KONG SAY IT NO RETOUCH PHOTO PICTURE
KONG SAY IT NO RETOUCH PHOTO PICTURE

Try to think back to yesterday when read something about Khloe Kardashian. It’s ok if you can’t remember. It was her ass on the Complex cover. Remember now? Good, good. Yeah, so of course people thought all the pictures were Photoshopped because it’s a magazine with a picture of a  Kardashian on the cover (case in point), and some things you can just assume happened. Like Khloe Kardashian being Photoshopped to make her form resemble that of a post-op human with new extensions.  But since reality is a make believe place for Kardashians, Khloe wants you to know this photo wasn’t altered in anyway. Ok.

This one is for all the troll haters out there that cannot seem to give me an ounce of credit for my daily workouts! The image on the left is an unretouched photo from the actual camera on the day of the shoot. The image on the right is the retouched photo. Yes skin is smooth and shadows are removed but I still think I look good on the left image. Flaws and all hi hater!!! Click on it… I know you want to…

First off, even though it can get you a possible 67 points in Scrabble, “unretouched” doesn’t sound like a real word. Second, a Kardashian doesn’t leave the house without being Photoshopped, so if you by “unretouched” you mean you took the filter off the left one then posted the Photoshopped image with the filter off, then yes, I see your point. Look, you’re a woman(?). On a magazine cover. In 2015. This shit was Photshopped. This is something we all know. It’s fine. Be fine with it. And this whole “flaws and all” argument kinda loses it’s point when the accompanying  picture has been run through six different types of software. The people who work at Complex want to be able to tell their parents they work for a living. Allow them that. If you were really sincere about showing your “flaws and all”, you’ll post a picture of your hands after you raid a hunter’s campsite for food during your next nightly feeding.

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KONG DO COMPLEX

Khloe Kardashian is on the August/September of Complex, and I think they named their magazine because they knew how their website would be designed. Anyway, here’s Khloe Kardashian still trying to be sexy for some reason. They only have two pictures available online so far. Maybe that’s for the best. The cover is pretty cool though. A little backstory: the photographer got Khloe to nail the “turn your head around really fast” look by bringing out a live goat. A little behind the scenes magic for ya!

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Khloe Kardashian Is Still Wearing Dresses

I thought Cosmo had women on the cover usually, but Khloe Kardashian in on the February 2015 cover, and inside she talks about how she likes to cuddle rather than have sex. I realize she’s saying what she thinks a human woman would say, because much like any sentient, escaped government experiment, she must blend in and survive. I get that. I’m not posting the cover, because they put Khloe’s head on somebody else, so I thought I’d post actual pictures of her instead. Pictures where she still believes she’s sexy and undetectable to actual humans. I feel like I should point out that, despite the myth, Khloe does not carry water in her ass. The ass is a mound of fat, and can weigh up to 80 to 85 pounds. The hump allows Khloe to survive an extremely long time (up to two weeks) without food if need be. 

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KONG SHOW NIPPLES, KONG SHOW LEG AS WELL

Yeah so, I guess I should have posted these yesterday, but I put up a bunch of hot chicks (I’m looking at you too, Taylor Swift), so I didn’t want to ruin it with pictures of the Kardashian sister who takes the most estrogen injections. So I’m putting them up today. Basically, Khloe Kardashian and some other people who like Ciroc Pineapple celebrated French Montana’s birthday, but when it’s your birthday you get all the attention, and that make Kong angry because Kong like attention too so Kong wore this dress with no bra so you could see her nipples and one of her legs, too. So, yeah, here’s a bunch of pics where you can see Khloe Kardashian’s nipples. I mean, if you’re into that sort of thing.

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You’re Not Fooling Anybody, Khloe

Khloe Kardashian is still walking around trying to convince people she is a human female, so when giant mutant creatures try to blend in, they wear human female clothes that are popular in the territory where they hunt and attempt to camouflage themselves to draw attention away from their faces and mutant height. Like having a comically large ass. If you put Khloe on her stomach you could rent her our for children’s birthday parties.

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KONG GET CORNROWS
KONG GET CORNROWS

When you’re 7’3″ and weigh 450 pounds, it might not be the best idea to get cornrows. Or it might great if Khloe Kardashian wants to start a film career.  Doesn’t Arnold Schwarzenegger live in California? They should meet up. He’s probably too old to be in Predator 3, though. Maybe executive produce?

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The Kardashians/Jenners Were Texting During The Moment Of Silence For Mike Brown
The Kardashians/Jenners Were Texting During The Moment Of Silence For Mike Brown

Kardashians Michael Brown

You’d think if anyone would mourn the loss of a black man (especially now that he’s famous and a popular SEO search term), it would be the Kardashians/Jenners, but what will be a shock to nobody, their undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder and complete disconnect from any reality that doesn’t involve them or their self-absorbed family of rented vaginas, texted and talked during Common’s poignant plea for a moment of silence for murdered, unarmed teen Mike Brown and all the shit that’s going on in Ferguson. Or maybe they already knew the parenthetical part of that run on sentence and found a way to insert themselves into the SEO and get more white fans at the same time.  Well, hos. Well played.

source = Twitter and Twitter

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Ok

I guess I have to post about another Kardashian sister today, because after Khloe ate a girl 10 sizes smaller than her, she took her dress then went shopping in South Hampton. I can't tell if this is an ass or a modification made by the scientists who created her to allow her to survive for an extended period of time in the scarcity of the dessert much like a camel. Damn gurrlll I like your humps. Tell me more about the mass of store­d fat in a layer right beneath your skin that allows you to conserve water thereby effectively regulating your body temperature. So hot.

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This Is Khloe Kardashian’s First Post On Vine

 

So, Khloe Kardashian just joined Vine. Here's her first post. I'll just leave this here. Hopefully it will give her the attention she so desperately craves. Just keep in mind, every time you watch it, a shelter puppy is thrown off a bridge. Hey, I'm just letting you know. Whatever you do with this information is up to you.

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Khloe Kardashian Looks Great
Khloe Kardashian Looks Great

 

Khloe Kardashian posted this pic on Twitter yesterday with the caption, "Love my sunkissed tan!". She may have to post another pic, because she obviously forgot to thank Botox and Collagen and her Y chromosome. Christ. I've seen more natural looking faces at a funeral. She should really start drinking more Dos Equis. Get it? Because "Dos Equis" means "Two X's" in Spanish? And XX is…oh nevermind! I don't even know why I try with you people.

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