Kim Davis Got Offered $500K To Do Interracial Lesbian Porn
Kim Davis Got Offered $500K To Do Interracial Lesbian Porn


Kim Davis stole our hearts this summer as the Kentucky clerk whose religious beliefs weren’t strong enough to skip a paycheck, but porn company. Dogfart (uh, ok), wants to give her the opportunity to hand Jesus $5oK. I’ll have to do some research, but I think that might be enough to get her own beachfront cloud (via Uproxx)

The undisputed kings of interracial porn are dangling $500k to star in a scene for their site ZebraGirls.com, which is one of 23 sites in the companies vast Adult Entertainment Empire. ZebraGirls.com specializes in Lesbian Interracial Erotica. “We here at Dogfart have always believed in equality. We have interracial sites, gay sites, straight sites, and we think Kim Davis has been appalling,” said a Dogfart Spokesman. “We are giving her a chance at a redemption. We are willing to drop half a million bucks for Kim to come out to our studio and shoot an Interracial Lesbian scene for our network.”

Man, this is a pretty tough decision. On one hand, Kim Davis has been divorced three times, had kids out of wedlock, refused to do her job, violated a judge’s order, and lied about her visit with the Pope. On the other hand, porn is immoral.


(btw speaking of porn, what’s the hold up?)

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Kim Davis’ GMA Interview Went Great
Kim Davis’ GMA Interview Went Great


“LOOK HOW FILLED WITH CHRIST”S LOVE WE ARE!!”


On her publicity tour for her eventual book deal that will profit off people who believe in fake heaven tourism guides, Kim Davis appeared on Good Morning America today, and it went about as you would expect. Long story short, she’s cool with not doing her job and collecting a government paycheck even though laws deemed unconstitutional by said government don’t matter because Jesus. When told that a gay couple said they “felt human” after receiving their marriage license, she talks about the Constitution. Apparently cherry-picking isn’t limited to the Bible. Back to what I said before, Kim Davis doesn’t recognize the Supreme Court’s decision that gays have the right to marry (because Jesus again), but she says the marriage licenses that have been issued aren’t valid because she’s the government and she didn’t sign off on them. Are you following along? I know, the mental gymnastics are little messy when you can’t seem to stick the landing. Oh, and she says she’s not hypocrite, because remember in her statement, she said she “converted to Christianity” only four years ago, so her four marriages and getting pregnant by another dude while she was married shouldn’t count (again because Jesus). But by “converted”, she means she was a Baptist before she became a Christian because I guess Baptists aren’t Christians or something even though they share the same used textbook. Whew. Glad we cleared that up. Meanwhile, the political party who is supporting her now says that religion should stay out of politics. I think they mean the kind that doesn’t get you money and votes. I might have to consult the Bible to double check. I’ pretty it’s in the same chapter where Jesus was preaching out the benefits of subprime loans and the evils of the carbon tax. 


 

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Mike Huckabee Threw Kim Davis Under Survivor’s Bus
Mike Huckabee Threw Kim Davis Under Survivor’s Bus


When Kim Davis was being persecuted for her Christian beliefs by standing in front of a government building at a protest rally in her honor because she willfully and repeatedly violated a judge’s order, she carried her cross up the stairs to Survivor’s “Eye Of The Tiger. Survivor immediately threatened to sue, because apparently the use of their song was not part of God’s plan. Presidential Candidate Mike Huckabee, the man who organized the rally and made sure nobody could crash his martyr party and get their hands on his influx of hillbilly cash, says he didn’t know Kim Davis was going to use the song as her ring entrance music even though she was in jail like ten minutes before. Sorry bout it, Kim.


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You Did It, Kim!
You Did It, Kim!


Since the 1st Amendment and religious liberty work exactly the way they were designed, Kim Davis in jail and a gay couple received a marriage license in her Rowan County, Kentucky office today.  Congrats!

With anti-gay Clerk Kim Davis locked up for contempt of court, William Smith and James Yates were able to this morning to finally obtain a gay marriage license from the Rowan County, Kentucky, courthouse. The license issued to Smith and Yates, who have been a couple for more than ten years, ends a long battle for gay couples to marry in Rowan County, where Davis—citing God’s law—has denied permits since June’s Supreme Court ruling.

Now I realize she probably wouldn’t think it was religious liberty if she walked into a DMV and a Muslim refused to give her a driver’s license because she was a woman, and guess what? She’d be right! Isn’t America great, Kim? Your husband doesn’t think so, though. In fact, Joe Davis is pretty upset about it.

“We don’t hate these people… We just wanna have the same rights that they have,” Joe Davis says about Gay couples.

Dude, tell me about it. Gays have had it way too easy in this country for far too long. Who will be the voice to stand for white, heterosexual Christians? Only time will tell, Joe. But Kim has only been in jail a day, so you still have 48 hours until Jesus opens her cell door, so keep that in mind.

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Kim Davis’ Fourth Husband Will Kill You In The Name Of Jesus
Kim Davis’ Fourth Husband Will Kill You In The Name Of Jesus


By now, you’ve all heard about, Kim Davis, the elected Rowan County Clerk in Kentucky who refuses to issue gay marriage licenses because Jesus. She released a statement yesterday where she claims that she’s unable to perform her duties (that she swore to God to uphold) because blah blah definition of marriage blah blah God’s word blah blah while insisting the government shouldn’t be able force her to violate her conscience or infringe on her religious freedoms, but somehow the irony of her actually being the government and forcing her beliefs on others is lost on her. She also said, “I have never lived any place other than Rowan County’, which makes everything else in this paragraph I typed before this make more sense. But I don’t think she read through everything before clicking “Accept Jesus Into Your Heart”. U.S. News has the receipts:

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