Jelena Karleusa Is Very Subtle

Serbian pop singer (wait, what) Jelena Karleusa is using social media lately to say Kim Kardashian stole her entire look, but that would mean Kim could think for herself and Kanye didn’t see this chick on Tumblr then make a Jelena outfit Pinterest board that Kim had to take her stylist which is also Kanye.

 

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Kim Kardashian Needs A Friend

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are basically the plot of Chappie if Kanye West was two South Africans who shouldn’t be allowed to star in other creative mediums besides music. Kanye really wants to be taken serious as a fashion designer, so he designed a plain white t-shirt and charges $120 for it. That’s pretty much all you need to do to be in high fashion. Meanwhile, Kim Kardashian is slowly morphing to the point where Kanye will just have to take her batteries out when he wants her to stop talking. In the meantime, can somebody please tell her that her gross ass doesn’t need to be in tight leather pants like this? Please? I’m begging. Every time I see her ass, I want to throw a harpoon at it and use it’s oil in a lamp.

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Cool. Kanye Made A Blonde Sex Robot

Much like when Asian chicks dye their hair blonde and look dumb, Kim Kardashian has also dyed her hair blonde to continue her transformation into Kanye’s sentient sex robot with a plugin that allows it to reproduce and nod when Kanye speaks. I don’t know how much this cost, but she might have saved money in the long run if she dyed her body hair blonde as well.

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Kim Kardashian Is Still Doing This

To put this in some perspective, Kim Kardashian wore this dress to a tattoo parlor. So four hours prior, she used about six bottles of baby powder to squeeze into it before Kanye called the paparazzi and told them to be ready. I like how Kim is wearing this dress yet is covering up her ass, because she still wants to be a lady. Like the time Ray J pissed on her in their sex tape, but she edited that part out. That’s what real ladies do.

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LOL

Kim Kardashian got a second hand invitation to the Brit Awards, and she showed up wearing another one of special made outfits that was specially crafted by Chinese kids with a firm grasp on the law of physics. Like, for real, who looks at her ass and legitimately wants to stick their penis in it? It looks like something you’d lower into the velociraptor cage.

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Amber Rose Just Responded To Kanye

The Amber Rose/Khloe Kardashian twitter feud was stuff of legend earlier this week, in which Amber Rose held Khloe’s severed head above the Internet and ate the marrow from her bones before making a necklace out her rib cage. But since it wasn’t Beyonce being attacked, Kanye West took a few days to respond (you can hear the whole interview here). He basically confirmed that Tyga is dating 17-year Kylie Jenner, and seemingly condoned statutory rape by saying Tyga, “got in early”. He also said he daughter, North West, “has a chance to be as voluptuous as Kim”. I guess he’s set aside a trust for the surgeries since he’s already thinking about dat ass on a toddler. A far as Amber goes, Kanye said he had to “take 30 showers” after he dated her. Then Amber replied.

 

I don’t know much about Amber Rose, but I assume she can throw shoryukens in real life.

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Kim Kardashian Took A Bathroom Selfie, Bent The Mirror
Kim Kardashian Took A Bathroom Selfie, Bent The Mirror

Kim Kardashian is still living under the delusion that she’s not a bell and a picket fence away from being a menu item at Farm Burger that was fattened and finished on sweet grass and narcissism, so here’s another bathroom selfie because she can’t pass a mirror without being completely entranced by her own psychosis. That felt like a run on sentence. Anyway, check the mirror in the back. Did Khloe kick in? Is this bathroom haunted? Who can say? It’s pretty weird that every inanimate object in a selfie with this ho can bend space and time.

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Kim Kardashian Can’t Get Pregnant

It’s a Christmas miracle!

Kim Kardashian is upset for a very good reason … as hard as she’s been trying, she can’t get pregnant. Kim has been very open with friends and family … she and Kanye have been trying to have another baby for the last 9 months but nothing has worked. Kim has been to fertility doctors, but they’ve made it clear … having another baby is a long shot. Turns out North West was a miracle baby … she had 3 specialists tell her she couldn’t get pregnant before North was conceived.  Kim and Kanye assumed the second baby would be easier since it worked once, but the doctors are telling her that’s not the case. We’re told Kim is trying to reduce her stress (Todd’s note: LOL)  and cut down on traveling … per doctor’s advice. The pic was taken Tuesday in Bev Hills after visiting her doctor. We’re told Kanye has been to almost every doctor’s visit … Kim goes once a month.

Idk, her ass kinda looks pregnant to me.  I mean, Kim did say her last pregnancy was God punishing her for being “too hot”, so maybe now he’s smiting her. God loves getting his smite on. Also, this is Kim Kardashian, so maybe it’s just as simple as the doctors reminding her to stop using birth control. That’s been widely known to make you not have a baby.

 

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