Kanye’s Breakdown Is Apparently Kim Kardashian’s Fault Or Something Now
Kanye’s Breakdown Is Apparently Kim Kardashian’s Fault Or Something Now

 

So after more information about Kanye West’s mental breakdown have surfaced, it’s not really funny anymore.  I mean, it still kinda is, because we’re all assholes, but at least his doctor had some foresight. There’s been a lot hot takes about this whole situation, but People might have the stupidest one. PSA: rant after the blockquote.

“Kim has had a very rough time since the robbery,” says a source close to the reality star, 36, who has been keeping a consciously low-profile lifestyle since early October. “It hasn’t helped that Kanye has been touring. Their lives have been quite chaotic. It’s been very trying for them both and not a good recipe for a happy marriage.” Before the robbery, the source says, “Kim [was] usually the more stable and strong person in the marriage. Kanye is used to leaning on her. Since Kim has had her own issues to deal with, the roles have been reversed. Kanye has had to stay strong to support Kim, and it’s like he can’t handle it anymore.” The source adds that the 39-year-old Grammy winner, who stands to lose millions after he canceled 21 dates on his Saint Pablo tour, “is totally wiped out from touring and just can’t handle it emotionally.” And with his wife and support system taking a step back in order to overcome her recent trauma, the source says, “It’s like Kanye is falling apart now, because Kim hasn’t been able to give him her full attention.”

So I didn’t really prepare myself to defend Justin Bieber and Kim Kardashian on the same day, but uhhh, what the hell is this? I’m sure we can find a lot of things to blame Kim Kardashian for, but not co-sleeping with Kanye and keeping her tit in his mouth while she recovers from being fucking held at gunpoint in a robbery probably shouldn’t be one of them. Kanye is a grown ass man and his mom already died. He doesn’t have another one.

 

I’ll take this time to give Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian the second-hand attention they deserve. Imagine trying to make dresses for Khloe.

 

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There’s A ‘Kim Kardashian Robbery’ Halloween Costume
There’s A ‘Kim Kardashian Robbery’ Halloween Costume




If you’re a woman, the media establishment wants you to believe that you only have one choice this Halloween season: Harley Quinn. Even though you look nothing like Margot Robbie. Don’t buy into this false narrative. Make your protest costume count by buying this Kim Kardashian Robbery costume. It also trolled with the price: $69.99
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Kim Kardashian Has Secret Service Now
Kim Kardashian Has Secret Service Now


Donald Trump’s hatred of women extends to not letting the Kim Kardashian robbery news cycle live, but it’s Monday, so Kris Jenner is trying again. Basically, Kim Kardashian is more protected than actual sexual assault victims. Take that, Donald!

Sources close to Kim tell us … her new security detail includes former members of the Secret Service, who will be armed to the teeth. There will be at least one team of 2 hired muscles (minimum) everywhere she goes. We’re also told her car will be “armored.”  We’re told after the Paris robbery Kim met with some ex-special force members from the Israeli army, ex-CIA agents as well as former Secret Service members. Kanye met with owners of 2 top security firms. We’re also told Kris Jenner is heavily involved in security meetings, and plans to get protection for Kourtney, Khloe, Kendall and Kylie … stat. We’ve heard nothing about Rob.

Rob’s boobs can’t be monetized, so I understand this decision. But this must be serious since Kim hasn’t posted a selfie to Instagram in a week. But if anybody needs this type of security, it’s the Kardashians. Especially Khloe. If we lose her, our society and civilization as we know it, would crumble and cease to exist. I take that back. If we even lose one single Kardashian, we might as well just close America, because it would be hollow and meaningless. Why bother going on living? That’s not a future we want for our kids.


Shoutout to whoever gets to follow this around every day. Respect.

Morning

A photo posted by Kylie (@kyliejenner) on

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Kim Kardashian Wants A Body Double Now
Kim Kardashian Wants A Body Double Now


The Kim Kardashian robbery has been a news cycle manna from heaven for the Kris Jenner Kollection Plate this past week, from a possible leaked sex tape, accusations it was an “inside job”, claims from her ex-bodyguard (who was fired by Kanye for “flirting”) that the robbery was karma, to Kris Jenner putting a psychic on the case (even though she cut security days before the robbery). And probably other stuff I’m forgetting. But apparently the Jenner/Kardashian/West  brain(?)trust had an emergency meeting over the weekend and the best they could come up with was getting Kim Kardashian a body double.

…Kardashian clan continues to beef up security, they are bringing out a new secret weapon to protect Kim: a body double. A source tells us, “There’s a circus that follows Kim’s every move. Her new security team is recommending she employ a body double to help confuse would-be assailants.”

That should work. Instead of Kim Kardashian getting robbed and possibly raped, they can just hire somebody else to go through all that. Brilliant. A Kim Kardashian body double. Kylie Jenner has been preparing for this role her whole life. Kris might not want to sacrifice future earnings, so Kylie is probably a no go. I would suggest Harambe, but Hillary Clinton had him killed because Ohio is a swing state.


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French Police Say The Kim Kardashian Robbery Was Inside Job
French Police Say The Kim Kardashian Robbery Was Inside Job



Two days after she was robbed at gunpoint in Paris, the Kim Kardashian robbery story is now quickly Lochte-ing itself, because if working here has taught me anything, it’s never to put anything past Kris Jenner. Nothing. The French police ain’t buying it either.

French police have serious questions about how Kim Kardashian was robbed at gunpoint while home alone in Paris, and suspect it is an inside job. “French police suspect that the five alleged robbers had some contact with her security and were tipped off about her procedures,” says the source. “They knew there was no security [with her inside her apartment that night]. All they had to do was go in, make contact with someone inside the hotel. They have issues with story of more than one worker at the hotel. They are also talking to bodyguards who worked with her earlier in the week.” According to the source, one or more of the armed robbers could have been a bodyguard who had protected her before in Paris. Her current bodyguard, Pascal Douvier, who was protecting her sisters Kourtney and Kendall at the time, has been questioned but is not under suspicion. They also believe that the concierge who was tied up may have been to throw people off. “They did some things that were so unprofessional it seemed like a show,” says the insider.

So either hotel security, someone inside the hotel, shadowy figure who has manipulated her children for financial gain and ratings, or all three were involved in a coordinated plot to steal $10M in jewelry (insurance scam?) and a phone with a sex tape on it (no explanation needed). So in a strange social media plot twist, the Syrian refugee crisis and the Presidential election is only here to distract you from the fact that 10/2 was an inside job.

Kendall Jenner really needs this modeling thing to work out.


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Kim Kardashian’s Robbery Is Going According To Plan (i.e. Sex Tape)
Kim Kardashian’s Robbery Is Going According To Plan (i.e. Sex Tape)



As you already know from either sites like this or people on Facebook reminding you that OTHER THINGS ARE HAPPENING IN THE WORLD, Kim Kardashian was robbed at gunpoint in Paris where thieves made off with her phone and $10M in jewelry. We can talk about why someone would keep $10M in jewelry in a hotel room, but that is just meant to distract you from the real prize Kris Jenner told them to find: Kim’s phone. Because apparently there’s some a lot of videos of Kim and Kanye fucking on it.

“Aside from tons of nude and explicit content featuring her and Kanye, the stolen phones also have so much information on all of Kim’s family members,” the source said. “They are all really freaking out because Kim’s phones had all of their personal info, such as phone numbers, email addresses, schedules, production dates, and much more!”

I’ve been robbed three times, but in my defense, I wasn’t home and not in the bathroom talking 6,000 selfies. I may have heard them if I was. So, obviously, there’s probably a lot of shit on Kim’s phone. Possibly some “fingers in the booty”. Possibly just a bunch of selfies taken while her kids were with the nanny. Or possibly just another Kim Kardashian sex tape where she lies there again like one of the chicks in Taken. Very low energy. Sad to watch!

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Kim Kardashian Got Robbed At Gunpoint In Her Paris Hotel Room
Kim Kardashian Got Robbed At Gunpoint In Her Paris Hotel Room



During his performance at the Meadows Festival in Queens last night, Kanye West stopped in the middle of “Heartless” and announced he had family emergency and left. See?

So what was the emergency? Well, his wife, Kim Kardashian was robbed at gunpoint. Probably one of the better excuses to cancel a concert.

Kim Kardashian West was held at gunpoint by men dressed as policemen in her Paris hotel room and robbed, French officials said. A spokesperson for Kardashian West said the celebrity was “badly shaken but physically unharmed” following the incident, which took place early Monday morning local time. The French Interior Ministry said five men threatened the concierge with a weapon, handcuffed him and forced him to open the private apartment. Two of the men were able to gain entry to her room, according to the Paris Prosecutor’s office. Kardashian West was locked in a bathroom while the men took two cell phones and jewelry worth millions of dollars, a ministry spokesperson said. The prosecutor’s office said that a ring, worth an estimated $4.5 million, and a jewelry box were stolen.

Whatever your thoughts on Kim Kardashian might be, that’s pretty horrific. And yes, they both might be narcissistic megalomaniacs, but they’re each other’s narcissistic megalomaniacs who crush their enemies beneath their feet. Speaking of which, Taylor Swift is going to have to fake her own kidnapping by a militant left-wing Tumblr terrorist group and rob a bank that doesn’t have a transethnic gay woman in their commercials.

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Kim Kardashian Is Steak High Fashion

Kim Kardashian is a hard working businesswoman with not enough hours in the day to take more than 1,500 selfies, but she hit up Prime 112 steakhouse in Miami to eat steak in these clothes. I would say the other customers were offended by this, but this is in South Beach. They probably think she’s just a defective clone of somebody who actually lives in South Beach that got lost. 

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Here’s Kim Kardashian Twerking In A Pool
Here’s Kim Kardashian Twerking In A Pool


You probably won’t believe this, but Kim Kardashian had someone take a video of her ass then she posted it on social media. So unlike her. Not her style.


 

In honor of @styledbyhrush birthday a month ago LOL she taught me how to twerk on this trip so I’m posting it for her

A video posted by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on

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RIP Taylor Swift (2009 – 2016)
RIP Taylor Swift (2009 – 2016)


Woo boy. Pour yourself some tea, and PLEASE JOIN ME BELOW AS WE WATCH THE CARNAGE BURN TO THE GROUND.

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