissist, Kim Kardashian found a way to make Earth Day about her by putting on a bikini and posing in front of stuff that kinda resembles Earth. It’s unclear if these plants died of shame or not, but I can’t until Fire Prevention Week when she takes a selfie at Benihana.
Serbian pop singer (wait, what) Jelena Karleusa is using social media lately to say Kim Kardashian stole her entire look, but that would mean Kim could think for herself and Kanye didn’t see this chick on Tumblr then make a Jelena outfit Pinterest board that Kim had to take her stylist which is also Kanye.
I dont have a sex tape But I have 20 years of work in the music industry, 10 albums and NO-I DONT NEED A STYLIST pic.twitter.com/rpN2s0Is5w
— Jelena Karleusa (@karleusastar) March 12, 2015
Kanye West‘s Nexus-6 basic pleasure model replicant was walking around Paris yesterday wearing a sheer top instead of whatever this is. I blame France’s lax gun laws and their government’s insistence on not using the Voight-Kampff test.
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are basically the plot of Chappie if Kanye West was two South Africans who shouldn’t be allowed to star in other creative mediums besides music. Kanye really wants to be taken serious as a fashion designer, so he designed a plain white t-shirt and charges $120 for it. That’s pretty much all you need to do to be in high fashion. Meanwhile, Kim Kardashian is slowly morphing to the point where Kanye will just have to take her batteries out when he wants her to stop talking. In the meantime, can somebody please tell her that her gross ass doesn’t need to be in tight leather pants like this? Please? I’m begging. Every time I see her ass, I want to throw a harpoon at it and use it’s oil in a lamp.
Much like when Asian chicks dye their hair blonde and look dumb, Kim Kardashian has also dyed her hair blonde to continue her transformation into Kanye’s sentient sex robot with a plugin that allows it to reproduce and nod when Kanye speaks. I don’t know how much this cost, but she might have saved money in the long run if she dyed her body hair blonde as well.
To put this in some perspective, Kim Kardashian wore this dress to a tattoo parlor. So four hours prior, she used about six bottles of baby powder to squeeze into it before Kanye called the paparazzi and told them to be ready. I like how Kim is wearing this dress yet is covering up her ass, because she still wants to be a lady. Like the time Ray J pissed on her in their sex tape, but she edited that part out. That’s what real ladies do.
Kim Kardashian got a second hand invitation to the Brit Awards, and she showed up wearing another one of special made outfits that was specially crafted by Chinese kids with a firm grasp on the law of physics. Like, for real, who looks at her ass and legitimately wants to stick their penis in it? It looks like something you’d lower into the velociraptor cage.
The Amber Rose/Khloe Kardashian twitter feud was stuff of legend earlier this week, in which Amber Rose held Khloe’s severed head above the Internet and ate the marrow from her bones before making a necklace out her rib cage. But since it wasn’t Beyonce being attacked, Kanye West took a few days to respond (you can hear the whole interview here). He basically confirmed that Tyga is dating 17-year Kylie Jenner, and seemingly condoned statutory rape by saying Tyga, “got in early”. He also said he daughter, North West, “has a chance to be as voluptuous as Kim”. I guess he’s set aside a trust for the surgeries since he’s already thinking about dat ass on a toddler. A far as Amber goes, Kanye said he had to “take 30 showers” after he dated her. Then Amber replied.
Wait 30 showers? But Kim let RayJ nut on her…. Never mind.
— Amber Rose (@DaRealAmberRose) February 20, 2015
I don’t know much about Amber Rose, but I assume she can throw shoryukens in real life.
Kim Kardashian is still living under the delusion that she’s not a bell and a picket fence away from being a menu item at Farm Burger that was fattened and finished on sweet grass and narcissism, so here’s another bathroom selfie because she can’t pass a mirror without being completely entranced by her own psychosis. That felt like a run on sentence. Anyway, check the mirror in the back. Did Khloe kick in? Is this bathroom haunted? Who can say? It’s pretty weird that every inanimate object in a selfie with this ho can bend space and time.