KONG GET CORNROWS
KONG GET CORNROWS

 

When you’re 7’3″ and weigh 450 pounds, it might not be the best idea to get cornrows. Or it might great if Khloe Kardashian wants to start a film career.  Doesn’t Arnold Schwarzenegger live in California? They should meet up. He’s probably too old to be in Predator 3, though. Maybe executive produce?

Related Posts:

Tags:
The Kardashians/Jenners Were Texting During The Moment Of Silence For Mike Brown
The Kardashians/Jenners Were Texting During The Moment Of Silence For Mike Brown

 

Kardashians Michael Brown

 

You’d think if anyone would mourn the loss of a black man (especially now that he’s famous and a popular SEO search term), it would be the Kardashians/Jenners, but what will be a shock to nobody, their undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder and complete disconnect from any reality that doesn’t involve them or their self-absorbed family of rented vaginas, texted and talked during Common’s poignant plea for a moment of silence for murdered, unarmed teen Mike Brown and all the shit that’s going on in Ferguson. Or maybe they already knew the parenthetical part of that run on sentence and found a way to insert themselves into the SEO and get more white fans at the same time.  Well, hos. Well played.

 

source = Twitter and Twitter

Related Posts:

Tags: , , ,
Ok

I guess I have to post about another Kardashian sister today, because after Khloe ate a girl 10 sizes smaller than her, she took her dress then went shopping in South Hampton. I can't tell if this is an ass or a modification made by the scientists who created her to allow her to survive for an extended period of time in the scarcity of the dessert much like a camel. Damn gurrlll I like your humps. Tell me more about the mass of store­d fat in a layer right beneath your skin that allows you to conserve water thereby effectively regulating your body temperature. So hot.

Related Posts:

Tags:
This Is Khloe Kardashian’s First Post On Vine

 

So, Khloe Kardashian just joined Vine. Here's her first post. I'll just leave this here. Hopefully it will give her the attention she so desperately craves. Just keep in mind, every time you watch it, a shelter puppy is thrown off a bridge. Hey, I'm just letting you know. Whatever you do with this information is up to you.

Related Posts:

Tags:
Khloe Kardashian Looks Great
Khloe Kardashian Looks Great

 

Khloe Kardashian posted this pic on Twitter yesterday with the caption, "Love my sunkissed tan!". She may have to post another pic, because she obviously forgot to thank Botox and Collagen and her Y chromosome. Christ. I've seen more natural looking faces at a funeral. She should really start drinking more Dos Equis. Get it? Because "Dos Equis" means "Two X's" in Spanish? And XX is…oh nevermind! I don't even know why I try with you people.

Related Posts:

Tags:
KONG FILE DIVORCE THING KONG SINGLE NOW!!!
KONG FILE DIVORCE THING KONG SINGLE NOW!!!

 

No matter what romantic comedies tell you, when you date someone for ten days then decide to get married, there's a few details that might get missed. For example, your boyfriend is a crackhead with daddy issues who pouts and quits when he gets traded. Or, your girlfriend was captured from Skull Island and taken to America where she endured years of laser hair removal and estrogen shots. So it's with a sad and heavy heart that I let you guys know that Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom are getting divorced just like everyone with common sense predicted.  People reports:

Four years after their televised whirlwind marriage, reality, sadly, has hit home. Khloé Kardashian has filed for divorce from Lamar Odom in Los Angeles Superior Court, PEOPLE has confirmed. The news comes after months of speculation that Lamar's substance-abuse issues – which led to a DUI arrest in August and a stint in rehab shortly after – have put an irrevocable strain on the couple's marriage. Reports that the couple had been living apart surfaced in September after Khloé 29, and Lamar, 34, who married in a lavish 2009 ceremony, had not been publicly seen together in weeks. Following Lamar's rehab stint, the couple were spotted attending a Kanye West concert together in Los Angeles in late October, where the pair sat next to each other in the VIP section and were joined by other members of the Kardashian-Jenner family. Still, the sighting didn't quell speculation that the two were struggling to keep their marriage together. In mid-November, an insider confirmed to PEOPLE that the two were in couples therapy – but sources close to Khloé said the reality star seemed long resigned that her marriage may soon be over. "It doesn't seem like a reconciliation is any closer to happening," a source revealed. "It's like the situation is just too far gone at this point for a split to be anything but unavoidable."

It really shouldn't be lost on anyone that the Kardashian sister with the longest, sustained relationship is the one who isn't married. She also seems to be the least batshit. But let's not worry about Khloe Kardashian, because at it turns out, there are a lot of black, pro athletes who play for Los Angeles teams. Like, Rihanna's ex, Matt Kemp. The two of them were spotted leaving a gym recently where I assume they bonded over their love for human growth hormones.

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
Lamar Odom Cheated On Khloe Kardashian For A Year

The extent to which I keep up with the Kardashians is relegated to Feedly, so I'm sorry if this isn't news to you. It's news to me and that's really all that matters here. Hahaha, I kid, I kid. So anyway Lamar Odom cheated and Khloe Kardashian for a year with bunch of different women who actually look like women and blah blah blah blah words words words one of the women, Jennifer Richardson, is cashing in with Star Magazine. Radar Online reports on the tale as old as time.

Jennifer Richardson — who claims she held a yearlong affair with Lamar — opened up to Star magazine about her relationship with the NBA pro, and even offered up an apology to Khloe because she says she can sympathize with her. “I’m sorry,” Jennifer, 29, said. “Lamar led me to believe his marriage was just a business arrangement.” Even worse, Jennifer claims she’s not the only woman that Lamar has cheated on Khloe with, and she wants her to know it. “I can tell Khloe that I’m not the only woman; there have been many. I just happened to be around the longest,” Jennifer told the magazine. “My advice for Khloe would be to get a divorce. If she thinks he’s going to change, she’s mistaken.”

Pretty straightforward. Lamar Odom realized his married to Bigfoot who has assimilated into our society by learning speech and using Nair, so he's using his celebrity to bang every hot piece he can while he still can even though he looks like the lead characted in Tyler Perry Presents Powder (look it up). But since KONG FIND MATE SHE WANT BABY STILL.

The cheating allegations, “of course bother Khloe tremendously. She has trust issues with Lamar and was absolutely livid when he went to a strip joint earlier this year. However, Khloe still wants to have a baby with him. She feels that once they have a baby together, it will just bring them closer,” a source told Radar. “The fertility issues have definitely taken a toll on the couple’s sex life because Khloe is really strict about having sex when she is ovulating. It’s become clinical, and the romance is on the back burner because Khloe is having a very hard time getting pregnant.”

Yes, brilliant plan. If you're having trust issue and marital problems and the sex has become perfunctory and loveless, the first thing you should do is have a baby. Because that will change everything. Babies give you a lot of time to spend freely as a couple and to have lots of hot sex anywhere and anytime you want it. As soon as the baby comes, it just sits in the corner until you have to feed it so you can have time to grow as a couple and get the spark back. Studies have shown that smart newborns can order takeout and change their own diapers because of their highly developed motor skills, so you really don't have to do anything except spend every waking moment with your significant other and having loads of sex. And if you want to take a trip or go out, just spread some newspaper on the floor and leave the TV on Animal Planet or Mad Men or something like that because newborns, while smart and fully capableof taking care of themselves, need their brains stimulated. Also, be sure to preheat the oven so they can warm up the steak (babies loooooove steak) you put out for their dinner. And they'll need a really sharp knife, because babies are small and don't have that much upper body strength oh my god this chick is stupid.

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
Kris Jenner Wanted ‘The X Factor’ To Replace Mario Lopez With Kim Or Kourtney

Yesterday, Khloe Kardashian was officially fired from The X Factor because she sucks, and one of the rumors was that she and Mario Lopez didn't get along which made their on-air chemistry suffer. But in totally shocking twist that everybody probably expected, Kris Jenner thought she was dealing with E! instead of FOX and tried repeatedly to get Mario Lopez fired so he could be replaced with another aged out Armenian famewhore with no talent. WELL, CLUTCH MY PEARLS!! *fans self* Radar Online reports:

“Everyone thinks that Mario hated working with Khloe,” a source close to the situation told Radar, acknowledging there were time he grew frustrated. “But he was nothing but encouraging and supportive (to Khloe),” the source added. “It was her mother Kris who was the problem.” “Kris would go to the producers and say Mario was being pushy and insensitive and she’d often confront Mario directly. There was even a very absurd incident when Kris suggested to the producers that they should dump Mario and replace him with one of her other daughters. Kris claimed that the chemistry between Mario and Khloe just didn’t work and that Kim or Kourtney would be a better fit. “Well, the producers agreed with the no chemistry argument, but also that Khloe was in over her head – and that’s why she’s gone.”

Let's just go ahead and assume this story is 100% true, because we really shouldn't but anything past this bitch. Her three cash cows will be 40 soon, and really, nobody wants to see that. That's why a source at E! that I just made up says she's developing a show about Kendall's gynecologist visits. The format may change, but Kris is pretty firm that she wants it to involve Kendall with her legs spread somehow.

Related Posts:

Tags: , ,
Khloe Kardashian Is Unemployed

Hey, remember when the X-Fator picked Khloe Kardashian over Chrissy Teigen to be a host even though Chrissy Teigen is better in every possible way? You do? Awesome. Because Khloe just got fired after one season. CNN is now repsorting that she's climbed the building and swatting at helicopers. "IT WAS FOX KILLED THE BEAST!" a joke somebody in the crowd could that would be lame like me. TMZ reports:

Fox released a statement moments ago, claiming Khloe will NOT be returning as a host for Season 3 … but Mario Lopez will. The network didn't give a reason for chopping Khloe, but said, "We really enjoyed working with her and wish her all the best in her future endeavors."  Translation:  Sayonara sucker!

There's no official word on why she was fired, but a source at FOX tells me that she was let go from The X-Factor because producers found out that she…… *puts on sunglasses* ….. has the XY factor.

 

Related Posts:

Tags: